[cali111]

I am in a constant battle of trying to figure out how my life got here. My husband and I were (so I thought) happily together for 3 and a half years. We would always tell each other how lucky we were and planned an entire future together. We had many goals and dreams of moving to Hawaii and starting a family.

This year he started a new “job”. There were red flags right away as his new “boss” was keeping him out partying until 5,6,7 in the morning. He said he needed to impress the boss and they were “networking”. These nights would randomly happen from time I time over a few months. The problem is he had not been paid over the course of the entire time. It was a sales position but there were no sales made and we hadn’t received any money for 6 months (my husband was at the office working 7 days a week for 12 hours a day trying to get this business going).

I tried my best to be supportive but this was so frustrating. Fast forward to March and my husband was still doing super sweet things for me like hanging up pictures of us around the house and telling me how much he loved me. A few weeks later in April he didn’t come home for a 3 day period. His phone was off and he was angry with me all of a sudden. He blamed our sex life and said he didn’t know if he could do this anymore. A couple more weeks of him randomly coming home or not and really unusual behaviors like major mood swings, anger at me, random bursts of energy, sadness. And I found a text on our computer that said “the next time you do coke im punching you in the face” from one of his friends. It all made sense. I got him to admit he’s been using for 5 months although the said “only a couple times” which I think is a complete lie as I’m 99% sure he was on it when I found out. I’ve caught him in many lies since. I did not see this coming. Since then he’s said he cannot commit to coming home anymore. He’s said he “doesn’t see this working out” and it was “gradual” and “I don’t think it’s gunna happen” for our marriage

To me the problems only began when he started using the drug. I’m having such a hard time trying to understand if this is him speaking this or it’s because he knows he can’t live this drug life with me. He’s pushed me away completely and I’m the only one here that loves him that sees the problem. The real him would never act this way or say these things. He says “we’ve never had chemistry” which is such a lie and so hurtful. He worshiped me before. Loved me so much before all this happened. Not to mention our entire savings account has been drained in the process and he has no answer to where the money went. I’m at a loss.

I understand that this all happened but when I speak to him on the phone he sounds normal so I have a hard time figuring out if this is the real him or not.

Thank you to anyone who reads this and can relate in any way. It’s been a long few months so sorry about the length. Sending love to everyone on here.

[debc]

Hi Cali111,

Welcome to the Forum.

You will feel better for just sharing your story and getting it off your chest.

Obviously your Husband is an Addict, I don’t know whether he has admitted this to you, but all the signs are there, the money, the lies, not coming home.

I am the Mum of an addict (alcohol and cocaine), the alcohol triggers the need for cocaine, and of course this is where the money goes, it’s a very expensive hobby.

He will only get help when he wants too, and if he wants too. It’s an evil drug and changes them into,people we don’t recognise, but it is also a living hell, which i wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Have you got close friends or family you can talk too?

I know it might sound harsh but knowing what I know now, I would run for the hills and concentrate on yourself, hopefully there is no children involved.

Look after yourself first and keep in touch on the Forum, read the other threads, there are some very sad stories.

Take care.

Dx

[cali111]

Thank you for replying. He is so sly in telling me he is not using. Any time I have brought it up he has gotten very defensive and been very quick to say no and make me feel crazy for asking. But I already know he had been, why would it have stopped now that he’s not at home?

There are no children involved. But I am completely grieving the loss of my husband. He calls and tries to act like everything is normal.. always asking are you okay? Like obviously I’m not. Still says he’s going to pay all his share of bills etc which he has so far (1 month).

Im just having such a hard time moving forward without the answers I desire. I feel so left in the dark like how could someone end a marriage with “I just don’t see it happening” when a few months ago I couldn’t even dream of this.

I wake up every day having to realize this is reality. I am going to my doctor today as my stress and anxiety and crying has been out of control. I have lost 20 pounds in a couple of months. He hasn’t commented at all when it’s quite noticeable.

I think he is lying about where he is staying when he says it’s between a couple friends couches. I think he’s with the women I found messages with. If I could just know it would help me move forward.

He seems worried about me but still so selfish, hasn’t taken ANY accountability for his actions or apologized ONCE.

I just go in circles of is this drugs, another woman, or has he just changed. Probably all.

Thanks to anyone who has any advice. Much love.

[debc]

Hi Calli111,

Hope you got on well at the Doctors, and they have given you something to ease the stress etc.

It’s very frustrating when you can’t get the answers you rightfully deserve. Is there a family member you can confide in or a good friend? I’d be lost without my friends to talk to.

The Icarus Trust is another place which you could contact for help, they sometimes post on the Forum too.

Keep in touch on here and take care.

Dx

[cali111]

Yes I have family and friends to confide in thankfully. When this all started I had no idea it was anything to do with drugs so was just so completely confused. Unfortunately my family and best friends are in another country as I immigrated to the USA to marry my husband so can still be very lonely. Thanks again for the reply.

[Author]

Posts