[Megzy]

<p style=”margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>Hi everyone,</span></p>
<p style=”margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>I’m new here and feeling completely lost, so I hope it’s okay to share my story.</span></p>
<p style=”margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>I’ve been in a relationship for about 19 months with a man who struggles with addiction. In the beginning, things felt manageable, but over time the relapses, disappearances, broken promises and uncertainty have taken a huge toll on my mental health.</span></p>
<p style=”margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>I love him deeply, but I’ve spent so much time worrying about whether he’s using, whether he’s telling me the truth, whether he’s safe, and whether he still wants to be with me. I feel like I’ve become a detective instead of a partner. I’m constantly analysing messages, trying to work out what’s real and what’s not.</span></p>
<p style=”margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>Recently he relapsed again and admitted he was in a bad way. He says he’s trying to get help through CBT, addiction support and recovery services, and part of me wants to believe him. Another part of me is exhausted from hearing promises and waiting for actions.</span></p>
<p style=”margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>A few days ago I stayed with him and we had a lovely time. There were no arguments, I felt safe, and I genuinely thought things might be improving. I told him face-to-face that I loved him, but that I couldn’t keep going through the cycle of disappearing, poor communication and me spiralling. I told him that if things didn’t change, I would have to let him go.</span></p>
<p style=”margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>Not long after that, he went quiet for hours. Because of everything that’s happened in the past, I immediately thought he was using or lying to me. I became very upset and eventually told him I couldn’t do this anymore.</span></p>
<p style=”margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>The argument escalated and he ended up saying things like:</span></p>

<li style=”margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>“You’re too needy.”</span>
<li style=”margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>“Your mental health needs have thrown this away.”</span>
<li style=”margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>“I’m going to have to love you and leave you.”</span>

<p style=”margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>Those words have absolutely broken me.</span></p>
<p style=”margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>I do have mental health struggles myself, including BPD, depression and anxiety. I know I can be sensitive to abandonment and rejection. But I also feel that living with addiction, unpredictability and broken trust has made those fears much worse.</span></p>
<p style=”margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>I’m now left wondering:</span></p>

<li style=”margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>Did I overreact?</span>
<li style=”margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>Was I asking for too much?</span>
<li style=”margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>Was wanting communication and honesty unreasonable?</span>
<li style=”margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>How do I stop feeling responsible for someone else’s addiction and recovery?</span>
<li style=”margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>How do I stop obsessing over what they’re doing when we’re apart?</span>

<p style=”margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>One of the biggest things I’m struggling with is guilt. Part of me thinks I should have been more understanding. Another part of me thinks I’ve spent 19 months understanding and I’m exhausted.</span></p>
<p style=”margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>I recently reached a point where I felt so overwhelmed that I contacted my crisis team because I felt I couldn’t cope with how low I was feeling. I’m getting support, but I feel heartbroken and lost.</span></p>
<p style=”margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>If anyone has been through something similar, I’d really appreciate hearing how you coped, how you separated your life from your partner’s addiction, and how you stopped carrying the weight of their choices on your shoulders.</span></p>
<p style=”margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 20px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;”><span style=”font-kerning: none;”>Thank you for reading. ❤️</span></p>
<span style=”font-kerning: none;”> </span>

[Megzy]

I’m sorry my message doesn’t make much sense.

iv been with this man for nearly two years and he escapes every month to use crack.

I eventually moved out of the Home because I found him on the sofa bed dressed as women taking drugs while my daughter was sleeping in the Next room.

I escaped and moved into another property yet I have been seeing him on and off at his place maybe once a week but the cycle has been continuing.

He always promises that he is making a change and he’s starting programs, but they’re always words and never actions.

The problem is, I’m stuck in this cycle where I feel like I can’t break free and I don’t have the strength.

My mental health is deteriorated so much, I have mental health condition anyway, which he uses to his advantage

But just recently, he has told me that he’s ending the relationship because I’m too needy.

Every time he gets paid, I spiral because he doesn’t answer his phone and he goes radio silent and the pattern begins and it’s a push and poor method and I’m finding life very very difficult.

I try and go no contact, but I feel like I’m not strong enough.

 

[Author]

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