[mumoffour]

Hi, please excuse myself I am new to this site. My son is now 22, he has always been a difficult child, did not like rules etc, he would be the class clown and always getting called into school for disrupting the class. I found out he was smoking cannabis a few years ago and we put ground rules down but when he was 16 he left our home and lived with his girlfriend for over 3 years. He has since split up from his girlfriend and he finally opened up to myself and his step-dad about heroin. I was absolutely mortified, he has always stolen things from our home etc but we noticed a lot of expensive items going but as you don’t have proof it is so damn hard to prove, he is such a very believable person, I will admit I have gone throughout all this with blinkers on trying to put in my head a fairytale that in reality will probably not happen. He can be such a wonderfully funny, loving person to be around when he wants to be but he has this addiction. He has not long come home from re-hab we got him a puppy as he adores dogs but I have found marijauna in his room. He is saying he is struggling again I am so so scared he is going to die, this weekend he has spent in his room just lying there and saying he’s just fed up I have no idea how to help him I am trying so hard but whatever I do it doesn’t seem to work, I am so so sorry to go on I understand you are all in the same situation at some point I just really don’t know what to do anymore, I am on medication as I am so down and feel such a failure for not protecting him and being there for him and sleepers as I have horrific nightmares that I hope for gods sake will not come true. He has been beat up over money owing for drugs and still owes a heavy amount but we cannot help anymore as we have bailiff letters coming now as all our money has paid dealers off etc so they don’t kill him, few months ago we had 2 men with faces covered knock and threaten the whole family we are now in the process of moving as I have other children and I am scared witless, I told them he didn’t live here which was a lie but they said they didn’t care that will hurt him more by hurting one of us, my husband has had enough and we are fighting every single day but I have tried so so so damn hard to ask him to leave but I love him and am more scared of harm coming to him, this I know is not fair to my husband and other children but the fear of losing him is destroying me my heartache would be worse if he wasn’t here as I wouldn’t know what or where he was and doing what I am so so so sorry for rambling on I didn’t mean to go on so much if it’s not allowed please delete. Thank you for your time if you have read it sending every single parent, addict, brother, sister, mum, dad, aunt, uncle and any other family member and friends going through this also I send healing to all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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