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Hey everyone I’ve had something else to focus on this afternoon, my daughters baby shower albeit very small because of restrictions. We had it in our garden in the gorgeous sunshine. It really took my mind off of things. She’s due in 3 weeks and I’m so looking forward to the distraction.
Jem thank you for suggesting me holding on to his money for him but we did try a while back but it didn’t work and tbh the majority of his money goes straight out on bills etc and this is why he ends up asking to borrow from us to pay for his habit! To be fair this is the first time he’s used his rent money and I just hope it’s the last time.
Februarymarie, my son is a taker too! Never offers to pay back (when he can), everything is all about what we can do for him. You son’s comment would be my son’s too. Forget all the pain and heartache they’ve caused but we should be proud because they’ve attempted something they should be doing anyway.
DebC I wish my son would get some exercise its so good for them so well done to yours.
Goodnight ladies, I’m shattered after today and probably the last few days stress catching up with me. Have a great, trouble free Sunday ????????????????
Hi All so an update on Thursday. I told my husband when he got home from fishing about what our son had done again (he always asks if everything is OK when he comes in and can tell by my face). He went to his flat to see him and talk but didn’t get much change. Whilst he was there my son’s girlfriend messaged me to say she was walking away now. She had to for her own mental health. Anyway my husband agreed to give him his rent money but we are both in agreement that if it happens again we will have to walk away too. Its been too long of trying to help he needs to do this on his own and suffer the consequences if he can’t pay for it. We should have done it a long time ago but as Parents you try to help and protect your children. We are both in our 60s and don’t need this anymore. It’s getting harder to deal with. Yesterday he spent the whole day in bed sleeping it off. I don’t know what’s going to happen now but I always live in hope that each time he will wake up and think this time I’m going to recover. Hope you all have a good weekend x
Thanks Bump and how lovely having time with your son like old times. Yes this thread has been a massive lifeline to me recently so thank you everyone. Just waiting for hubby to come home from fishing and tell him the bad news again. Wish me luck. X
Hi Bump its individuals who are in recovery and post everyday inspiration and encouragement or how long they have been in recovery each day. The ones I follow are all ordinary young men in their 30s. There is one guy on there who was using cocaine for over 30 years but has been in recovery for a few years now and has written a book. Again it helps and gives me hope for my son.
Hi Jem thanks for your post. I’m so pleased your son is trying again. I’ll pray he can do it this time. So today I called my son and once again we have the tears. This time he’s spent his rent money and is beside himself with worry and fear. I went to his flat and he is a pitiful sight. My beautiful boy so depressed and ashamed. Obviously he’s asked for £600 to cover his rent but I don’t have it so he asked me to ask his dad but I know this will cause ructions and i suspect he will refuse. I told him this and he then said he will kill himself if he can’t pay it. I’ve told him to come on here, follow men in recovery on tik tok, and join CA and NA which he said he would. I don’t know what else to do now. I said if we pay the rent he’ll just continue but he reckons he won’t. He doesn’t want to be like this but I’ve heard it all before. Damned if I do and dsmned if I don’t.
Hi February Marie I too came on here a few years ago but needed to reach out again recently and thanks to Lindyloo she put me onto this thread. Sadly it is very comforting knowing we’re not alone. My son was a heavy gambler but then 3 years ago we found out cocaine has played a large part in his now very sad life. He’s 33 but it seems he started using it socially at 18 now he can’t stop. This has resulted in a very short marriage ending in divorce after the birth of his son 3 years ago. Fast forward to now, thousands of pounds later, vile horrendous abuse to those that love him, counselling, attending drugs projects and lots of tears, begging and pleading nothing has changed. He lives a very sad and lonely life now and there’s nothing more I can do to help. He has a girlfriend but I think she’s had enough now. I’ll always be here like the rest of you for your boys but when they won’t talk or get help you have to walk away. I smile but there’s nothing behind the eyes now. I hate hearing about my friends’ sons and how well they’re doing and that is wrong, that’s not fair. My son has done this to himself, no one forced him or tortured him to take cocaine. So I’m really thankful for this group, it helps so much x
Hi Heartbroken first of all I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this but it’s such a similar story to a lot of us on here. My son is the addict and his wife asked him to leave 3 years ago after having had enough of the exact same treatment as you. His dad describes him as the devil and we have all suffered abuse, blame and vile behaviour from him. Sadly nothing has changed except for last summer when he was clean for 3 months. We live every day questioning his every action, comment and behaviour wondering if its the coke or his normal personality. I suspect the coke tbh. Today I drove past his flat to see if his car had moved from the parking place he had last night but it hadn’t as if it had, I know he would have gone out to get some. But on calling in with his dogs tonight I could tell he has been using as he was twitching and when I asked what he was going to get his son for his 3rd birthday he admitted he didn’t have any money as he’d been using again. He has had thousands off of us so he knows that boat has sailed. He absolutely adores his son and Like you we thought that would be enough to stop him but sadly not. I’ve said it many times on here to women who are suffering because of their addict partner but the best thing you can do is leave as their lives will be horrendous for years to come so I’m glad for your family’s sake that you are starting this process. Good luck xx
Hi Lindyloo as Bump said this is where you can let off steam without being judged as we all know what each of us are going through. I guess this is part of his rollercoaster ride. I just hope it passes and he doesn’t let himself and you down. We’re always in the firing line sadly. Keep strong ????xx
Lindyloo my son’s doctor referred him to a drugs project but it took time to get seen. He did go to the sessions and enjoyed meeting others but it didn’t stop him using fully. Over time he’s seen various counsellors too. I’ve just spoken him which is really early for him to be up but he has his son with him and he seems to be in a good place atm. But then he always is when he’s with him just wish it was enough to make him stop completely. I can live in hope.
I’m so glad you’ve got your family’s support. You and your baby will survive this with their help. Stay strong my lovely xx
Hi Bump That’s brilliant. It’s great when you hear good news and someone getting the help they need. I work in a secondary school and it’s scary to see how many kids get caught up in it or suffer from mental health issues.
Hi Jap this was all new to us 3 years ago too. We had never had anything do with drugs and didn’t know anyone who did them so you can imagine how devastating it was to us as parents to find out our son was using coke on a regular occurrence. We knew he was a gambler but it wasn’t until our grandson was born that it all came to a head and we possibly wouldn’t have known if they decided not to have children. I can only advise on the experience we have gone through and the advice we were given at family drugs counselling sessions we used to go to. I didn’t want to see my son break up his family but she had no choice but to ask him to leave because he was making her a nervous wreck never knowing if she’d be able to feed the baby or pay the bills, she had to think of the baby. It broke us when all this happened and my husband is still unable to come to terms with what his son has done and because he is still using despite saying he doesn’t want to and promises to quit on many occasions. We should be sitting pretty financially at our age but sadly our funds have depleted because of his pitiful begging for us to help him, sorry that should read enable him because that is what we were in effect doing. We’ve all been sucked in with his promises and lies for too long. He was clean for 3 months last summer but it didn’t last. So you can see why I say give yourself a break. If you’ve got good relationships with your family then you will get through it. She divorced him but I know she still loves him deep down and they have a good relationship surrounding their son but it would have been horrendous if she’d stayed it was so toxic because of my son.
That’s awful but pretty much what you’d expect if he’s been using all the time he’s been away. You both deserve so much more ❤
Again I’m so sorry you are going through this. I hope you and your child move on from this sooner rather than later. I don’t think there is going to be any change on his part anytime soon. Look after yourself xx
Oh Jap I’m so sorry ???? can you find out if he’s been to work? The thing is if he does come back over the weekend how will he be in any fit state to look after your child if he’s been using all that time? He will be hanging and just want his bed. This is what was happening with my son and his ex. She had no support with their newborn, he was always too tired to take his turn and wouldn’t get out of bed. She was exhausted. I’m really sorry that you are going through this but you need to put you and your child first now and get tough before you become ill.