[lamouette]

When I met my other half a year ago, he was working cheerful, loving and happy. I knew he took a little coke but seemed ok (so naive!). He worked and a couple of times a week has a 4 pack of beer.

Fast forward to now and he’s not worked for 6 months, is living at my home, has taken to telling me he’s stopped with the coke and then phones when he’s out to say he owes people £200 and can I pay it. The other day I found him sobbing in the night having drunk an entire bottle of sherry I used once for cooking. It’s all got so out of hand. I know I should ask him to leave. I feel so guilty as I know he dosn’t get on with his family (should have rung my alarm bells) and it may make him homeless. I keep covering costs and I have to stop or it will drag my really good finances down. I was in a really good place but am starting to have credit debt now as I go over my budget to get things for him. I don’t know how to help him. He’s getting worse. He’s in a dark head space and can’t shift it. He’s not the person I met and I want that back or for him to go.

Anyone else had this and found the strength to sort it? I know I will – I just have to do it before it’s too late for me and everything I’ve worked hard for. Thanks in advance.

[marie456]

I just wanted to say I understand and am in the same type of situation. I have no idea what to do either but I guess at some point we will need to save ourselves instead of trying to save them. My partners family have cut all ties (I think on purpose) so im left to deal with him, he talks about rehab but theres so many lies that who knows what the truth is. I hate what my life has become and the embarrassment he brings into my life. I grew up in the same type of situation and feel like I’ve followed the path I never wanted to be on. I just hope you get the strength to make a decision.

[eml1820]

Hello,

I’ve been in a similar situation around a year ago….my life crumbled in the blink of an eye. I got to the point where I simply couldn’t cope anymore after weeks & weeks of ‘managing’ through life. I stressed that if he didn’t get the help he needed then I would be leaving him. Luckily he got the help he needed and we are still meeting up.

It’s a horrible position that you’re in as you love & hate the person at the same time. Try sitting him down & see if he actually wants help, there may be local programmes he can join. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but honestly it does get easier. I felt so alone at the time but always remember you aren’t & there’s always support.

Here if you need to talk, take care! X

[strawb]

The exact same thing is happening to me! I am so confused and I don’t know what to do I have put up with my partners cocaine addition for years convincing myself it’s going to get better and when he tells me ‘I’m going to change this time for good ‘ I true to convince myself that he’s going to change and he never does. I’m at the point I can’t put up with the lies anymore I don’t trust him and he’s ruined our relationship. Iv bailed him out of drug debts taken him to group sessions but nothing works! I find empty drug bags during the week when he hasn’t even been drinking I’m constantly worried about it.

[hw12]

I am also in a very similar situation. Met my partner 2 years ago, i knew he had done cocaine in the past but i thought it was in the past. We got engaged and he moved into my home.

18 months later i felt so stupid to find out he had been addicted to cocaine all along and owed £4000 to drug debt. So much sneaking about, lies, paranoia, mood swings, how he thought and spoke at that time was like a different person. A vile person. At the same time he was suffering with depression, i supported him through the lowest and darkest times. Little did i realise because I thought i was strong and just wanted to help him, he has dragged me down with him. He finally got help and isnt using but hes doesn’t help financially so basically lives supoorted by me despite working full time because of money he owes, and im now just full of anger and resentment towards him for ruining what we had.

[lostgirl12]

I would get him into a rehab, most are free and he can get the help he needs. This will also allow you to move on with your life. As the rehab can help him with transitioning housing.

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