[the-bard]

Hey, I can totally empathise with you as my wife of 20 years is an alcoholic in denial. She drinks around 4 bottles of wine a day, every day and refuses to get help. I think she started drinking after our first child was born to steady her nerves as she suffers from anxiety ,but the drinking just makes it worse and she refuses to acknowledge that they are linked. She starts drinking most mornings on the sly thinking I don’t know but I do. I love my wife but living with her is like being on a horrible emotional roller coaster that I cannot get off and I have found my own mental health suffering as a result as I don’t know what version she is going to be each day either super drunk, drunk or functioning drunk. As we have kids together i know i need to keep myself strong to give them some normality in there lives.

Sadly you cannot change her behaviour, or stop her drinking I know and have tried and it doesn’t work period. She is an addict and unless she wants to get help there is nothing you can do about it. Sadly sometimes only a crisis will make this change happen but by then if its health related it may be too late.

The only real change you can make is to look after your own health and wellbeing and of your children. Posting on here is a first step in doing that as you realise you are not alone. Focus on doing something each day for yourself and children whether it be exercise or a hobby (I’ve taken up exercise and found it helps). Also try talking to someone or family member. Its funny in that you don’t want to talk as you feel a sense of shame about the situation which is not if your making however i talked to my brother and sister who had already guessed from my wife’s behaviour and i found it helped a small bit.

The hard task is try not focus your thinking about her drinking, hard to do I know but it becomes your obsession and you will feel anger and resentment if you do

I won’t sugar coat it as this is a very tough road we are on, so don’t beat yourself up if things get on top of you. Just take each day as it comes, set time aside and focus on you.

[cardiffbluebird]

Thanks for the reply, reading some of the stories on here gives some comfort that it doesn’t seem to be that unusual. Although she doesn’t drink the volume that it sounds like your wife does, the toxic mix of that with her anxiety tablets gives that effect.

Thanks for the advice and you’re right, I think i’m too focused on her drinking and it’s definitely making me resent her. I’m going to focus the next week on spending some good time with my kids and involve her if she’s sober and if she drinks then leave her to it. You forget to have time for yourself in this situation and to find a way to relax.

[Author]

Posts