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Hi Kate we’ve done exactly the same. He owes us to the tune of a 6 figure sum. Our fault entirely for being so stupid to believe the promises and lies. Rent, MOT, grocery, prescriptions, credit cards, loans all with the promise he doesn’t want this life and will pay us back. We have had the odd repayment but that’s just to keep us sweet. We won’t see any of it so I’m contemplating reflecting this in our will. We get thanks when we hand over the money but there’s no remorse. We worry like mad and my husband has suffered so much with his mental health. He’s had counselling before but I’m trying to get him to have more. Hang on in there but like everyone else on here will tell you it’s thd hardest thing seeing your son become an addict and having to deal with it. Nobody knows until it happens to them. X
Februarymarie, exactly. We try to.leave them to get on and mess their lives up but the love overrides our determination to let them go. If he wasn’t the father of our beautiful first grandson then I think I could maybe disown him but I worry so much about this poor innocent soul having to grow up with a dad like him. Cocaine has made him so selfish that he can never indulge his boy. I’m in a dilemma now about telling his ex he is still using. I want him to suffer so he trys to get better but his son adores him and he adores his son and I’m frightened of breaking that bond. You are right though, it is slowly killing us as parents, my husband especially. I was always the strong one but not any more. We need to take drastic action before it’s too late. I’m so glad you had some precious time with your grandchildren, a welcome distraction for you. My daughter, son in law and 3 week old grandson came for dinner yesterday. It was lovely and sad all at the same time because of my son. Take care my friend ❤
Hi Mrs B how are we still standing here? Your boy is no different to mine. Your words are no different to mine. We’ve had the promises of Quitting and how he doesn’t want this life but what have I found out today? Yes he used last Thursday, didn’t go to his girlfriend for the bank holiday weekend but stayed in his flat alone coming down from a coke hangover. We didn’t bring our boys into this world so they could gradually kill themselves with drugs. We protected them from all the dangers when they were growing up only for them to choose a world which is alien to us. I really want to cut all ties and not have anything to do with him. If it was someone else I would so why can’t I tell him it’s over, or not be his cash cow anymore. How much more do we take, can we take? I am absolutely gutted, the way his life has turned out and the affect it has had on all of us. Its like a bad dream ???? I hope your son sticks to it this time Mrs B, I really do. ❤
Hi Mrs B my heart was breaking for you reading your post. I get exactly where you’re coming from the hurt is too much to bear sometimes. It’s the denial, the lack of gratitude for helping them all the time, making out It’s us that has the problem. And when you do help they don’t get why you’re so upset as they’re ok! I sincerely hope he means it this time and his new girlfriend has an influence over him to stop so you can get back to some sort of normality. I hope your meal goes well. Much love xx
Yes we are the lucky ones xxx
Thanks everyone for the congratulations. It really has been a real blessing.
Good luck with the second jab Lindyloo. I feel ok so far ???????? one after effect from covid is my hair has been falling out. I don’t think it’s stress as my friend who had covid has the same problem. Have you been OK?
Have a lovely time with your grandchildren Februarymarie. The perfect way to spend a weekend.
Glad your little dog is making a good recovery Jem. It’s so sad when they’re not well.
Wishing everyone well and a peaceful few days ❤❤❤
Hi Jem, dogs are just wonderful creatures. Love them to bits ????❤
Hi Bump22 well done to your son, you must be so proud. Your love and patience is being rewarded.
Get my second jab today thank goodness don’t want to go through covid again thank you very much!!
Our new grandson was a week old on Monday. Thank goodness for distractions as my son’s behaviour has consumed our life and finances too much in the last 3 years. Big love everyone ❤
Hi Asadmum please don’t blame yourself. My son now 33 did exactly the same as yours at 18 and younger. Sadly it’s the coming of age thing where they can go out, get pissed and tbh it’s what we expect. What we don’t expect is the other stuff that so commonly goes along with it and therein lies the problem. At that young age it’s a lot of bravado with their mates but then suddenly they are chasing it. The sad thing is kids younger than when your son started are doing it now. It is just too easy to get. As I said it is not your fault and you cannot do anything to stop him, he has to want to stop himself. No matter how many whatifs you beat yourself up with you couldn’t have stopped him. But the enabling has to stop now, no more money, no more handouts. Sadly we have fallen for the sob stories, promises and lies on too many occasions with him owing us thousands. I am very close to cutting all ties with him if he comes begging again. It’s hard but we are losing our lives because of this my husband is in tears constantly, a big burley bloke like him, its not right! We have to watch what we spend because we’re short of money because of paying his dealers. We have been exactly where you are now and still going through it but you are in no way responsible. We don’t have the answers even though most stories are the same but stay strong you are amongst friends here. Xx
Hi Nanny Ger I am so sorry that your story took you to prison visits. You did everything you could for your son. Your love enabled him and that is no different to any of us that have or are going through. We live in fear that we will have to cut all ties with our son one day. Please know that you have our utmost respect and love and fully support your decision. Incidentally, on Casualty this Saturday which I don’t normally watch a character cut all ties with her son after he got her involved in dealing prescription drugs. It’s such a heartbreaking thing to do but sometimes something has to give. X
Hi Debzie sorry to hear about your son. Reaching out to this forum will be a lifeline for you. It has helped me so much just knowing that there are others who will not judge and can resonate with your situation. My son is a gambling and cocaine addict. He is 33, has been doing both for the last 15 years and it has been worse over the last 3. We have bailed him out to the tune of over £40,000. Last week he used his rent money so now we will be paying that. But we have vowed enough is enough and we will walk away the next time. He has lost 2 serious relationships, a wife and a home but luckily he’s still holding onto his job and his son. We have been verbally abused, he has begged us, pleaded with us and threatened with not seeing out grandson and the emotional blackmail to give him money has been massive over the last 3 years. We went to a family support group who advised us not to enable him but its so difficult when he is literally crying and begging for help and you see your son brought down to this level. We all pray for a miracle as I suspect you do. I cannot advise what is best for you but all I will say is we all know we shouldn’t enable them or make it too easy for them. That has been my biggest mistake. Perhaps if I hadn’t helped so easily years ago we wouldn’t be in the mess we are now. My husband is a nervous wreck and feels life is over because of the son he was so proud of. Join the thread Lindyloo suggested it really does help.
Hi Lindyloo yes I’ve read Danman83’s posts and it gives me hope like so many of the recovering addicts I follow on tik toc. Your boy’s story could be my son’s exactly as you’ve described except he’s never been clean or gamble free for 6 mths. That’s a brilliant achievement.
When his first serious girlfriend finished with him after 6 years because he owed 10k in loans, he was 24, he went straight out and got the prayer tattooed on his arm. Lot of good that did!
Hi lizzie 1220 and James B my son is a cocaine addict and I can tell you over the last 3 years he has emotionally blackmailed us to the tune of over 40k. I am.now with a debt management company and will be paying it off for another 4 years. It transpired he has been doing it since he was 18 but we didn’t know. He was a heavy gambler and had loans amounting to 10k by the time he was 24. He married at 28 had a son at 30 and divorced by 32. He’s only ever had 3 serious relationships since he was 18 and each one of them has ended up down the pan because of his addictions. His girlfriend ended it on Friday, she couldn’t do it anymore. His total disregard for all those close to him became too much. He had spent his rent money this time and begged us to help and we have agreed to pay it when it’s due. We know this is wrong and completely against everything we’re told but we have made a pact, his dad and me, that this is the absolute last time and next time we are united and walk away. He did seem different yesterday though as if the penny dropped and what he had lost again so I’m hoping something might actually have sunk in. He told me he cried all day Saturday and was very sad. He lives in a flat on his own, has lost all his friends and sees no one apart from work and his gorgeous boy at weekends. He has a fantastic relationship with his son but he knows he is very close to losing him too if it continues. Anyway I guess what I’m getting round to is you absolutely did the right thing by not handing over the money. Keep being strong not weak like us even though it will hurt and you will suffer abuse for not giving him what he asking for. My son’s teeth are terrible too and he had one removed last year. I’m just waiting for his nose to collapse which will be a shame as he’s a handsome boy. It’s the devil’s powder and I’m.just so sad our loved ones dance to his tune.
Hi Mrs B247 Lindyloo suggested it to me too and I’m so grateful. I’m so sorry about your son and your story sounds all too familiar so welcome to the thread.
How lovely Februarymarie, I bet that did you the world of good and you’re in the States, wow. I have a pen pal ????
Me too, I have an upbeat nature and a lot of people would be gobsmacked if they knew half of what’s going on in my family but I keep it all together as best I can. We had a good Sunday today with my son bringing my grandson for the afternoon and Sunday dinner. I don’t know, there was something different about him. I’m just hoping it’s the realisation of what he’s put people through. Apparently he cried most of the day yesterday as his girlfriend has definitely finished it and won’t be talked round. Good for her I say! What we carry on our shoulders eh Lindyloo? The fake smiles and saying everything is fine. But we’re strong ladies and we’ve got each other if only through this forum. Let’s pray for a good week ????