[younger-sibling]

5/31/2016
My name is Emily Fisher and I’m 13 now and this took place when i was 12, and my brother at age 16. so if you need to read a story here you go. (I have parents permission to do this.)

I remember the day that I found out vividly. It was a winter day in January and I just got home from school. I was working on homework and when I finished I went up stairs to help my mom with some laundry. After that I sat on my bed reading a Skippyjon Jones picture book. When I heard my mom yell, I jumped up quick with panic. She was yelling at my brother who was 16 at the time and his friend. To put it flatley they were in his room doing drugs. And my brother’s friend hid in his closet with the drugs when they heard my mom coming to check on them. Once my mom opened up the closet to put my brothers clothes away she saw my brothers friend standing there. And after that she screamed so loud I thought my eardrums would burst. The kid was sent home and his family was notified right away. And I remember seeing my brother bursting into tears that day saying that he didn’t do it, that the other kid did. So my mom and dad took pity, they disposed of the drugs and gave Alex a talk, and never spoke of it again until…

About a month later I think it was. My mom found him in the basement doing them on his own, he was again yelled at and they disposed the drugs and smell right away. But then the third time they were done. A random quiet night they called a Middleton Police officer to check his room for anything and see if he was on something. And the policeman was successful. That night I peeked upstairs from the basement where my mom had us wait until he left. And I saw him in a pair of silver handcuffs behind his back, with one of those stupid pathetic grins on his face and him looking down laughing to himself with disbelief. But then I saw him look up for a moment making eye contact with me. And he looked at me and I think he saw the disappointment in my eyes. And in those few seconds we both said it all. I think he knows he was one of my biggest heros, I was his biggest fan until that moment.

That night once he got back I was already in bed. But after about a month or two it all continued, like a never ending cycle. And then there was the night it all happened, everyone’s emotions came out, the good, and the bad. Dave my father, well stepfather but I consider him my dad. Was yelling at Alex, the usual. But this time Alex hit home, he said the most hurtful thing to Dave, and my dad exploded. He yelled. A lot. So I screamed, I yelled and cried, and yelled everything I thought. And I ran to my room and cuddled with my teddy bear Bryce. My dad came up and comforted me he made me feel better, and I understood why he yelled. And I knew he was looking out for Alex which I’m happy about. So then I sat with Alex. I remember him sitting in a chair on the edge of tears telling me everything. All I told him was I understood, And I admit I regret those words. I knew I should have told him what I was feeling but I couldn’t, I thought he would get mad at me and never talk to me again.

The week after he left.

He moved out to live with my biological father. My real father was abusive physically to me, my sister, and Alex. But also to drugs and alcohol. I knew that’s where Alex got the addiction from I guess I just couldn’t stop hoping he didn’t have addiction issues. And the day he moved out, and all the other days I remember as big moments of his drug problems I saw my father in him. I saw hints of the abusive, aggressive father I grew up with. And it’s very hard for me to admit I compared him to my real father but I did.

Once he moved out I was devastated. I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. All I could think of is what if he’s hurt or in other danger. But later I thought about his previous achievements. Like being on varsity high school soccer, or his honors society. He went from a 4.0 to 1.98 or something like that, and that took him only a year of doing no work. He quit one of his greatest passions of soccer, and he stopped studying, and doing other extra outside school activities.

Later though I saw him. We went for ice cream. But all he did was just sit on his phone. He pretty much brought me there bought it and brought me home. I tried to tell him my thoughts but he wouldn’t reply, and I knew my real brother was lost.

It’s been about a year and a half since I have seen Alex. But I have made attempts to contact him. He sometimes replies and sometimes not. But he got accepted to Minnesota college. He wants to be a therapist of some sort. And I know that the day he has to self evaluate himself if he follows through that he will call me, or write me a letter, so now I just hope, wait and pray. And to all of you other younger siblings with this problem know that you get through it. And definitely DO NOT blame it on yourself I did but then realized I can’t do a thing about it but pray. And remember your parents are probably not paying attention to you like they did me during this time, but remember they are just trying to help them get through it. And if it was you they would be there they always are.

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