[sebiana]

i have been with my husband for 5 years, married for 3. I have 2 children to a previous partner aged 7 & 15yrs, and a 1 year old together, my husband has been caught out a few times taking cocaine over the years but convinced me it was a one off, as in oh we where at a night club or stag do.

Recently he had a visit from an old friend and they went out drinking he never came home, I was annoyed but assumed he had gone to a party and crashed on a mates sofa only to find early the next morning the police at the door, at first I thought they had been an accident but the officer explained that he had been arrested for possession, they couldn’t tell me what drug but had a warrant to search the house, I was mortified, my eldest son took the little ones up stairs the officers asked if I knew if there was drugs in the house, I immediately said no however within a few minutes of searching the kitchen they found evidence of drug use, there was 4 empty bags containing traces of white powder, tin foil scrunched up wrapped in cellophane, a homemade crack pipe, something that you use to burn drugs in (gauze thing) and a empty bag of white powder über ther steering wheel in his car, I knew instantly what the pipe was.

After being released from prison my husband told me he had been smoking speed, I no you can’t smoke street speed so could only be meth amphetamine.

We have recently moved into this house and only lived here 3 weeks so all them empty bags have been smoked with in 3 weeks.

I am completely heart broken, my brother died 7 years ago through drug abuse my husband knows how I feel about drug use, he has used money that should have been put into the house keeping I have 2 jobs and have worked my arse off the last 2 years to get us out of financial problems as my husbands business went under last year.

He has lied and deceived me for years he admitted that it was crack cocaine, he said he hasn’t done it for long but as I control the finances and couldn’t afford cocaine anymore so looked for a substitute, this is a problem this isn’t a everyone and again use

He is in complete denial and says he takes drugs when he is stressed to help him get through life, we lost our first home as his business started to struggle it was repossessed by the bank, he then carried on with the business for another 2 years falling into more debt never paid anything towards running cost of the house or children until earlier this year I had enough and made him close it down.

I have asked him to leave the family home as he has crossed the line, he has put my children at risk and that I cannot forgive, I can’t bare to look at him I’m just overwhelmed with utter disappointment how could he do this to us.

He has been staying at a friends house and though after a couple of days when I’ve calmed down he would be back and all will be normal, I don’t think so, I’ve explained to him I believe he has a drug addiction I am prepared to stand by him only if he gets help, he wanted to see the children so tikka drugs test before hand it was clear which was good, he’s been clean for 10 days now but I don’t think the withdrawal process has started yet, he thinks because he functions he’s not an addict, he won’t admit it doesn’t see the seriousness of this situation, he keeps asking me to meet up and try’s kissing me and hugging me but I don’t want that, it makes me feel like I’m accepting this behaviour and I am not, not at all, he makes me feel so guilty and I really want to believe him when he says he will stop but I just can’t

I’m going to see a councillor who offers family support for people with drug abuse as I’ve no idea how to cope with this, I don’t want our marraige to end but he’s put me in an impossible position with no where to turn, he said if he don’t have us he might as well carry on taking drugs this I feel is emotional blackmail and wrong on the other hand I would feel responsible if he chose the other path am I wrong to give him hope just so he has a chance to get better

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