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Hey guys, me (24) and my boyfriend (26) know eachother since one year now. When we met I never had tried cocaine before but on the first night out I decided try some with him and over the last summer we did it quite a lot. He endet up doing it almost every weekend and when I went away for 2 weeks on holiday and I came back it was obvious that he went on a wild one the whole time I was gone, that’s when I realised the extend of his problem. We got to know eachother better and I found out that he went to rehab two times because of it already. He/we kept doing it regularly until we had to go into lockdown because of covid-19, it was wonderful having him with me all the time without any drugs, that made me forget all the arguments,tears and sleepless nights I had because of it. I was very naive and did not realise how bad of a drug cocaine is, and I feel so dumb for doing it with him. I met him like this and he is always open with me about it, he never lied to me and he never tried to hide it. But most of the times I deal with it poorly, I get extremely mad and shit with him about it which always results in an argument. We talked about it a few times and he always tells me he wants to stop and he doenst even like it. But goes back to do it again, all it takes is a few drinks and a friend of his asking to get some. I have to admit sometimes I join them, because I don’t want to go home alone to lay in bed crying and wondering when he will come home or waiting for him to accuse me of being unfaithful because it makes him so paranoid. And when I stay with him and his friends I don’t want to be the only one not “on it” because what’s the point of being around a bunch of coked out people sober and like that I at least get a slight chance of him going home with me at a normal time. I had to lend him money a few times over the summer and still occasionally as he went completely broke at one point because of his drinking and drugs and still did not quite recover from it. I know that I am enabling it and that’s what I am going to stop doing it with him. I’m just gonna let him do his thing which will be hard because I know what it will result in when I leave him alone at the pub with his friends: a cocaine fueled night and him being wrecked the day after and then maybe everything over and over again.I love him to bits, he treats me well I am not planning on leaving him but I wonder how our future will be, as he doesn’t want to change and I can’t force him. Does anybody have any advice on how to deal with all of this in a loving and supporting way, which boundaries I should set and how to not take it too personal when he ditches me to stay out or ruins another weekend that we could of spend together doing something nice? Does anybody go through something similar or has a similar story? Thx for all replies xx

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