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Hi, I’ve had to come back on here as my son has been hitting it hard again! We know what you’re going through my husband calls our sons eyes the devil eyes! We know all the signs, his highs, lows, verbal abuse and his sleeping it off on a come down. Ours is nearly 35, back home with us after his cocaine abuse and gambling cost him his marriage. We’ve given up thousands of pounds and I mean thousands! He told me the other day that he’s used regularly for about 10 years and done things that would upset me. Our life has been hell for nearly 4 years since his wife asked him to leave and we’re always on edge. He had a flat on his own for 18 months but then couldn’t pay his rent each month so gave it up and moved in with his girlfriend who subsequently kicked him out because he is was selfish and lazy, not getting up until the middle of the afternoon, definite sign of using! He’s about to drop another bombshell tomorrow which I suspect he owes more money. He’s been to support groups but I think he’s too pigheaded and thinks he doesn’t need them. Every parent of a coke addict has the same story and there’s nothing we can do. We have listened to the promises and lies so many times and have unfortunately enabled him to our cost. I want to ask him to leave so that he hits rock bottom but I don’t know that that will be the best suggestion really. He’s lost his wife house, flat and girlfriend but thats not made him stop and he had a massive seizure in September in front of his little boy. It was so strong he broke 2 vertabrae in his back and bit his tongue so hard it swelled up like a piece of steak. The conclusion from the consultant was he needed to change his lifestyle but has he….. No. He still sees his 4 year old but for how much longer?? I pray for you and your son, this has to be the hardest thing ever for a mother to see her son destroying himself. ???? x
I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this again Bump, the pressure put on families because of the behaviour caused by their addiction is unbelievable.
We went through it again last weekend because our son had spent his rent money. What he was calling us was absolutely disgusting because we refused to give him any money. It was like he was possessed with what was coming out of his mouth. It was so hurtful but it wasn’t him it was the cocaine talking. We were that close to disowning him, he took his keys back he went back to his flat but then the phone calls started and the texts and he finally managed to manipulate us again and as soon as we gave in it was like the devil left him. I don’t know how much more we can take of this. I’ve lost respect for him and what he’s done to us his parents is diabolical. He told me today he’s 10 days clean but I’m just waiting for the next time. We’re on edge every time we see him.
I really hope your son comes home soon Bump and I sincerely hope your relationship with your partner doesn’t end. You don’t deserve this none of us do. We are all respectable families holding on to the hope that they will beat this awful curse.
Stay strong everyone xx
Hi Bump I’m starting to feel the strain of it all atm so how you must be feeling with long covid must be hard. My son used again on Sunday just gone and Wednesday of last week and gambled in the bookies on Sunday. Soon it will be daily. He promises the world but its all BS and lies. We want him to go to rehab now but he won’t hear of it. One thing to come out of it last week though is that he was so remorseful he told his ex wife who was very supportive and said she knew he was carrying on from when they were married.
Thank you. I’m lucky enough to be still working so I have something to take my mind off of it but my husband is retired and finds it difficult to get out of the rut he’s in. Looking forward to seeing my daughter and baby grandson tomorrow. That always takes my mind off of this life we are living xxxx
That must have been lovely Jem take what you can from it and pray that one day this nightmare will be over xx
Kate, That’s why this group is so necessary for all of us going through this hell. You are so strong to keep coming on and I thank you for your comments and help to all of us. Xx
Februarymarie your son may well have had a seizure as you know mine did. Definitely cocaine induced although still not confirmed but the after effects lasted a long time. It certainly didn’t happen and business as usual he wasn’t with it for days.
Being all consumed rings so true in our house. It’s all we think about morning noon and night. All we are trying to do is fix it for them but deep down we know we can’t. We’ve suffered at the hands of their abuse, selfishness and extreme behaviour because we hope that one day it will end. My husband has lost so much weight through the stress and friends have started to say he looks ill. I know I’ve lost that sparkle and have dark circles that I shouldn’t have.
Your comment about disposable funds hits home so much. Our son asks for our help but he thinks our help is in the form of money, the “pot of cash” we’re sitting on. That pot of cash is dwindling and we worked our backsides off to make sure we’re secure in later life. Our kids never went without, had food in their belly love and a warm bed to sleep in all because we cared and put them first.
Each time I think we have to walk away. Say no, goodbye, its your bed but it’s so damn hard. My parents weren’t fussing after me when I was his age, checking I had food, checking I’d made that doctor’s appointment to get my repeat medication. Why oh why do we do it???
Sending you love and strength to keep going and get through this.
Hi February Marie the councillors are right we are prolonging their addiction my husband’s councillor said our son is very immature and acts like a toddler when he can’t get his own way. Very very true. Today he is all jolly and can’t understand why his dad is finding it hard to get over it. Let’s be honest if these weren’t our flesh and blood we wouldn’t even give them the time of day. Xx
Hey everyone I think you’re right it’s in the air, we’ve had the same. We’ve had the “I need £1000” I was adamant we weren’t going to give it to him. He’s been vile. You all know the score, remorseful, sad don’t want to be like this then he hits you with it. The suicide threats, you won’t help your son to help him beat it, horrible, vile accusations blaming us. Saying we’d rather sit on our money than help him.
His dad nearly put one on him last night but they ware you down so much you give in. It’s every month We’ve been paying his rent for the last 10 mths. If you remember he had a seizure and broke 2 vertebrae in his back but even that hasn’t stopped him. He’s on the sick till November. Last weekend we had a family 40th birthday there was something edgy about him which I get as he hadn’t socialised for over a Year then and I knew he was going to do something and he did it on the Sunday and so it seems for 3 days after that. Dad walks the dogs for him but he didn’t want him at his flat said he’s not welcome. Now he’s here as it’s weekend to have his son, I can’t look at him. Right now I hate him for what he’s doing to us but mores what he’s done to himself. He’s just a horrible lying drug addict who won’t get help from anywhere or move home so we don’t have to pay his rent. I want it all to stop . I want him to spend the night on a park bench. I want him to get better ???? Feeling everyone’s pain and sending much love xx
Hi Ivy thinking of you and your son at this very traumatic time. I hope he makes it through and you both have the strength to deal with the uncertain future. Sending lots of love xxx
Hi February I’m so sorry things don’t seem to be getting any better for you or your son. You are on that rollercoaster that never seems to stop to let us off. Thinking of you and your family, stay strong. Xx
Hey everyone like Jem not been on for a while but reading everyone’s posts I know we’re all in this together however much we feel alone. Everyone is at different stages of their son’s addiction but we can all resonate with each other as we go through our individual story. My heart goes out to each and everyone of you my Adfam family because you are like that friend we don’t see for ages but is always there in times of trouble.
My son has supposedly been clean for about 3 weeks now but last Saturday he had a massive seizure. We’re not sure if it is epilepsy (I started having seizures at about his age 33) or cocaine related. The sad thing is it was his weekend to have his son and he was blacked out for a good hour before alarm bells started ringing with his ex who was trying to get hold of him. My poor little grandson was sat as good as gold on the sofa watching scooby doo. We think he might have witnessed it as he said “daddy was dreaming in his pants” ????. After sorting the little one out and comforting him we had to call an ambulance as my son couldn’t move. He’d bitten down so hard on his tongue he couldn’t talk and it was so swollen. 12 hours later an ambulance arrived and he was given gas and air and morphine for the pain. They did a CT scan and were sure he’d had a seizure.
I’m not happy with the hospital though as they discharged him high on morphine without checking his back. Over the week he hasn’t been able to move hardly and we’re convinced he’s fractured his back which can happen if you have a grand mal so he’s going back to A&E to get an x-ray. I don’t know if this is the wake up call he needed we can only hope and pray it is.
Love and hugs to everyone ❤
Hi Georgie once again its blame and not responsibility. You are not forcing him to be the person he is or take the Ket. Yes there may be issues that he has to deal with but that’s NOT your fault. His addiction is purely down to him. We’ve never forced our son to do coke, he chose to do it and once it got a hold he it was everyonearound him, us, his ex wife his nan dying. When he took his first line was I there saying go on it will be great for you? No he was with a load of lads having fun at the rugby club! Your son wanted to fit in, you didn’t start this process and you are not the reason he is still doing it. He’s an addict and needs to admit it. Regards his therapist I’m not so sure this sounds legit and I’ve never heard of a legal document to confirm someone’s clean xxx
Kate I wish he could too. It’s an awful tragedy you and your family have gone through and I’m really very sorry. My son had a massive breakdown last Monday and actually rung his GP which he would never do before hence why he is on beta blockers now. I hope that they at least calm his anxiety and cravings before it is too late for us too. You’re always in my thoughts, Sending lots if love to you and your family. Xx
Thank you Kate, I think of your son often when I look at my boy and I’ve even told him about your son. xxx