We love him but can’t do this anymore.

Blossom22

2 replies

We love him but can’t do this anymore.

I’ve only just found this site and really need to talk to someone. After having two daughters, our ‘surprise’ baby boy was the apple of my husband’s eye. He could do no wrong. Looking back through photos of this gorgeous, cheeky monkey child and then the fashion loving, perfect hair, perfect teeth, lovely smelling teenager, it seems unreal to see how he is now.

We moved house when he was about 14.  Not far away so he still attended the same school (if I drove him there) but he gradually mixed with other local kids. He didn’t want to get up in the morning for school (which made me late nearly every day because I took him on my way to work) My husband and I went away for a weekend and our middle daughter found he had weed when he stayed with her. She immediately reported it to his school to make sure there weren’t dealers outside. He gradually started to disappear in the evenings and my husband used to drive around at night looking for him (before mobile phones) Then money started to disappear….. Everyone used cash back then. We never thought we had to lock anything away.  We had a large amount of cash in the kitchen cupboard and realised there was a lot missing.  I then started to find lots of soft drink cans, squashed flat with pin pricks in them hidden all over the garden. It turns out he was into crack. We went to help centres with him and tried so many things over the years.  I still have no idea of how drugs are taken. He has been on subutex, methadone, smoking/injecting heroin…..I don’t understand anymore.

It’s come to a point now….we can’t cope anymore. Our son is now 39. We have had this problem forever. We are now pensioners.  We had a cabin built at the end of the garden. We don’t smoke. We had electric put there but he needed to empty the portable loo. He has never maintained the cabin, just complained, He pisses into drink bottles. He has drawers full of needles.

We employ him as he sort of functions. We house him, clothe him, feed him, provide a vehicle, job, phone, fuel etc etc

My husband always says we can replace stuff but we cannot replace our son but he is heavily eating into my life savings now. He has stolen so many things and scammed money out of us so many times over the years.

Yesterday, I said enough is enough and have locked the house.

I need help

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Truly_Tired
    Participant

    Gosh! I can relate to your story. My eldest son, 36, is a heroin/crack addict and is homeless in London. He has made several attempts to get off the drugs and alcohol but after 100+ days he relapses. I have been like you trying my utmost to help him and feel helpless, tired, sad and at a loss.  My younger son is a gambling addict and he continues to risk so much for his addiction – family, job and friends. Reading the posts on this site helps me to understand just how hard it is to break an addiction. Their brains change so unlike us they cannot make rational decisions or if they do they can’t stick with them. I don’t think any addicts really fully recover although some are able to manage their habits better or replace them with healthier habits. I wish I could offer you something that has worked but so far I haven’t found anything. The lies and feeling betrayed is very painful but like me you are a mother and a mother’s love sees no boundary and means it’s so hard to let go. I will always have hope and maybe one day I will be able to look back on this. Xx

  • Truly_Tired
    Participant

    I hope you have sourced some help and I understand that you’ve had enough. I am seeing a counsellor now, who allows me to vent. I don’t know if it helps or not but it’s time for me. Please try to get someone to talk to as our burdens are much heavier than we realise and we deserve our lives however much we love our children. X

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