[sarahg]

Hi there,

Just been recommended this website by a councillor at Turning Point.

It’s so comforting reading all your stories to realise I’m not alone.

My 21 year old son is addicted to cocaine. Over the past 2 years we have put up with his lies, gambling, debts and stealing from us. Over this time he has promised to quit, I’ve taken him to the doctors, took him to see a councillor and threatened to kick him out as the arguments were driving my husband and I apart. Well two weeks ago we kicked him out as he blew all his wages the weekend on cocaine and after sleeping it all off on Sunday he woke up Monday morning with no money for petrol to get to work etc so we told him we couldn’t put up with it any longer as it was making us ill. He moved out and went to live with his friend (also does coke, all of his friends use it) and his friends Dad. We have not heard anything from him, deep down I was hoping he would regret everything and beg to come home but nothing. My daughter showed us pictures of him on social media and it looks like he is having a great time. I know he owes dealers hundreds of pounds and just sit waiting for the phone call to say he has been beaten up or killed himself ( he has threatened this a few times, usually on the comedown from the coke). My husband and I are sick with worry, I can’t stop crying, find it hard sleep through constant worry, I just want my son back. Have we done the right thing by telling him to leave, feel sick with guilt but don’t know what else to do.

I’m in tears writing this and feel for everyone on here suffering with the same issues.

[lindyloo]

Hi Sarah

Welcome to the forum. There are so many of us mums with sons (mostly sons) and family with addictions. When you read the threads, you won’t feel alone.

Click onto ‘share your story ‘ and read the Theresa thread , there are about 6 or 7 of us mums with sons going through the same as you.

I totally sympathise with you and your family, we’ve been there too.

My son is almost 28 with alcohol and cocaine addictions (dabbling with drugs for around 10yrs)

Been through the lies, manipulating, debt, sick days at work, aggression etc. All our fault of course!

My son reached out last year, went to doc, started daily AA and CA meetings (online now), git a sponsor, met others he could relate to, recovering addicts…so much support.

Hes currently 6 weeks clean, it’s so hard for them, but easier to support them when they trying to stop. Don’t get me wrong, he’s had some relapses over the year, but they have to be strong. Give up their drinking and drug buddies, delete the scumbag dealers numbers. My son said that alcohol triggers the need for cocaine, so abstinence is the only answer.

It really does begin and end with them, they have to make the choice to get clean, otherwise you’re wasting your time.

It’s hard to put them out of house, but needs must sometime, for your own sanity. Take time fir yourselves, these are his choices not yours, no more cash,.

I just bought groceries and cigs when necessary. You could go on forever paying their debts otherwise.

Try not to worry, things can change for the better, but your son has to make that choice.

Sending you virtual hugs

Always here to chat

Lx

[sarahg]

Hi Lindy

Thank you so much for your comforting reply, how on earth have you coped for 10 years, my heart goes out to you but so glad your son is on the long road to recovery it’s good to hear a positive story, it gives me hope. My son has said the same thing a few drinks then he gets the craving for the cocaine and like you say the scumbag dealers give it to him on tic and he ends up owing them hundreds of pounds. Hope you don’t my me asking but does your son live with you? I don’t know if it’s better having him at home where we can keep on eye him and I know he has a food and a roof over his head or let him stay with friends where I hope he will reach rock bottom and realises he needs help and come home it’s hard to know what to do for the best, either way you still worry and it’s down to him to admit he has a problem and needs help.

Sarah x

[lindyloo]

Yes, it’s not been easy, we knew he probably drank too much, didn’t realise he would do cocaine too. But all the tell tale sign were there, never any cash, loans due to everyone, room like a tip, unkempt looking, gambling. Sleeping a lot, missing work etc.

He got a lump sum 3 years ago and we suggested he used it as deposit to buy a flat.

He knew he had to pay bills or he’d lose it. He’s had some rough times, but he muddled through it, then it came to a head, big drug debts, he was desperate. So hard to see them like that. We told him this was the very last time, no more. He was finally being honest with us, reached out.

He still struggling, but staying strong, the AA fellowship are great, he’s working through the 12 step program (again) got good support from the guys.

We see him daily, I told him I need this, I need to know he’s okay and coping. So, so hard for them, your son is younger, maybe time to nip it in the bud. I really hope so for all your sake.

Lx

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