[nitty]

How could I be so stupid I took him back after a massive row over what he does and how it makes me feel cause he promised to stop, 8 days later he is back on it, back to his horrible self paranoid about everything making me feel shitty and down I hate myself for believing him I feel sick why did I do this

[sk]

Because you probably love him and thats the shitty bit. What drug is it he takes not that its relevant. The heart it a tough one to conquer and unfortunately it makes it worse when the person you love is an addict. I know its hard but try not to let him get to you addicts
are manipulative and will call you every name under sun to get what they want they grind you down. Be strong I wish you the best. X

[icarus-trust]

Hi
It sounds like you could do with having someone to talk to about how low you are feeling. If you contact The Icarus Trust we could put you in touch with one of our trained volunteers called ‘Family Friends’. By talking to one of them you might be able to work out what you want to do next.
Please contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
It is a free service so I hope you will give it a try and that it will be helpful.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Ktaka,
Thanks for sharing your story.
it must be so hard for you to deal with your boyfriends addiction without having understanding from your family.
The Icarus Trust is a charity that provides support for the family and friends of addicts. People like yourself.
If you get in touch you could talk to one of our experienced trained volunteers. They would understand what you are going through and talking to one of them might help you to find a way forward.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck. I hope that you can get some support for yourself.

[nitty]

He is a cocaine and alcohol addict he is only 32 makes me sick he is so manipulative I have to deal with him being paranoid nasty slip personality, he has made me lose myself as a person I hate him for what he has done and more so myself for letting him

[icarus-trust]

Hi,
You don’t sound at all selfish to me but trying your best to support everyone around you in really difficult circumstances. It sounds to me like you could do with having someone to talk to so that you can off load some of how you are feeling. The Icarus Trust is a charity which tries to support people like yourself who are having to deal with the impact of addiction. If you contact us we could put you in touch with one of our ‘Family Friends’. These are experienced, trained volunteers who will understand what you are going through and might help you to feel less lonely and scared. They could also tell you what other help is out there for your husband.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I do hope that you find some support for yourself that really helps you to deal with everything. Good luck.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Alice,
Thank you so much for sharing your story and giving some hope to other parents who are in the same position as you were . I am so pleased to read how your son is now clean. What a fantastic support you have been to him but how hard it must have been for you.
You are right talking and sharing with others does help.
Thank you!

[sk]

Thing with addicts is they grind you down slowly so before you know it you have lost yourself in their addition. If you hate him can you not just leave him what is it thats holding you back from leaving? Are you scared to be alone or is it because you have dedicated so many years to him? Just curious what makes you take him back each time. Xx

[icarus-trust]

Hi,
There are people who could help you cope with what is a very difficult situation. The Icarus Trust is a charity which supports families and friends who are having to deal with a loved one’s addiction. Talking with one of our trained volunteers called ‘Family Friends’ may help you to make sense of how you are feeling and help you find a way ahead. They would also signpost you to what other help is available.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
This is a free service so hope that if you make contact you find it helpful and supportive. Good luck!

[goffo1]

hello, im a son(just turned 15 in november14) of an alcoholic who has currently moved out since august. my xmas eve night and new years eve were the worst nights of my life in 2013. your story is identical to mine, my dad aswell as your husband denyed being one. its the hardest thing to deal with. since he has moved out my mum has became more of herself but myself, i am in tears almost every night. only being able to see my dad every few months is the hardest thing. i can never been happy since although every day i try my best to put on a brave face. please get back to me asap as im interested in helping you, good luck with everything

[icarus-trust]

Hi,
If you feel it would be good to talk with someone who might understand please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people who are having to deal with addictive behaviours of family members or friends. What you are coping with is hard so it may help you to talk and get some support for yourself which one of our experienced trained volunteers may be able to do.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck.

[zac1976]

Thank you Icarus Trust I will contact you. Kind regards

[shell66]

To
“goffo 1”.
I am so sorry your missing your dad, and i know it must be very hard for you too, but my husband makes us all sad. Only happy when he’s drinking, complaining about everything, calls my children names, i say children they are 19 and 23 now and have had enough too. Ive had furniture thrown across rooms, fighting, but its the everyday life that i just cant cope with anymore. I come home to sit in a kitchen, dont get me wrong its a lovely kitchen,but he sits in the living room by himself watching tv an drinking. So selfish its untrue, no matter how ill i am he still never helps. I had an operation last year and the day i came out of hospital he attempted to cook my tea, out of his face!!! My daughter took over. I am sick of living on egg shells always trying to keep things calm, he will never change. I just want him to leave but he has no where to go. His own blood family dont want to know him. Hoping your ok

[icarus_trust]

Oh this sounds horrific! For a situation like this, you may need support of another form? I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust. We provide support and help you find help in your area to fit your individual situation. (There is no charge, we want to help you). You can register on the website at http://www.icarustrust.co.uk/contact/ or email us at help@icarustrust.org.

We wish you the best of luck, and hope you find the help you need.

[nitty]

It’s a bit of both I’m scared to be alone and scared of him, I took him back cause he was so convincing and I’m such a kind caring person I just believed him I see the good in people it always gets me into trouble, I do feel lost I don’t drink smoke gamble or take drugs but I live this nightmare day in day out

[nitty]

Thank u I will check the sight out xx

[sk]

Nitty its time for action you cannot live like that its not a relationship if you are scared of him or what hes going to do probably being alone will be better then living in fear all the time I would never encourage anyone to end their relationship only you can decide that but you need to think about yourself and start living without being scared. Good luck x

[icarus-trust]

I really feel for you, it must be terrible for you to be in the position you are now after all you have dealt with over the years. If you feel it would be any help to talk to people who have had lots of experience of what you are going through you could contact The Icarus Trust.
We are a charity which supports the families and friends of addicts. Sadly there are lots of people like yourself who are suffering from the impact of another’s addiction.
We have trained volunteers called ‘Family Friends’ who you could talk to. You might it helpful to talk through what you have experienced and how you are feeling with someone who would understand what you have been through.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that you can find some support for yourself.

[tired-and-weary]

thank you so much for your kind words I will indeed seek further help x

[icarus-trust]

That’s good to hear. Good luck!

[fifi65]

This is no betrayal to your daughter, the only one who has been betrayed is you !! I feel your pain in every word, you have give it your all, there’s no pain like it, its a living hell to watch your child become a deceitful lying addict, its good to vent it out on here, no one can judge you, were all in the same boat..Be kind to yourself, I have Hated my son at times, and there’s things i will never forget.. Forgive well thats a different story : ( I hope somehow you find a little piece, and your daughter finds the strength to kick her addiction once and for all xxx

[doris1]

I’m the only surviving child out of 3. My brother lost his life in February after a lifetime battle with alcohol. It has been horrendous. After years of watching my brother destroy himself and taking us all with him to that dark dark place this is how it ends. Seeing my parents so utterly broken and having a very young family of my own is crippling me. I know the loneliness it brings. It’s a terrible disease that wrecks not just the addict but an entire family and affects generations for years to come. More needs to be done to educate people about the dangers of alcohol and the government need to make changes in how to treat alcoholics and provide better support.

[administrator]

Hi Vickie D and Doris1

Thank you both for sharing your stories on our blog, we are very sorry to hear of your loss.

We have made a website for people that have been bereaved through alcohol and drugs that provides information, advice and guidance:
https://www.beadproject.org.uk/

It also includes a personal testimonies page: https://www.beadproject.org.uk/your-stories

If you were interested in sharing your story on this page, please get in touch with us at admin@adfam.org.uk

Best wishes,
Adfam

[icarus-trust]

Thank you both for sharing your very moving stories. If either of you or any of your families think it would help please contact The Icarus trust. We are a charity that supports the family and friends of addicts.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the very best you you both and your families.

[fifi65]

* Peace !! xx

[springtime]

Hi I feel like I am reading about myself here only I am at the beginning of this horrendous journey. My beautiful daughter has turned into a manipulative, selfish person who I no longer recognise due to the last 5 years of drug and alcohol abuse. The last 10 months her family and lots of support workers have tried to help her get her first born daughter (our granddaughter) back home with her but she has relapsed fully losing everything around her and now living with the latest drug addict boyfriend. I need to move on with my life now as it’s taken a toll on my health, marriage and relationships with my 2 other children. But the guilt is hard to deal with and the realisation that only my daughter can change. ..I can’t do it for her. Thank you for sharing your experience. ..even if for the fact I don’t feel as if I am the only parent in the world going through this.

[tired-and-weary]

springtime, I know how you feel about the guilt, have spent years with that hanging around my neck, but over the last 6 weeks I have actually managed to kick guilt away. My daughter is having psychotherapy, she is also on a power to chose course through social services, to help her identify abusive and controlling behaviour and I have noticed a difference in her, she is being tested every week to see if she is clean, so far so good, but early days. Learning to put yourself first is the hardest lesson of all. My heart bleeds for you not having your grandchild around, but she will realise when she is older that things were not of your making. You are definitely not the only one going through this, please let the guilt go away, you have done nothing wrong, your daughter is totally responsible for her choices. xxx

[Author]

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