[struggling1986]

Hi all, first post here as I’m feeling completely isolated and unsure where to turn. Excuse the long ramble.

I met my current partner just before Xmas, I have a history of dating men that need “fixing” I personally think I have co-dependancy issues, but that’s another story.

He was loud and in your face, cocky to the point of arrogant. He has had a really rough childhood and seen and experienced things I wouldn’t wish on anyone(often used as an excuse). Three days after we met he got kicked out of his house share and we sort of fell into the trap of living together ????

It all started off well as it always does, then he lost his job, decided to go self employed. The arguments started, I knew he had an addictive personality, I knew he had a history of cocaine use (he told me he was off it and hadn’t used for months – later found out he was on it the day we met, I just disnt know the signs ) the drinking started pretty soon after, he would skip days at work, drink every night. He was basically living off me and we would argue constantly over money especially when I found out he was gambling as well as the alcohol. He would say I was a nag and to be honest I probably was, but I had a mortgage to pay and 3 children to support.

So one day I returned from work and he was already well into a bottle of vodka, I just went upstairs as I didn’t want to deal with him. He followed me up and we spoke, I told him we were over and his lifestyle wasn’t what I wanted to be around. I haven’t ever done drugs and rarely drink. He accepted we had broken up and went back downstairs. He came back up about an hour later and physically attacked me, it was 10 minutes of a brutal beating. I managed to phone the police after a minute in so they had a recording of the whole attack and arrived on the scene to arrest him.

Fast forward 3 weeks where he breaks his bail conditions and contacts me…… he explains he took gear that night (says it was dodgy) and that’s the only reason he acted that way. He loves me and would never of hurt me if he hadn’t been on the drugs.

Over the next month he wears me down with promise after promise on how he has changed, how he is in control of all his addictions and is now clean. I decide to let him have one more chance (yes I’m crazy)

He is like a new man, the best version of himself that I always wanted.i still have my fears and doubts but it’s actually working. Until 2 weeks ago when he cracks and has 4 beers, he was stressed and needed a drink ???? the next night another 2 beers and asks if he can smoke weed as it will relax him. I agree to the occasional joint as long as he stops drinking. 3 days later he txts me at 10am to say he didn’t go to work and he has drank a bottle of gin as wanted to get wrecked.

He has made excuses of slipping, he has started not going to work he is smoking weed every day and snapping at me. We argue constantly. I try to explain that I took him back based on his promises and he is wasting his chance but nothing seems to go in and he always turns it back onto me.

I’m away for the week with the kids and he is still arguing with me over the phone.

I have never felt so alone or lost, is it time to give in and end things. He says he wants to be better and that things will change but all I see is broken promises and lies. I think I know the outcome, just wish I was stronger.

[delia]

Hi

I brought up my 2 children alone for most of their lives and also had my fair share of loosers

As a single parent you need a partner who brings positive things to you and your children’s lives. Someone who is able to support you and help provide for you not the other way round.

I reached a point when I decided I was better off on my own as all the good men have been taken up. When surprise surprise I met the man of dreams. He is an amazing provider, he’s great with my kids. Don’t get me wrong he does have some minor faults LOL but nothing that is too difficult to tolerate.

Please don’t give up you deserve to be loved and happy but you really must get out of this harmful relationship.

I’m so glad you mentioned that you attract men who need fixing I can really relate to that.

Sit down and right a list of qualities you need in a man and don’t settle for anything less.

Never rush in to anything, if they are worth it they will wait till you are sure it’s right.

Wishing you tones of luck for finding Mr Right

[struggling1986]

Thank you for replying.

Everyone always says Mr Right will turn up when you least expect it, just seems like that isnt going to be the case for me.

I hate being single, love being in a relationship. But I think you are right that I need to take some time just for me. I don’t think I value myself enough which is why I end up with and make excuses for others that treat me badly.

[delia]

Most of my adult life i have had issues with feeding like I will never find anyone decent.

Just like you I never gave myself credit for being a hard working good Mum until the point of giving up when I decided not to ever let anyone hurt me again and the change in my outlook just seemed to attract a decent guy who really appreciates all my good qualities.

I really hope the same happens for you.

I will look forward to hearing when your luck changes

Take lots of care

[Author]

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