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Hi Vickie I read your post on Theresa’s thread. You must have been heartbroken at losing your brother. It is the worst outcome anyone can expect. My son has a bad coke habit that has cost him thousands, his marriage and his home. He still manages to hold down a job and see his 3 year old son but it has been getting worse. The latest promise came on Sunday when he told us he’d used on Saturday and several times the previous week. He can’t afford it and began to look for things to sell as we refused to help him with cash anymore. He asked to stay at ours but I’m not sure if that was to stop him using again or because people were after him. We never knew he had a coke problem until 3 years ago when his pregnant wife was not getting any support. From the age of 18 or even earlier he drank like a fish, smoked and gambled heavily but it transpires this was as well as using coke. So at the age of 33 I’d like to think he’d get a light bulb moment, maybe he has and thats why he stayed at ours this week, who knows. What I do know is that we have been absolutely conned, verbally abused, disrespected and controlled for the last 3 years but no more. We’re done now so he’d better sort it out before he loses us too.
Hi nanny ger, you’re a very brave and strong woman. It must have broken your heart but you realised its the only way. Thank you for sharing and making me realise this will be the next step if he goes back on his word again. Xx
I’m so sorry LindyLoo. Again we get our hopes up and they’re dashed. Please stay strong. Thinking of you and praying a miracle happens. ????❤
Yes we have seriously had enough now. We knew he gambled and he drunk a lot from the age of 18 but only found out about the coke 3 years ago when his marriage broke down. He’s told us that the gambling, drinking and smoking masked the coke. He’s given up all of the latter for over a year now and is self excluded from a lot of bookies and online sites. So yes we’ve had more than enough now, that’s it. If he doesn’t make it work this time he could lose a lot more than his family xx
Thank you Jem. ????xx
We have been here many times before but I think this is the first time he’s realised we won’t be there the next time. When the house sold and he and his ex split the money 80% of his proceeds went on clearing debts snd paying people off. At 33 he has nothing. At 33 I was married with 2 kids owned a house and we both worked our wotsits off. He can’t even afford to take his son out for the day which upsets me. We went without to give our kids the best life. He has just become so selfish. But as I said I live in hope this might be a turning point. X
Thank you. I hope so this time. I pray for all our boys that one day they’ll see the light xx????
And there it is the devil’s response. Try not to give in even though it will be hard. I wonder one day if they will ever look back and reflect on what they have put us through. ???? x
So as you know we got away last Monday for some respite after finding out on Sunday he’d used again on the previous Thursday. It did us the world of good with virtually no contact except to speak to our grandson via facetime. We came home Saturday evening dreading what we were coming home too. On Sunday morning I had a call to say he was picking his son up, dropping him to me then going back to his flat to sleep. Immediately alarm bells rang and when he dropped his boy off I looked at him and he shook his head. At 4pm I rang him to tell him to get up, he said he’d be up at 5. He came in sat down burst into tears and said he needs help. He’d used the previous day and most of the days he didn’t have his son. He asked if he could stay with us for this week as he’s on holiday which we agreed to. He owed money to dealers, asked his landlord for an extension on his rent and was feeling pretty crap. After a long sensible chat he’s promised to get help again. He’s putting his car up for sale to raise some money, it’s too expensive to run anyway which we told him when he bought it! I took his necklace and bracelet and sold it for a pittance, he’s selling his mac book and a phone to raise money. We told him categorically we would not give him any money. His girlfriend has agreed to see him today to chat, she must be mad. I’m just hoping and praying once again that he sticks to his promise. He keeps saying he means it this time but we’ve been here so many times before. I told him that this is it now. No more. His dad’s anxiety is through the roof. If I can see he is seeking help I’ll be a bit more convinced. Anyway that’s how it is atm my friends. God gives us strength.
Hi Kate I’m so sorry you’re going through this. We do what we do because we love them but like so many have said tough love is sometimes the only answer. We sacrifice our own wellbeing in the fight to help them beat their addiction without a flicker of thanks or remorse on their part. You’d think how bad your son was it would make him wake up but it doesn’t. Every addict has a different threshold I guess and it’s not until that light bulb moment happens will they stop.
I am so grateful for this thread when times are tough, you’re not alone. Keep strong and even though it’s hard put yourself first once in awhile. Xx
My son has no friends anymore blaming them for not sticking by him when his marriage broke down. It was because of his intolerable behaviour using coke but he won’t accept that. The way he speaks is disgusting and a lot of dad’s would have put one on him by now but we chose to standby him. Sometimes tough love is the only way.
Hi Bump they can certainly make us feel like we’re the worst mum ever and you are not. The hate, abuse, vileness that comes out of their mouth is incredible. They don’t realise the hurt they inflict. But he is 3 mths clean and if he can keep it up hopefully the realisation of what he’s put you through will surface. X
Keeping everything crossed that it goes well with your son when you meet up. It does sound quite positive tbh but as you’ve said you suffered when he last relapsed so understandably you’re worried and you’ve come so far in your self healing x
He finished his degree, that’s brilliant in a bitter sweet way. I think blocking him is the only way and something I have contemplated but because of my grandson I’m torn. The sleeping does our head in! His ‘coke’ hangovers can last for days and have been worse during lockdown as he hasn’t had to go into work. X
Hey everyone sorry not responded this week, had to get my husband away before he lost the plot completely. After finding out last Sunday he’d used again despite the promises, he couldn’t deal with it.
Kate1 regarding the phone. My son refused to hand it over too or delete his contacts saying he might as well delete all his contacts