[pixie74]

My son is 20 years old and has been smoking Cannabis for a few years. He tried to hide it at first but the smell made it obvious he was using. It has become more and more of an issue, he smokes at least 3 to 4 times a week, alone, outside. He’s wasted in a morning and looks terrible. We banned him from smoking in the house or having anything to do with weed in the house, but he just sneaks it in or lies about it. It causes huge arguments between us, his moods are low, then high and any attempt to talk to him escalate into a blazing row and him being aggressive. A few weeks ago after a particularly bad row he agreed he would stop bringing it in the house. He never thinks he has an issue as ‘everyone smokes it now’. We are very concerned that he is smoking more often than ever, and worry he has a serious problem, especially as this morning he took Edibles, despite both myself and his dad working from home. So now he’s stoned in the daytime too. He lives a good life with us, he has his own floor in our house which we’ve threatened to move him from, but we‘re worried he will move out and live with other users. We’re so worried about his mental health and the risk of him moving to other drugs, does anyone have any advice please?

[nothingleft]

Hi Pixie 74

I don’t have suggestions or advice that will help I’m afraid, but I do understand your frustration, anger and having no idea what to do to help your son, or to get him to stop.

I hope others can help you with their stories.

I hear that all the time ‘Everone does it’, and it’s true a lot of young people do, but when something takes over your day, it’s a problem.

I only found this group yesterday and knowing there was somewhere safe to go to share how I feel, was like a light being shone, albeit a match flame in a huge black room, but it’s a start. People care and understand and are willing to share their stories. You are not alone. I’m not alone. We have somewhere to offload.

I just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you x

[jackie723]

I know what you going though this happened to me with my son I was a single parent. He was stealing from me and smashed my house up as he had mood swings I couldn’t handle it anymore and ask police to come round so I could kick him out, I didn’t see him for a couple of years and it broke my heart that I had to do this then one day he rung me asking for help so i brought home home he shut himself away in his home and went cold turkey, that was 8 years ago now. His now good a good job and is a lovely man he had abit to drink a a party and cried saying how sorry he was for the things he put me though.so there is hope and I really hope its come good for you and your son xx

[mum46]

Hi Jackie,

It is so promising to see that it can be done. So happy for you all that your son managed to pull through.

My son (19) tried to give up smoking cannabis quite a few times in the last 2 years but never managed. He becomes very anxious, then angry, then aggressive, he has terrible rages. He also suffers from excessive sweating, muscle pain and lack of appetite.

He has a punchbag to release his anger however it doesn’t help.

Do you know what it was that made the difference to your son, what made it successful in the end? Did he take any medication or any vitamins or supplements?

I’m open to anything that I can help my son with at home (don’t want to put him in a rehab!!)

Thank you for any advice. xx

[pixie74]

Thank you for your kind words of support. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions. One day I’m so angry with him for what he’s doing to himself I want to throw him out, the next I feel sad that he’s using Cannabis as an escape, and messing with his mental health and his future. Today I feel sad, but You’ve given me hope. Thank you. Jackie, I’m glad your son has found his way again, I wish him well for continued happiness . Xx

[hilltopfillie]

I can relate to how you feel. The “all my friends do it” comment has been thrown at me. I worry so much about things escalating. This forum seems like a good place to share and realise how many others share in your angst and are feeling just as you do right now. I wish I had the answers for you, I will follow this thread and keep my fingers crossed we both find useful advice

[lindyloo]

Hi Pixie and Jackie

I’ve been reading your thread.

I too, am the mother of an adult son with alcohol and drugs addiction.

Pixie – I totally understand and sympathise with you. It must be hard when he’s behaving like that under your nose. Its really hurtful and you feel helpless. He needs to get to a point where he needs the support. Everyone doesn’t do it…my daughter had the same upbringing and not interested in using anything! Read the other threads might be another in same situation.

Jackie – your story gives me hope for my son. Im so happy for you, that’s all you want as a mum, for them to be healthy and happy!

I wish you both well.

Keep posting

Lx

[tina]

Hi Pixie,

I feel your pain – my husband is a cannabis addict, and smokes every day. I am at my wits end.

My brother had issues with mental health due to cannabis use too, so all I can advise is get him help as soon as you can, otherwise this problem will just get worse. My husband is 46 and I fear there isn’t anything I can do to help as he has serious emotional problems (probably due to his mum’s alcoholism and his family’s attitude towards emotions generally). He has a family who loves him and yet he just wants to spend all his free time getting stoned.

Don’t feel guilty about telling your son he can’t smoke in the house. Skunk is incredibly strong and dangerous for mental health – I had a boyfriend who’s Dad didn’t see the harm in him smoking and he ended up with full blown psychosis.

I wish I could offer more advice and help – all I can say is that my brother got better, he got help and support, that’s what your son needs.

Sending so much luck and good wishes your way,

Tina

[pixie74]

Thank You Tina. I’m really sorry that your husband has these issues. You’re incredible for sticking by him, it must be so hard living with it like this.

Last night my son smoked drugs in the house again, despite sending me a text an hour before telling me there was ‘nothing up stairs’. He’s always told lies but now we don’t know where the truth or lies begin and end. Our bedroom and landing stunk of the stuff, and so we confronted him. As he was stoned he was really amiable and apologetic, this morning is very different as we’ve told him to move rooms, to the small one downstairs.

He says he hasn’t got a problem, we don’t know what we’re talking about, everyone does it, in there homes and now he’ll be depressed and he hates us. ???? I’m worried he’s going to move out and live with other users, but we can’t keep enabling him.

[mum46]

Hi All,

I have only just registered on this forum and this is the first time I ever write to strangers and share my thoughts, fears and emotions. I have a son who just turned 19 and has been smoking weed for a few years. It started in school with the occasional joint, then a few years later, now he is addicted and smokes it every day. He hardly left our home in the last 12 months during covid and became very isolated. He suffers from anxiety and mood swings.

He tried to stop a few times but couldnt manage it on his own. Unfortunately, he wont talk to anyone about it as he is “not ready”. I’m so scared that it is too late and he wont be able to function and live a happy life without it.

I know it is quite an old post that I’m responding but wanted to see if you were still around on this forum.

Take care everyone.

[linda]

Hi , yes I’m still on the forum

Regarding my son has been using since he was 12 and now is 20 , I did write on the forum about him last year , due to his aggressive behaviour, and I was at my wits end ! a year on and during lock down things got worse he has now psychosis and has very severe delusions and hallucinations and ! Still using canibis On Saturday he was sleeping with knives to protect himself and running around the gardens looking for so called trespassers looking for him ,he really cuts and self harms now and lifted a knife in front of me to cut himself

I rang the doctor and she tried to contact my son but he would not talk to her , today we where visited by the young persons intervation team to support aaron to help him with his phycosis ! But he again refused , I now have the support from the mental health team thank god , and told that if he has another psychosis I can ring and have him sectioned , ! Which I will do ! My son can not cope with out using ! He has a bed room like a squat and never leaves the house ! His cannabis is posted to him from America ! Only this morning while I was trying to coax him out his bedroom to talk to the team in my house he said I was crazy ! His mental age is about 15 although he is 20 !

Praying one day he will seek recovery !

[anita]

Hi Linda,

Thank you for sharing. This is my first time on the forum, I’m so worried about my son. Like yours and others he has been using weed for a few years but it is out of control now. He is starting to get regular psychosis episodes. The only time to have a half normal conversation is when he’s been smoking, the coming down is awful, he gets abusive etc. He’s living far from home at college. He’s 23 and it’s got to the stage now where we think he needs to come home. I’m writing a letter to him after reading the advice on Adfam’s site to try to set boundaries before he comes home. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing or will I frighten him away even more? I’m just thinking aloud here but if anyone can offer me advice I’d be very glad. I feel like he’s on the brink. He has kept going until now but he refuses to get help even though I’ve researched help local to where he is. I feel like I need to make it a condition of him coming home that he gets professional help. His Dad is going to visit him and see if he can convince him to come home but we are separated and I live alone and I’m quite scared of living with my son at the moment. Thanks to all who have posted here – it’s good to not feel so alone. I live in a small community where everyone knows everyone’s business and this is so hard to talk about

[pixie74]

Hi Linda, and All.

I find it so frustrating that the Mental Health teams can only intervene if the person wants them too. Your son is not in a stable mindset to make that decision and as his Mom you know that’s what he needs. We are currently going through a similar situation with another family member, not drug related but they need MH support, but they are not receptive. If you’re son is a danger to his own life and others I think they can section him, but you really need to push for it, they don’t do it lightly,

The whole culture around weed is bad, young people want it to be like the USA and legal. That would only encourage my son, not deter him!

You and your son are in my thoughts. I really hope he gets the help he needs. X

[dawn01223]

Hello everyone. I am totally in the same place with my 21 year old son. He has smoked for many years and has always suffered anxiety, but this is now alot worse to the point that today he collapsed having an anxiety attack. Gp is aware and he has 200mg of sertraline daily, but hasn’t been in work since Jan as his anxiety stop him. ANY advice would be massively appreciated as im really scared for my boy ????

[jackie723]

Hi it’s so hard do feel for you I found it just a waiting game for him to hit rock bottom, which he did he didn’t take anything to help him he just went cold Turkey. I wish I could be more helpful and hope it works out for you x

[linda]

Hi , everyone, this forum feels so therapeutic for me just talking , my son a few weeks on from my last post has had the worst !! deluded phycosis state of mind episode yet ! in the middle of the night , hallucinations with a talking spot light !!!! it was the scariest yet , for us all , I rang the crisis team for help , by which time he had calmed down and they advised leave him alone !

Any way since that night he has sort of stopped smoking weed as must have scared himself , so bad he said sorry he had a nightmare !!

Re His mental health today he really suffers from social anxiety.but He did go out over the weekend and ended up in a fight ! Bruised as draws attention to himself dressed the way he does !

I’m Hopeful his Rock bottom is nearly there , as still not smoked ???????? Unless I just can’t smell it ! As eating it now !

[linda]

Hi , so sorry to read your situation you are def not alone , in my experience the boundaries that i set re living in our home since my son was 12 to 20 where never respected as he respected the weed and drugs more , when he smashed up my home over and over again ! I eventually had him arrested and handcuffed from within our house ! He was mortified! And thought I’d never do that to him But I was relieved they took him away ! And felt empowered, it worked as he never smashed it up again as he knew I had the police on my side now and only had to ring them

Re the psychosis and deluded thoughts ! Iv now got the doctor and the young intervention mental health act team to support my family and my son if he wants it

In my experience the addict will not except help with mental health until they want it ! Iv had the services in my house waiting for my son to come down from his squat of a bedroom ,, my son now understands that the next bad psychosis deluded episode I can call the team and have him sectioned, and I will too as he is a danger to me and my family in a psychotic state , it scares us all ! My heart beats and feel intimidated ,

Your life and well being will most certainly become strained if your son moves home , you can’t fix him , he has to fix himself , Iv learnt to detach with love ,

One day at a time

Take care always here to chat too ????

[anita]

Linda, thank you. I’m bracing myself for what’s ahead but I know I have to be firm and mean what I say. I take comfort from your strength. I’ll be reading your words again and again when I need to remember to stick to my boundaries.

I hope your son goes with the help.

Thanks again, all the best to you and your son. A. Xx

[dawn01223]

Thankyou to everyone on this thread. I am currently sitting here in tears as my son is at his lowest ever ????

[mum46]

I’m praying for all our boys ????

[lindyloo]

Amen to that. X

[pixie74]

Last night things went downhill rapidly. We’d had a really good period with our son, months of improvement. Still smoking, but under our rules. We now realise this was to get access to his bigger/better room again, and as it was his 21st Birthday! We allowed him back into the attic room on the condition that there were no drugs, drug paraphernalia or anything to do with drugs kept up there. Within a week I’d found traces of edibles ????

Yesterday after cleaning his bathroom I found the wrappers, and Vape cartridges and CBD drinks. We tried to talk to him when he got home from work, he’s obviously taking edibles on the nights he isn’t smoking (conditions of moving upstairs), but he got defensive really quickly. He and my husband got into a row and told him to leave the house. So now he’s gone! Probably to one of his weed mates. Who knows where this will end now. ???????? I don’t know what to do. I should have not mentioned what I’d found.

[pixie74]

Last night things went downhill rapidly. We’d had a really good period with our son, months of improvement. Still smoking, but under our rules. We now realise this was to get access to his bigger/better room again, and as it was his 21st Birthday! We allowed him back into the attic room on the condition that there were no drugs, drug paraphernalia or anything to do with drugs kept up there. Within a week I’d found traces of edibles ????

Yesterday after cleaning his bathroom I found the wrappers, and Vape cartridges and CBD drinks. We tried to talk to him when he got home from work, he’s obviously taking edibles on the nights he isn’t smoking (conditions of moving upstairs), but he got defensive really quickly. He and my husband got into a row and told him to leave the house. So now he’s gone! Probably to one of his weed mates. Who knows where this will end now. ???????? I don’t know what to do. I should have not mentioned what I’d found.

[anita]

Hope things are going OK Pixie. It’s so frustrating when things seem to be going well and then it can all change again. I have my son home from college and it’s good to have him close by but difficult to watch him going through the highs and lows and resisting professional help. We agreed the other day that he would hand his weed over to me, divided into amounts to be given to him each day in an attempt to wean him gradually off the addiction. I have no idea if it will work! First three days were good then he ran out yesterday and by evening was very agitated, talking non-stop, verbally abusive at times, but not as bad as I’ve seen him before where he would literally be shouting at the top of his voice out the window at nobody in particular. So there is a bit of light showing for us but the tunnel still feels long!!

[linda]

Hi , you in my opinion did the right thing by confronting him and keeping to your rules which if he broke had consequences , we have had the same situation many times and asked my son to leave the house , only me having him arrested and calling the mental health team did he start to respect me and my husband and the rules ,

My son lived in a drug squat for a week after he left but soon came home , with the rules agreed , short lived though , but I felt empowered when he walked through my door again

Keep doing what your doing , it’s hard but stay positive, you will become stronger each time , I have , Iv been through hell but seeing a light in the distance xx

[linda]

Hi , wow I needed to read your shared post yesterday thank you , makes me feel I’m not alone in this nightmare of addiction,

my son after having no weed has turned to wine 2 bottles he drank and yesterday ended up self harming upper arm s and forearms , running over to me early hours phycotic , and needing to go to A E for a clean and patch up of his wounds plus a tetanus ! I

I thought this would be a good enterence to the crisis team ! So I phoned them requesting an assessment! Aaron obs declined the offer , he said what can they do mum ? they cant fix that I’m sad and lonely ???? when we got home I cried into his arms telling him how much I loved him , as he lay there vacant on his bed , telling me mum I just need weed and everything will be ok !! I collected around 15 empty bottles of wine , he refused to go to his grandads 84 th birthday gathering as grandad and nanny would be sad seeing his arms and he would ruin the night !! My babies arms so scared ,

Your posts all help so much it’s nice to express emotions freely ,

Today is a new day ????????

[anita]

Linda, I pray our boys will get the help they need to get themselves out of this spiral. We are on day 3 no weed. Last night his friend came over and he had around 8 cans, couldn’t sleep, shouting at the top of his voice this morning at 6am. I got him to talk to the out of hours medical team at around 10 but he’s well able to talk to them and convince them he’s OK, and they won’t do anything unless he asks for help. So it’s just a case of waiting and praying ????????

[linda]

Hi , praying hard every day too our boys will find peace and freedom from the torment of drugs , I feel so much empathy and care towards you ???????? re the shouting at the top of his voice 6am ! I try and Stay calm and try not to raise my voice over the psychosis outburst s , I’m praying your son reaches 4 days free of weed and counting forwards !

It feels good to talk to someone who understands thank you , stay strong ????????

[anita]

Thank you Linda, absolutely. I’ll keep the prayers going too for our boys. Take care xx

[anita]

An update and I hope a message of hope…. The day I last posted ended up a very scary day, it was day 3 no weed. In the end I got some as my son was a danger to himself. We agreed to split it into 4 days (previous week we had divided the bag into 3) and again I would keep it and give it to him each day. Symptoms built up over the days but it wasn’t too bad until he decided that he wanted to go without, not do another weaning off week as I had thought. By the second day of no weed I was so anxious (withdrawal symptoms getting so frightening again, I had just got back from work on Friday afternoon) I gave him an ultimatum – either we get weed and I divide it up smaller this time or he goes to the doctor that day.

He eventually, and only after I literally begged him, agreed to go. We had to wait 40 mins to go in which was almost unbearable… anyway we went, we were sent to the hospital from there for an emergency assessment, got anti psychotic medication, phone calls from mental health nurse over the weekend and an appointment with the mental health team on Tuesday.

He had his first night in about a month without horrible nightmares on Monday night. Symptoms of paranoia and delusion are gradually diminishing. He has a long way to go to get his self confidence back and to stay off the weed. But I’m hopeful and wanted to share this in case in helps anyone out there who’s going through this experience with a loved one…. Sending love to you and yours

[mum46]

That’s great news Anita.

So happy for your boy to get the help he needed.

It’s a very big step to go to a doctor and ask for help.

My son (19) is completely broken, cannot see a future, isolated himself from all his peers, no school, no job, now suffering from social anxiety, won’t come out of his room all day (only to smoke cigarettes). He hasn’t had any episodes but does sleep with a knife in case someone comes into our house. He is very frustrated and angry all the time. He used to smoke loads of weed, about an ounce a week, that was crippling us financially. He stopped recently but moved to do edibles. I would say it’s better as it has medical benefits however it’s just as bad as far as being addicted to it and giving you anxiety. It’s such a screwed up situation as he takes it to calm him and forget about his worries but it actually makes him frustrated and anxious in the long run. Unfortunately he won’t get any help or talk to a psychologist.

I pray every day that God shows him a reason to live his life again and show him how beautiful life can be.

Stay strong you ladies and yours out there xxx

[anita]

Thank you Mum46, I can totally relate to what you say about your son, the social anxiety, using cannabis to help with the pain of his feelings, it has taken years for my son to get to the stage of getting help. He’s nearly 23. I think they have to get to a rock bottom to agree to help, it has been a long struggle and I know we’re not there yet but it feels like a huge step. I know you won’t give up on your son, keep going, keep the message that help is out there and I pray your son will agree to help. Btw, the first step my son took was with an addiction counsellor on a phone help line a few weeks ago when I assured him it wasn’t a psychologist!!

[linda]

Hi everyone , praying for my son and our boys I know god replied to me

A week ago my very damaged son left the house to go to a party only around the corner ! My words to him where stay safe be carful I love you ,

After having a good few weeks with no drug use I was anxious about him

1 hour later he was brought home completely unable to walk alone , talk Or communicate ! My husband took him to bed and held a bucket over him while I video’d his behaviour to shock him ,

Then it all went wrong ! He had a fit and laboured breathing , I called the ambulance and they went through CPR with my husband to keep him alive ,

Paramedics came in 2 responses and took over stabilised him and we took him to AE ,

He was unconscious fir 8 hours after X-rays CT scans ! Of his brain ! I never left his side then he woke up ! And became aggressive! Shouting at me I was a grass !! Prob as I had told police about the drug dealers in the past

Any way he was seen by the mental health team assessed and told he never fitted their criteria as his urine test was clear of drugs ! Not even weed ! But had had something prob over dosed on the date rape drug which their all using now or he was spiked

After showing him the footage of himself and the fright of nearly dying he has seen a doctor and he is taking sertraline each day I give him 1 every day

He is reluctant to use again thank god , we took the lock off his door and cuddle and love each other each day I feel like I’m getting my boy back it might have taken nearly dying to reach his rock bottom ???????? Please god save our children from this addiction, thank you for sharing your stories it helps me so much that I’m not alone

[anita]

Oh God Linda, you’ve been through so much, thankfully it sounds like things are starting to work out. Mind yourself and I will remember to say a prayer for you and your son too. Thank you too for sharing x

[linda]

Thank you to everyone here who has listened to me and shared their experiences and prayers on this amazing forum , it has helped me so much , emotionally, to know I’m not alone ????????

[pixie74]

Reaching out to you all as I’ve just had another blazing row with my son over his drug use. He has an unexpected day off from work and decided it was a lovely day to cycle to the local lake and smoke a joint in the middle of the day. He got high last night, and will no doubt be getting high tonight too. I’ve confronted him because again this a low point, smoking in the middle of the day. Of course I get the usual barrage of ‘you don’t get it’ ‘it’s no big deal’, ‘it’s like having a beer on holiday in the day’. To me it is a big deal. He smokes or takes edibles every day now, even though he says he doesn’t. I’m at my wits end and I know only you guys will get it!

[linda]

Hi pixie , reading your post brought back memories of the earlier months and the chaos in my house hold and tormented mind I consumed that my son smoked weed day and night ,

I now have learned how to detach from wanting to control my sons smoking and usage wether it is in the morning , day , or night time as long as it is not inside my house ! They are the rules

I set my rules and then gave him his own choices to get stonned or get clean ! Iv had enough of the tormented conversations and arguments, Even my son laying on the bedroom floor receiving CPR a month ago has not stopped his addiction, so Iv let go

Only this morning he has been up all night running outside to smoke weed and is very very high ! I just calmly asked him if he was ok and made his bed up and smiled gave him a drink ! No shouting no abusive comments , he looked at me with confusion I have now after 7 years just accepted my son is an addict and I have no power to stop it , I now just love him more , lots of hugs and kisses

Step back and let go as it’s out of your hands and power to control the addiction of this substance, or your sons will to use

It is what it is and only god knows what’s in store for him ,

Take care hope things get better and you find peace

Lin

[linda]

Hi I feel I really need to share my horrid experiences with you all from over the last 3 days since writing my last post

My son has been extremely high and almost sedated hardly able to speak or keep conscious , over the last 4 days I thought he had been drinking a fluid of a cannabis substance and smoking it but what we found today was a shock

He has been addicted and using a drug called lean ! It is basically cough mixture , with a high amount of codine and an antihistamine in which mixed with a sprite ,lemonade and served in a polystyrene cup !!! he has also taken and bought 34 diazepam, snd smoked cannabis too in the last 4 days ! plus had 50 mg of sertraline which was prescribed for his depression! God only knows why he is not dead !!

The drug lean is I now know is what he had taken with a consumption of alcohol when he needed CPR and his heart was stopping !! but he is still drinking it !

All his money from his Benefits has gone now so he can’t buy any more so wanting money off the family !! There is non to be given !! now I’m waiting for the withdrawals!

Iv stayed calm no shouting just firm cried a lot to drug help lines and the early intervention team which still can’t help him , he is at the min collapsed on his bed still dressed and sedated with the drugs , now I’m dealing with a new addiction to LEAN !! And weed !! Iv sent him a message and said rehab is waiting for him when he has had enough pain ! I have to keep checking he is still breathing ! I keep praying ! He is wearing rosary beads around his neck he knows god is there close to him ????????

Thank you for allowing me to share my pain ????

[lindyloo]

Hi Linda,

I’ve been reading your story on this thread. I’m so very sorry you are going through this with your son.

We’re all on this forum because we have a loved one with an addiction.

I usually post on the Theresa thread, we are all mums with sons with addictions.

My son is 28yrs and has alcohol and cocaine addictions. The last 14yrs of his (and our ) lives has been a nightmare. I understand some of what you’re going through.

My son reached out to us for help almost 2 years ago. He admitted his addictions and asked us to support him. He joined AA and CA and has got himself clean but also has had relapses.

He told me to still love him but hate the addiction and what it does. I think you’re doing the right thing supporting the best way you can under these really difficult circumstances. Detaching yourself a bit is something you need to do for your own sanity in my opinion.

Find time for yourself and celebrate small achievements. The forum has advice and support as do the Icarus trust who post here. I hope you both get the help and support you both need.

Unfortunately until they themselves admit they have a problem and want support there’s little we as mums can do except pray and support them as best we can without enabling them too much.

Stay strong, keep in touch here. It helps to vent or seek support.

Take care ❤

Lx

[anita]

Linda, sorry for the pain your son and you are going through. Prayers and thoughts for you both. I agree with Lindyloo, you are doing the right thing. All you can do is be there, keep loving your boy and do your best to look after yourself too. Keep finding the positives however small they seem????

[linda]

Hi today was the last straw ! I and my husband /have been manipulated and bullied abused by my drug addict son for the last time !

Today he has been abusive , bullying, and simply vile as he has no drugs or money !

I spoke in desperation to a help line ! Who who asked me what consequences he has for his actions ! I was like ? ??

She said cut off internet !

So I did ! He was furious ! And took a cable to hang himself I front of my husband and stole his phone and said he would self harm ! So I called the police ambulance! My son was very high still ! And threatened to punch the police man in the face ! Talking absolute nonsense he was

Arrested !! I watched once again ! Handcuffed !!! With no emotion seeing him sat in the police car !! he said mum I love you !!

He is no longer allowed to my home he is homeless !now No money ! No phone ! No drugs !

He has a choice ! Rehab ! Or homeless !

I have to ring the police if he comes to

My door ! Iv gutted his room and given a bag of clothes to clothes to my daughter to hand to him in custody!

Iv had enough ! Of being played manipulated and abused ! As a mother !

It’s tough love but hopefully he gets it snd goes to rehab it’s his choice and not my fault ! I felt very sad but it’s affecting my mental health being controlled by a drug addict !

Hopefully he reflects in a cell and gets assessed as mentally unstable by the nurse in custody!

I feel free ! I feel like I have been in an abusive relationship and Iv stood up to the bully !!

Me and my husband feel relieved and safe now he has gone ! That’s so sad to say about your own son but he has consumed and bullied our. lives for too long !!

It’s going to be stressful but I need to stick to my rules there’s going back now !!

[anita]

Linda, I’m so so sorry for what you’re going through. I admire your strength and courage and I believe you are doing the right thing, the only thing, you can do. Your son loves you, that’s clear and it’s what matters. I hope and pray he will get the help he desperately needs.

We are dealing with a lot of mental health issues with my son which is hard and heartbreaking at times but I’m very thankful that we seem to be on a road that might take him to a better place.

Very best wishes xx

[linda]

Thank you anita I am so happy your pain and your sons health is starting to be positive , I am too waiting for the moment the words from my sons mouth I want rehab

He has literally just come out of custody, 18 hours , the mental nurse assessed him there and said he shows no criteria for taking away his liberties but he does show attention deficit and even autism but can’t test as he takes drugs !

He is going to stay with my daughter till Tuesday then he is getting an emergency housing , as he will be homeless , he has lived a privileged life and needs to experience real life if he spends all his money on drugs then he will have no food etc , he does not want rehab and would rather have the worst option !!he can come home if he goes to rehab !

I have to detach all contact for 4 weeks

He has already told my son and daughter he has a knife hitting it on the counter ! We just ignored him ! attention !

We have explained that if he comes near the house the police will be called !

I feel like I have been in an mentally abusive , controlled relationship where my son controlled the house and me and my husband !

Iv got to stay strong ,energise and enjoy my home and marriage again with out my son living here !

Best wishes too anita ! You stay strong too and bless you all in your household xx

[smig]

I do hope all your boys come through this. Similar situation however my 21 and 18 year old son are both weed users and during lockdown my husband has also started using, I’m so stressed about it all and currently they go outside in the shed as I won’t allow it in the house, it started at weekends but then gets more often and creeps into the week it’s currently 3 or 4 times a week. They are currently all holding jobs down and say they prefer to smoke weed than drink alcohol, thy also use edibles, and argue thier case by telling me it’s better than some hard drugs thier friends are using. My eldest son suffers with anxiety and depression and I’m so scared the weed smoking 1) is him trying to self medicate and 2) going to turn into him suffering with psychosis. I feel so alone as my husband (of 30 years – not a user until lockdown) thinks I’m overreacting and that there’s nothing wrong with him smoking a joint with his boys. I have read loads and loads around the subject but am so confused as to how to handle it as they are not aggressive, they are quite fun and nice to be with when they have smoked it. They also go to work have friends and eldest has a lovely girlfriend (not a weed smoker) but I’m scared it’s only a matter of time before the downward spiral starts, I just want them to want to stop!! I’d be grateful for any advice. Xxx

[anita]

Hi Smig

This just popped up on my email and I haven’t posted for ages on the site as, thankfully, things have turned around for my son for the moment. I suppose the only advice I can offer you is that every case is different and I think you’e very wise to be concerned if your son is prone to anxiety and depression. My two boys are now 23 and 21 and it was only my older son who ended up with a serious problem with weed. My younger son is an occasional user now and is fine with it. They both live away from home.

I don’t think trying to get them all to stop is going to be very effective to be honest, especially as their dad has joined the gang! If I were you I would try to show as much interest as you can in what is going on for your son in general as opposed to the behaviour (ie smoking weed). If you see signs of anxiety I would name those signs, I notice you’re…. and then just listen or wait and see if he opens up at all.

From my experience this took a long time and my son got to a very worrying place. Eventually I gave him an ultimatum and he finally agreed to go to the doctor and seek help. Then gradually everything changed. It wasn’t easy for him by any means but he went through it and is now doing ok and has learned the hard way that weed does not suit him and he can’t have it.

My heart goes out to you, it’s very hard to watch your child suffer and I hope it doesn’t go that way for your son but if it does, don’t despair, there’s a way back.

Wishing you and your family all the very best.

Anita

[smig]

Thanks very much for your reply Anita, I think you’re right and I think I’m going to have to just ride it out and try and stop myself from being so stressed about the weed. I don’t drink but they all argue the drink versus weed and as it happens in my experience watching people and reading about it the weed usually does come out on top. My eldest has been on sertralime before and says it just makes him feel numb and in all fairness if he’s just smoking weed at weekend once or twice he is generally on top of his anxiety but it just tends to creep up amd up don’t so I know it does have benefits but I am so nervous they will become addicted if not already and the chance of developing psychosis scares me. Also my youngest son can become a little bit withdrawn when he smokes it on a regular basis which again worries me to death. I spoke to my husband last night and he has agreed to speak to them and say they need to cut it back again to weekend so ???? they will.

Thankyou so much for replying and this forum is great to get things off your chest and listen to other people in the same or similar circumstances. I hope your boys continue to be well and stay of it the majority of the time. Take care amd thanks again xxx

[anita]

You’re welcome Smig – btw CBD oil can be helpful and doesn’t have the potentially harmful component of weed.

One other little thing I remembered when reading your post, my son told me that it was really unhelpful and stressful for him to see me so worried all the time. Again, this took time, but I did learn to focus less on my worries and more on other things in my own life and this did help.

All the very best xx

[anita]

You’re welcome Smig – btw CBD oil can be helpful and doesn’t have the potentially harmful component of weed.

One other little thing I remembered when reading your post, my son told me that it was really unhelpful and stressful for him to see me so worried all the time. Again, this took time, but I did learn to focus less on my worries and more on other things in my own life and this did help.

All the very best xx

[smig]

Hi Anita, thanks for replying, he has tried CBD oil I’m the past, to be fair he has tried everything for his anxiety from counselling to meditation, tablets he is really big on excercises as he is a boxer so I’ll just keep my fingers crossed the weed thing doesn’t get totally out of control or cause phychotic issues. It’s funny you mention it but my youngest son tells me I have to focus on me more, the thing is I’m not usually a worrier but this has defo got me on one. I’ll try and lay off a little bit and see where that takes us. Thanks again xxx

[stephaniegris]

Unfortunately, this is a big problem. And many started out thinking that I wasn’t like that and it wouldn’t happen to me. Edmonton Alberta Dispensary became my place to find a remedy to relieve fatigue after stressful situations. But it didn’t become my addiction. Perhaps our behavior is influenced by other qualities of character. Willpower, for example. Sometimes something in a person breaks down, and he can no longer cope with his addictions, finding in them a consolation to his mental pain. It is bad that close people do not always notice the moment of this breakdown and come to aid.

[petfriend]

My heart breaks for you my son has smoked cannabis since he was 12 years old he is now 38 we struggle with working and keeping a family together since I was 16 I have a drink problem I drink too much at home I never drink when I’m out but that is trying to cope with my son’s addiction I lost my husband 10 years ago go I have found a new partner recently who is very very good with my son very patient and helps me help him he hasn’t left his flat now which my partner put down the deposit for he doesn’t open windows or curtains I take his food on a regular basis and you bits of shopping for him in the last two to three years he hasn’t let me in the flat when I take his food up he received it through the window and the smell of damp and cannabis is overbearing he won’t speak to anyone to get help he says he’s fine he’s 38 years old and I love him dearly this is the first time I’ve spoken to anyone about it and I I’m in tears

[anita]

So sorry to hear your pain, please reach out and get help. It sounds like a horrible situation for all of you… I found this site so helpful, reading through the support material when I was at my wits end not knowing what to do to help my son. Thank God we are out the other side now. It was hard but until we got outside help we weren’t getting anywhere. In my case I had to give my son an ultimatum that he see the doctor or I couldn’t support him any more. I was literally begging him and eventually, after years, he agreed to ask for the help he needed. I hope and pray you will find help and strength.

[petfriend]

Hi thank you,I know I should contact the doctor again he has had medication from the doctor but I can’t make him take this medication , I’ve made up my mind that’s I will contact the doctor again the doctor did arrange for talking therapy for my son, but he wouldn’t answer his phone so it all stopped

[desperate-dad]

Hi

Just read this post, so sorry for what you going through, fully understand the pain.

Please read:

My son 18 years old, the smartest people I ever known, won several awards in physics and chemistry and was invited to Cambridge at the age of 14, holds Surrey district 100 meter sprint since the age of 13 and was very talented footballer and rugby player and on top of that my best friend and the light in my eyes. He started the occasional cannabis use at 14 occasionally with his mates since he is very social and always pretended to be the man. Now he is 18, he is fully dependent on weed, he start in the morning then the last one before he goes to bed at midnight. He is shadow of the person he was: no friends, lost lots of weight, no interested in his future, neglected his studies and didn’t bother to study for his A levels, basically, he is not interested in anything. We barely talk since he gets very rude as soon as I mention weed. He stole large amount of money from me over the years. He has a record with the police as he was caught three time. On one night out he was found by police at 4am in the street beaten up with cut lips and smashed nose and was roped of his wallet, phone, cannabis and a very expensive jacket.

He use to get money to by weed from his mum as she ignore the fact that there is a problem and she think he will eventually comeback to his senses.

I clashed with him several times over smoking weed in his room and twice gone physical, although he mostly doesn’t smoke in the house but he still does if he gets drunk or if I go to bed early.

My son was and still

My heart beats but can’t stand looking at him anymore due to the pain caused by cannabis use and all the humiliation i been through from neighbour complaining to police to shouting to stealing to calling me names. I am shadow of the person I was, hardly socialise and constantly arguing with my wife because of him. Our life are upside down and happiness sucked away from our home.

Please advise

[linda]

Hi , so sad to read your post I can completely empathise with your story and the pain in your heart and the want to make everything right and happy again for your son and your relationships.

Looking back over the years regarding my sons addiction it was destroying My mental sanity , the relationship with my son , my marriage , I was living my life with only tears and sadness , and my home was being beaten up too ! I came to a point of my own rock bottom ! I was where you seem to be now ! A living hell ! And why ? All Because of my sons life style and choices ,

So ! The best choice I ever made was to save my self !!! And my marriage And little did I know my sons life to ! It’s sink or swim !

I rang the 0300 help line number family s with addictive children ! And was given the one answer that I had not implemented to my son ! And had not carried out for years and years the answer “Consequences “ the consequences for his actions and total disrespect he showed living in my home his home ! And the addictive destruction he was doing to himself , the lack of respect and concern for me his dad and family

So I called the police and asked him to leave my home I had him removed I packed his bag and sent him out of my home to live the life and style that he desired to live ! Drugged stoned aggressive and uncaring he was horrified and shouted at me ! He was now the council s problem

He left he had to ring a homeless charity and for 3 months lived in a homeless council hostel ! With drug addicts ! With out me !! enabling him ! With No contact

It Worked it was the hardest heart wrenching thing I have ever done but the best thing too , I saved myself my marriage but best of all he saved himself too

Today my son is 4 months clean and sober and living back in my home , no drugs , weed smoking , no smashing up my home ! Phycosis delusion ! Self harming stopped ???????? Iv gained his respect at last and he has gained mine !???????? I put rules into place home rules !! If he wants to live in our home !

He now has a full time job ! Is Under the early intervention team , a psychiatrist and on medication for drug induced psychosis and depression, And has been diagnosed now with ADHD ! Which is probably why he smoked weed in the first place ! And is waiting for medication

So if I can give you any advice it would be to draw a line on enabling him to continue to crumble you , and everything around you darken your life and relationship, it’s tough love , get on with your own life if you can

Its His choice of life style and his need to smoke weed is his own negative consequence to himself you can’t control that , unfortunately he will decide when he has had enough ! And you will decide when you have had enough !

So remember the word ! Consequences and stick to your rules if he breaks them rules you have set him then it’s down to you to decide how to deal with it and don’t back down , as long as it’s in a calm way

My life is for now peaceful and Iv been to hell believe me !

Good luck stay strong and there will be a light and happier times ahead I’m living proof

[desperate-dad]

Hi Linda,

Thank you so much for giving me hope. So happy for you, your son doing his best to sober up, he is so lucky to have a mother like you and am sure he appreciated.

Apologies for my spelling and grammar mistakes in the previous post but am writing using my phone and I was so emotional writing it as I never talked about my struggles with my son.

Seeing my son throwing away his present, future and maybe his life, is the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my life and I’ve been through a lot. He is basically vanishing before my eyes. He lost so much weight and looks very very thin, he hardly eat since heavy cannabis use block appetite.

The whole irony, am still talking about him and not even taking a minute to say how I feel.

This month, he hasn’t smoked weed in the house but he still keep it in his room so the smell still overwhelming.

Last night I begged him again to get help told how much I love him and my utter willingness to get him private therapy and rehab and offered to buy him a car, holiday and permanent job if he decides not to get uni or if he doesn’t get any grade, as a man it’s very hard to beg and I weeped while talking to him. His response was: leave me alone and don’t destroy my summer same, I am an adult this my life not yours I can do whatever I want. I love you so much dad but ultimately it’s my life.

My wife thinks like him and say, it’s his choice and you should love your son the way he is even if he is an addict, she always financed his addiction indirectly. She talk to him like there isn’t any problem and very happy to ignore the whole addiction subject so my son obviously has a better relationship with his mum. However, it’s very sad relationship as he will not talk to her about anything happening in his life nor sit with her more than 5-10 minutes a day but she is very happy he is not rude to her. She gets on well with her life interms of socialising and happy to host various girls night till very late.

She will not agree to any sanctions and never ever say no to him. That’s the truth I promise you.

So very difficult situation for me as I am the only one in the house who is always sad and worried. I’ve been told I need to chill and take it day by day but can’t do that knowing I am being disrespected daily, ignored and being used for cash only to pay for the big house in Surrey, private schools….etc

[anita]

Hi DD,

I’m so sorry for the pain you’re going through, I would advise you to start limiting access to money wherever you can, including your wife! Addicts don’t understand what is best for them they need help and sometimes the only way is to cut off the money supply. It will be horrible for a while, I went through some very scary times with my son. Once he got help, he went back to uni, has just finished his physics masters and I cannot believe how he turned his life around in the space of a year. He was too afraid to get help for many years, even tho I begged him, in the end he had to, he was desperate because he couldn’t get the weed anymore, or not enough. Withdrawal is horrible, scary, you have to be prepared for it. I think I described our experience last year on this thread. I also see another member of my extended family, alcoholic, being financially supported in her addiction and nothing changes… She is the same age as me and I think she will probably die soon, she has missed out on so much in her life, her addiction has been enabled and she hasn’t the strength to choose help.

I wish you the very best, get some help for yourself, read the info on this site, I have to say it was what helped me get my thoughts a bit more straight during that awful time.

[desperate-dad]

Hi Anita

Thank you so much taking the time to respond, very much appreciated and make me feel I am not alone. Well done to your son and wish him the best of life.

Money been the root cause of our son addiction and seems like mission impossible to cut this out. There was time where my wife didn’t give him money for few weeks but he managed to get weekend jobs so he can afford weed.

As we stand he is on it from morning till he goes to bed. I must say he is the politest most charming boy you ever come cross if I don’t talk about weed use, however, he turns into a monster as soon as weed mentioned, hence, my wife happy to finance it as with it he present himself as interested and intelligent person

[mum46]

Morning all

I need your help please!

What emergency line can I call to get immediate help with withdraw symptoms please? Son is trying to come off weed and he is edgy, angry, violent, sweating, nightmares. He doesn’t want any anti depressant, as he thinks that’s poison (he would rather have weed to control his anxiety). Is there anything they can give him to help with withdraw that’s not anti-depressant? Does anyone know please? And who can I speak to? Not even sure if he would talk to anyone. He just wants weed but I refuse to buy any more.

But he is now walking around like a ticking bomb. I need to have a plan who to call. We are in Kent if that makes a difference. I googled it but I could only find detox places, and advice to contact the GP. I need an emergency helpline where I can talk to someone immediately if I need to please.

Can anyone help? Anyone has experience?

Thank you xx

[mum46]

Morning all

I need your help please!

What emergency line can I call to get immediate help with withdraw symptoms please? Son is trying to come off weed and he is edgy, angry, violent, sweating, nightmares. He doesn’t want any anti depressant, as he thinks that’s poison (he would rather have weed to control his anxiety). Is there anything they can give him to help with withdraw that’s not anti-depressant? Does anyone know please? And who can I speak to? Not even sure if he would talk to anyone. He just wants weed but I refuse to buy any more.

But he is now walking around like a ticking bomb. I need to have a plan who to call. We are in Kent if that makes a difference. I googled it but I could only find detox places, and advice to contact the GP. I need an emergency helpline where I can talk to someone immediately if I need to please.

Can anyone help? Anyone has experience?

Thank you xx

[linda]

Hi mum 46 so sorry to read your pain and worry , i rang a 24 support group ADFAM 300 number and spoke to a councillor, who E mailed me and supported me in my darkest times , I also spoke on behalf of my son to his doctor who then re fared him to the early intervention team which you will have in your council area , they come out to your house and will evaluate the health of your son , which is what happened to my son

He had phycosis deluded thoughts and began to self harm ! All of which has now stopped ???????? Thanks to medication , counciling and a support worker ,

So firstly get support via the charity , ring the doctor for early intervention help

Hope this helps ????????????????

[linda]

Hi mum 46 so sorry to read your pain and worry , i rang a 24 support group ADFAM 300 number and spoke to a councillor, who E mailed me and supported me in my darkest times , I also spoke on behalf of my son to his doctor who then re fared him to the early intervention team which you will have in your council area , they come out to your house and will evaluate the health of your son , which is what happened to my son

He had phycosis deluded thoughts and began to self harm ! All of which has now stopped ???????? Thanks to medication , counciling and a support worker ,

So firstly get support via the charity , ring the doctor for early intervention help

Hope this helps ????????????????

[anita]

Hi Mum46, I hope you got through the weekend OK… Just wanted to to share, my son was put on antipsychotic medication for a short time while he was suffering withdrawal symptoms like the ones you describe, it definitely helped but it’s just time most of all. He did find it hard to be with others, go out at all even to a shop but bit by bit he managed it. I wish you and your son all the best, sending love and a prayer that he feels better soon and can get on with his life ????????

[mum46]

Thank you all for the advice and help. I found a local organisation with a helpline and possibility of self referral as well. I have their number in case we need them. We have tried coming off it quite a few times without any professional help. Unfortunately unsuccessfully and it was horrendous and heartbreaking at times. I pray every day that God gives us strength and shows us the way out of this hole.

????

[mum46]

Thank you all for the advice and help. I found a local organisation with a helpline and possibility of self referral as well. I have their number in case we need them. We have tried coming off it quite a few times without any professional help. Unfortunately unsuccessfully and it was horrendous and heartbreaking at times. I pray every day that God gives us strength and shows us the way out of this hole.

????

[linda]

Hi mum46 that is such rewarding news to hear from you ????????

My son is a living proof that change can happen sooner or later I wrote on this amazing forum so many times at my darkest hours desperately trying to find help advice and support ! It was so scary for everyone in my household to witness the withdrawal symptoms delusion thoughts and the phycosis

My son is clean now and on anti phycotic drugs

Stay strong , and support yourself ! Hope and pray you both get some peace in your lives , we are always here to chat remember that , this forum helped save my sanity ????????

[linda]

Hi mum46 that is such rewarding news to hear from you ????????

My son is a living proof that change can happen sooner or later I wrote on this amazing forum so many times at my darkest hours desperately trying to find help advice and support ! It was so scary for everyone in my household to witness the withdrawal symptoms delusion thoughts and the phycosis

My son is clean now and on anti phycotic drugs

Stay strong , and support yourself ! Hope and pray you both get some peace in your lives , we are always here to chat remember that , this forum helped save my sanity ????????

[Author]

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