[kplam]

This might be hard to hear, but it sounds like you need to end your relationship with him. You have given him so many chances. He obviously has underlying issues that are not being addressed, and he obviously isn’t able to sort it out. You and your kids will keep suffering, If he’s anything like a good parent, he will continue to maintain a relationship with your children, but you should not be suffering in order to play happy families for the sake of your children. You deserve to be happy, I’m sure this isn’t what you signed up for!

[jmann]

Thankyou so much for your reply. I just can’t do that to my children..they absolutely adore him. I was so adamant this time that he was going…but then he cried – and yes I know probably sounds like manipulation and perhaps it is but he literaly NEVER cries.

I just don’t know. I feel so utterly lost…????

[jmann]

And also he keeps saying to me that if I brought more money into the family (I don’t work due to bad depression and anxiety) that we wouldn’t have to just rely on his money.

So basicly he means when things like this happen we don’t need to worry??

I know I have to start bringing more money in and that’s something I’m trying to work through but is his reasoning correct or is he just projecting the situation onto me??

[jmann]

Thankyou so much for your reply. I just can’t do that to my children..they absolutely adore him. I was so adamant this time that he was going…but then he cried – and yes I know probably sounds like manipulation and perhaps it is but he literaly NEVER cries.

I just don’t know. I feel so utterly lost…????

[jmann]

And also he keeps saying to me that if I brought more money into the family (I don’t work due to bad depression and anxiety) that we wouldn’t have to just rely on his money.

So basicly he means when things like this happen we don’t need to worry??

I know I have to start bringing more money in and that’s something I’m trying to work through but is his reasoning correct or is he just projecting the situation onto me??

[kplam]

Sorry, but they are separate issues in my opinion.

A higher household income doesn’t equate to being ‘allowed’ to do things that are risky and stupid. He’s the sole provider, financially, but that doesn’t make it OK to keep doing these things and hurting you. If he thinks you need to do more to contribute, fine. That’s a separate issue though. He’s effectively blaming you for his behaviour. I wonder if he’s considered whether your mental state might be improved by not having to constantly worry about/ deal with his problems in addition to raising your children? He sounds incredibly selfish, which is what addiction does to people. That doesn’t make it OK though.

In my opinion he’s manipulating you. With the anxiety and depression issues you cite, I can imagine it is very hard to see a way out. However, you do not have to stay with someone who keeps doing these things. Also, children are often far more astute that we give them credit for. They will pick up on things, regardless of how hard you are working to make it look like everything is fine.

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