[pickles]

Hi i’ve actually not touched cocaine at all now for quite a few years and have no desire too, recently i keep getting flash backs very clear of that person i had become, the shame, i wonder how much my 16 and 13 year old remember and that it broke down my marriage. I am now financially struggling but i see that as my punishment. You wonder out of who knows as my father seemed to tell all and sundry and to this day absolutely hates me and punishes my mother who again i dont trust her at all as they seemed to side with my ex husband. Never to be honest did they help me really to get clean it was all they never knew! but i lost over 2 stone in weight how could they not.Its got to the point i cant make amends with my father ive decided as and when he does pass away i refuse to go to this person funeral i also feel hurt upset really tbat even still now i dont know/trust my own mother there not happy that ive been clean over 4 years and look after my 3 sons on my own my ex husband sees them every pther weekend not over night. I dont expect pity there’s not a day that goes past that ill end up in tears at the shame which has left me with very bad depression and anxiety some days i just cant get up and the only person i can confide in is my new partner but noone truly understands they say you had choices etc if i had been stronger i wdnt of done in first place.
I protect myself as in dont go girls nights out or what i call club type pubs i feel more safe at home in doors noone can see me then.

[icarus-trust]

Hi,
Thanks for posting your story. I am sorry that you are still having to deal with the impact of taking cocaine even though you must have been very strong to have given it up for several years.

If you would like to talk with someone who would understand what you are going through please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity and offer the free service of our experienced trained volunteers who you could talk with. They may also be able to sign post you to other services that might help.

It may also be good to talk to your GP if you haven;t already done so.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org

Good luck.

[Author]

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