Not really sure what this is

jamesb

8 replies

Not really sure what this is

I don’t know why I’m sharing this here really. I guess to see if anyone else may relate or feel some same ways possibly? I’m 29, my mum died 3 years ago and my dad 2 years ago 4 days prior to the first anniversary of her passing. I have so much regret for wasting the time I could have spent with them. Guilt for all the times I said I’d pop round after work but went for a pint instead. I just never expected them to not be here. Anyway. I wrote something and I just wanted to put it here because I know from the other topics no one judges here and i can share it without anyone really knowing its me.

Its not a song or a poem or anything in particular just me trying to talk to my parents…. Sorry if its shit or doesn’t read well Im not by any means a writer

I’d say it’s hard to put how I feel into words but that’s not true,

The hard part is putting into words the whole truth,

the unspoken thankyou’s, the unshown gratitude, the missed opportunity’s there was to repay you.

I guess the truth is I never understood the concept of life,

or realised that the most precious thing we have is time.

But I can never change how I spent mine,

Despite the tears my eyes cry,

No amount of photos on the wall can change the fact you both died.

I often wonder if I’ll ever see you on the other side.

if you’re watching the 3 of us from above using heaven to hide

Because sometimes at night,

when things haven’t been right,

from a dark room there’s been a familiar light,

Somehow I know it’s you, even if the light is dim

Reminding me I still have family,

A little brother and a twin

And some boys who are more like family even if their numbers are wearing thin.

I’ll use that light to guide me

even when I can’t see,

Then pass it on the most beautiful girl I think the worlds ever seen

Mum and dad meet Josie, Josie Janet giles dad I think she has your laugh, and mum she has your smile,

For the first time since you left, she’s made the world become clearer

I’m staring into eyes the same as mine without looking in a mirror

from her playground bumps and splitters

And for the rest of all my winters

I’ll love her like you loved me and be the man you knew I was meant to

  • lindyloo
    Participant

    Thank you for your post Jamesb, this is a lovely tribute and I know you will make your mum and dad proud.

    Take care of yourself and your family.

    Lx

  • notmyrealname
    Participant

    Thanks for sharing James. I think we all have feelings of regret when we lose someone. We all feel we could have done more but that time has passed and now we have to work towards the future . It’s good to put your feelings into words to let it all out.

  • deedee31
    Participant

    Hello everyone…im kind of in a situation as yall im 42 years old and have been in a relationship for 11 years…and my partner is really bad into coke…ive tried to give her the benifit of doubt and have ask her to change and she says she will stop but it doesnt help…its really gotten bad as far as our relationship…she does it every night…she is constantly accusing me that i take her shit…(coke) its so bad that she says she put it in the dogs cage, or the toilet and on top of the roof…she constantly paranoid…dont get me wrong shes a different person when she is not on it…but the minute she starts at night forget it…she is a totally different person…when she s accuses me i get so mad that i tell her harsh wrds…like shes dumb retarted…am i wrong of telling her that…like last night i had to leave cause she started accusing me that i stole her stuff she went as far as checking my pockets my bra…i got mad went to sleep on the couch…i dont sleep with her in the bed no more…cause everynight i already know what happens when shes on it…shes a completely different person…and what gets me is the next its like nothing ever happened…not even a apology…and i dont know how to make her stop…what should i do…and what really gets to me is she sleeps all day i go to wrk i come home expecting her to have food at least when i get home she doesn’t wrk…she was just depending on that unemployment…which aint gonna last long…but no shes asleep and she dont get up till 5pm…im to the point where i want to move out i love her but me paying the bills all the time…im tired and stuck…can someone give me advice…im really going crazy cause i dont want to loose her…but where shes going its just ruining our relationship…can anyone relate to my situation…

  • lizmaby2gmailcom
    Participant

    I have a similar situation with my son. Love the boy hate the addiction and it seems the only way they will stop is if they want to. No amount of persuading coaxing crying will change. You have to have boundaries and if those are crossed you or your partner has to leave the relationship

    Don’t give boundaries that you aren’t prepared to enforce if they are crossed but I’ve reached the very painful point of telling my son to leave as I have a life and i can’t live it like this

    Good luck I wish I could say all ends well

    Who knows

  • hilton
    Participant

    James….. honestly. As a mum of three adult kids, 20, 22 and 24…. If any of my kids just wrote your post, without your “poem”, I would be so proud of you. I have tears!

    Life is life. As a parent we accept that our kids have their own lives, the immature selfishness and we just hope and pray that they don’t beat themselves up when we are no longer here.

    I regularly say to my kids… when I’m no longer here you will regret silencing my texts, not responding to my texts, and those texts might be “whoever left their shit in the sink and worktop, SHIFT IT!!!”

    It’s life. I did it to my mum too. Each day my mum texts me first with a x. I keep thinking one day I will miss those texts.

    The fact you posted this…. Your parents are proud. Take it from me, a mum of 3 adult selfish shits (I say that with love) x

  • kate1
    Participant

    I lost my 29 year old son in June this year your words fit us perfectly. We don’t say the thank yous. The I love you’s. We don’t appreciate till it’s gone. I don’t doubt we all meet up again one day and I’m sure your mum and dad knew how you felt without needing to be told xx

  • kate1
    Participant

    Well done for getting off drugs amazing stuff. You have my total respect I recently lost my 29 year old son to drugs so I know how hard it is x

  • anyfuture
    Participant

    What a lovely poem James, thanks for sharing x

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