I’m so sorry to read your post. I know how difficult this must be for you and it sounds like you could do with some help for yourself. I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust that provides support for the family and friends of those with addictive behaviours. If you feel it would help please contact us and you could talk with one of our experienced trained people who we call ‘family Friends’. Talking with one of them might help you to see the way ahead.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck. I hope this helps.