[biscuit122]

Hi everyone. Im looking for some advice please. So im 8 month pregnant and i have been with my partner almost 6 years. We have both done drugs but i used to do it every few months where as he did it weekley. Over the past couple of year i only did it maybe once or twice a year and i obviously havent touched it since being pregnant. I only ever took it when on a night out with friends for the buzz. Now with lockdown and everything my partner this year has been taking it at home on his own and hiding on his computer. I will confront him about it to which is lies, shouts, says im crazy and paranoid and im trying to start for no reason but then i find bits of it on the floor or on his key and when i confront him he apologises, says he is sorry, we dont speak for a day or so then were fine then a week later its the same thing. Because i have done it he throws it in my face to which i hold my hands up but ive never done it as much as him and never alone!! With getting bigger ive been getting really achy and last Tuesday yet again he did it on his own and i confronted him, cried my eyes out and said i cant deal with the stress and that this isnt a loving and respectful relationship and that he has a problem. He was sending me tects the next day saying he thinks he must have a problem and he is sorry and he just feels like he needs to get it all out of his system but its done now. Then jesus last night literally 10 days later hes back doing it alone in the house. Ive told him im going to have to speak to his mum as i cant deal with this alone anymore and he has kicked off last night then this morning he gets up like nothing has happened. Now with him acting like everything is okay is more a reflection on how soft ive been. So what im asking is do you think im right in telling his mum, i would hate for his dad to find out as i know his dad would never speak to him again but i cant deal with this alone now

[icarus-trust]

Hi,

So sorry to read what you’re going through, especially stressful when you’re 8 months pregnant.

If you would like to talk with us at The Icarus Trust please get in touch. We are a charity that offers support to people dealing with a family member’s addiction. If you contact us you can be put in touch with one of our trained and experienced people. Talking with them might help you not to feel so alone and they will also tell you what other help is available.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best. Take care of yourself.

[biscuit122]

Hello thank you Icarus i will contact you in a couple of days x

[stemgirl]

Hi there,

I feel for you so deeply.

My partner sits up drinking alone all night and does coke on his own on the sly. I had to walk out due to the stress and anxiety making me very ill.

He says it’s me who has changed and that he is fine, doesn’t have a problem even though he can’t go three days without drugs and alcohol. He is short with his kids, tired, lazy and grumpy because of withdrawal or hangovers constantly.

He has turned on me making me the enemy and bringing up the couple of times I’ve had one or two beers or when I used to do a bit of coke myself to deflect.

It is so, so hard and I’m sorry you are going through this.

On a positive note, he has acknowledged at least once that there is an issue. Getting over that denial is a huge step. If it is addiction backslides may occur. I hope he gets some professional help and I hope you can take good care of yourself too as that is so important. You are not alone! X

[biscuit122]

Hiya stemgirl, sorry just seen these replies. So i was 35weeks two days ago and since my post he hadn’t raken any as i told him i had asked his mum to cime down to tell her but i didnt end up telling her due to her auntie passing away and then her step dad has just passed away aswell but because he has done it again tonight I’ve told him he has left me no option but to tell her. I feel for you too. They always deflect in situations like this. I told him theres nothing more i can do for him, if I’ve kept it to myself, doesnt work. If j took his cards he would only get it on tick so doesn’t work. We have his mums step dads funeral monday and then I’m going to tell her about him tuesday. I just had my carpets cleaned for the baby coming so they are all hygeinic and its on the carpet tonight. Fully lost my rag!! He says he’s done well because it’s been 3 weeks and that he’s had a hard week. Honestly the baby isn’t even here yet if he thinks life is hard now he is going to get a shock. Ive lots of nieces and nephews I’ve got a slight idea how bad its going to be but he hasn’t.

Are you feeling better with your stress and anxiety since you have walked out? Has it made him wake up and realise at all? Have you tried speaking to anyone in his family about it? Its so frustrating. Hope your doing okay and thank you for replying to me xx

[cardiffbluebird]

This sounds awful. I’m sorry for your situation. I think you are right to tell his mum though as I think it brings it home sometimes for people when they can’t keep it a secret. Try and avoid the stress as much as you can, it can’t be easy. stress is no good when you’re pregnant (i’m convinced it’s why we had our 2nd baby 10 weeks early).

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