[01megan]

Hi everyone, hope you’re well. I just wanted to join a forum where others might understand.

It’s been an ongoing issue but from what I’ve seen has worsened this month. It’s difficult to keep full track as I live away. We also had events at Christmas where behaviour was nasty and insulting.

I’ve tried raising the situation but nothing. It gets taken as an attack. Drs are refused so I’m stuck there. Mentally it’s just too much, as feel I have I’m always on edge expecting it to happen. What should be a relaxing break home is anything but.

It’s not just that but the emotional unavailability. It’s the secrecy of hiding drinks etc and so I just feel I’m spending the week cleaning and we might as well be strangers.

It’s trying to explain this unavailability to partner of 3 years and his parents. Naturally they want to meet/speak but honestly I don’t think it will happen. She doesn’t make any effort. We had a group chat and so there’s the generic seasonal greetings but nothing more . I had to cover for his recent bday. There was no offer of a contribution etc and it’s hard. I haven’t spoken to anyone about this which adds to the secrecy.

I’m tired though. My brother threatened not to see her again at Christmas. I think that was about the drinking but wasn’t there to hear the full conversation. He has since apologised but I really do feel I can’t go back here. I am already agonising over Christmas as last year was just a horrible time.

Thanks for reading all of that. It would be good to know if children or relatives of an alcoholic just feel this sense of great loss? I feel like I mourn the loss of the emotionally available parent when they were well. I look at others and crave functional relationships. I just feel it shouldn’t be this hard.

[lindyloo]

Hi Megan

Welcome to the forum, everyone here has a loved one with addictions and also some people in recovery offering support and advice.

Thank you for sharing your story , I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time with your mum.

Addiction is a horrible illness – it turns your loved one into people you don’t know. Makes them selfish and nasty- especially to those closest.

My 29yr son has alcohol and cocaine addictions- when it was at it’s worst, I felt was mourning the loss of the son I had- before Addiction. Its so very sad.

Until they themselves realise they want help and support – you cannot force them into it.

Fortunately my son came to us just before he was about to lose everything.

He joined AA and CA groups and attends regular meetings. He worked the 12 step program and he is currently 1 yr clean.

I wanted you to know that there’s light at the end of the tunnel .

Drugfam , Icarus Trust and the Adfam homepage also offer support and advice.

In the meantime, please look after your own health and well-being.

Take care Megan

Lx ❤️

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