[sandy101]

My mum is a drug addict, she has been for at least 15 years now. I am her only child and I am 22. She takes coke, heroin and maybe crack now and then. I have been with her through withdrawal of drugs and seen her at the lowest but then she takes drugs again to feel ‘normal’ or ‘levelled’..
The last five years have been the worst for me, I’ve been working in jobs and making my own money which has been taken off of me time and time again to fund her (and her boyfriend at the time) drug habit, manipulating me to think it’s for electric or rent or even food but it rarely was. I had £300 stolen from my account one Christmas and no explanation I had to find out for myself and confront these two myself and I was probably lied to and made to feel bad about confronting them. My boyfriend who has pretty much lived with me in between his uni life has also been used. He has had to put up with aggressive horrible outbursts on him being shouted out by my mother and one of the last straws my mums ex boyfriend smashing a window with a hammer trying to get at my boyfriend In a heated argument. I left the house then I came back once he left and I thought things could get better because she is very good at pretending everything is good but realistically I’ve just had rose tinted glasses on the whole time.
Now I think it’s more than just being addicted to drugs, her mental health is a problem it’s not healthy that’s the problem and I have told her but she either forgets or ignores… she needs professional help but I don’t know if she will take any I don’t know what to do but I the only thing I can do is get on with my own life make the move and leave the house get my own place because I have been brought down with her illness and I can’t deal with the irrational conversations anymore I honestly just want her to be herself again but I don’t know if that will ever happen.
Am I bad person for wanting to give up ? Am I too hard on her ? I don’t think I am at all, but that’s the way she makes me feel.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Sandy,
Thank you for sharing your story. Please don’t feel bad about yourself. What you are going through is really difficult and I wonder if you would like to talk through how you are feeling with someone who would understand?
The Icarus Trust is a charity that supports people like yourself who are dealing with a family member’s addiction. We have trained and experienced volunteers who you could talk with. We call them our ‘Family Friends.’ I hope you might find talking with one of them would help you to make sense of how you are feeling and find a way ahead. You could also find out from them what other help is available for your mum as well as yourself.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that you find this helpful. Good luck.

[Author]

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