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My son is 39 and has been using since his was 19, although we didnt know for a number of years at the beginning. He would borrow money and repay it but then it became a rolling debt until he stopped paying back, thats when we found out it was drug debts as they give it on tick and let it mount up. When we said we wouldnt pay it he would say they are going to hurt him or us, so we paid up. When he was in his late 20s he got in a bad way health wise, so we sent him to stay with family abroad and he seemed to get on his feet again, he has got a good trade. He persuaded his ex partner to join him.
The day I was dreading came after 5 years she wanted to return home and he didnt want to but he came back, they had a small child and after a while he went back to the way he was. The had another child a few years later. The drug use got worse and the debts got bigger. His partner didnt want him there any more. I dont blame her, his mood swings, the way he behaved was awful.
He met and moved in with a new partner but carried on using and building up debts, we always ended up paying them. She finally kicked him out after 3 years.
He was diagnosed with adult ADHD about 3 years ago, he says the cocaine helps him calms him. I often wonder if the ADHD has anything to do with him taking the drugs, we always knew there was something when he was younger but as the mental health said to him it wasnt known when he was young. They gave him medication but it didnt work. I remember him telling them that it was my fault, everything is always my fault. I am so envious of my family and friends the love and care they receive from their sons and daughters. I have sometimes shared what goes on but they dont really understand what we are going through, I really feel I have no one at all to talk to, even my husband wont discuss it.
A couple of years ago the expartner left the children for another bloke and we took them in, we are both in our late 60s and recently my son was kicked out and moved back home. Its been a nightmare, he makes it so difficult, demanding money for hours on end until he wears you down, trying not to row in front of the children is impossible at times. I refused to give him any more money but my husband gave him the money. He refuses to work, pays nothing in. There are times I could just walk out and never come back, the grandchildren are the ones keeping me here.
It sounds like I dont love my son but I do, but I dont like him as he is. I dont know what I can do to get him to stop, especially for the sake of his children.
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Hi Scairy, welcome to the forum, everyone here has a loved one with addictions and we all help and support each other.
I’m sorry to read your story I am also mum to a son with alcohol and cocaine addictions. I know what these addictions can do to a family, I can totally sympathise with you.
I wish I had all the answers, but until they admit they have a problem and want help , there’s very little we as parents can do.
The Icarus trust posts here and the forum has support on the homepage..
It’s so hurtful when your child turns into this unrecognisable person who treats you badly and bleeds you dry. My husband and I often say that too, love him but don’t like him/behaviour. Your lad is still there, it’s just this evil addiction that is consuming him.
During lockdown I did a free course on understanding ADHD, there is definitely a link between it and substance abuse.
I remember someone here said to watch the medication, make sure it’s the right one for him. Otherwise you just replace one addiction for another.
I usually post on the Theresa thread, several mums posting about our sons. Everyone is so supportive and kind.
No need to feel alone in this nightmare of addiction.
Take care,
Lx
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Hi Scairy, try not to give up hope. There are many success stories here too.
My son joined AA and CA meetings and did them regularly, much better in person than online he says. He managed to stay clean almost 6 months, he managed 3 months before that. The fellowship are great, so supportive and helpful he has met many contacts through it.
It does help speaking to others here in similar situations, you don’t feel so alone. Many times you can’t speak to family or friends for fear of being judged.
In the meantime look after yourself, whatever makes you relax or happy.
Take care and keep posting here to chat.
Lx
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