Hi Marebear,
Welcome to the forum, I was so sorry to read your story, you really have a lot to cope with just now.
Unfortunately I don’t have all the answers but I wanted you to know that I was thinking of you.
Have you read the adfam home page? There’s some little podcasts giving you some strategies to help you cope. The Icarus trust also posts here too, you can check out their Website.
I have a son with addictions and have looked after an elderly relative with health needs in the past, so I know things can overwhelm you.
In the meantime, please look after your own health and well-being first and foremost, it well help you to cope better. I really hope you get the help and support you need.
Take care , keep posting here❤
Lx