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He’s just come in to pick his dogs up (he had them when they split but guess who walks them most days). He was very pleasant but its so unnerving as I don’t know whether he’s used, going to use or gambled. I want to tear into him but I know to keep quiet and try to put it to the back of my mind for now anyway. There’s so much I want to say but it just always ends in an argument. Xx
Oh they bare face lie all the time. Recently, My son told his girlfriend that I’m at his flat having a cup of tea when I’m actually talking to her by txt at home and said he’s been at his neighbours bbq when she can see he’s online. He lied because he won’t facetime her if he’s used coz she can tell. It’s just so shameful what this makes them do.
It’s just nice to know we’re not on our own and sharing our stories makes a massive difference to our day. Your son sound’s just like mine, remorseful, sad, embarrassed and disappointed in himself until the next fix. There’s a lot of us on here praying for a miracle so let’s hope one day it happens. I’m glad you managed to get up and be proactive. it’s hard but you did it well done ????
I’m sorry if I was too blunt xx
I believe my son has a personality disorder, either bipolar or borderline personality disorder not helped by the coke. He’s definitely got OCD and when he goes into something it is full on. The amount of hobbies he has taken on over the years only to get fed up with them after a short while. When his marital home sold he managed to rent a flat but the excess went up his nose or to pay off his debts. He’s now finding it difficult to run the flat and never has any money left when he gets paid. He has just called me and was really pleasant but we’re always waiting for the aggression to appear, walking on eggshells all the time. My husband is very much like you in that he can’t forgive him what he’s done to his family. It could and should have been so different. I’m there with you my friend ❤
Hi to both of you I am a mother of a son who treated his ex exactly the same as your partners are treating you. Please get the strength to leave them. My daughter in law suffered years of his gambling then using coke, they had a baby but it came to a head when he was 8 months old. She had no money, she lost weight, lost her hair was a nervous wreck and couldn’t cope any more. He came back with us and they divorced. He is still using, has no money, the proceeds from the sale of the house went on debts and up his nose. He can be vile to me and his dad if we don’t pay his dealers. Seriously think of yourselves here and move on. You will have a very sad life if you don’t.
Hello safe in bed my heart goes out to you as this is partly my story, the only difference is my ex daughter in law mustered up the strength to divorce my son. He is my first born like yours and has brought so much heartbreak to myself, his dad and his ex. I never in a million years thought that this would happen to us. Yesterday I was accused of making him claustrophobic and on Sunday the names he was calling me was disgusting but in the next breath talking like nothing had happened. I cried on my own Yesterday because I really want to cut all ties with him but I know how vile and hurtful he can be and threatens me not to see my beautiful grandson. I expect his back story is the same as my son’s, they usually are. They don’t go out to become addicts we all know that I just wish they had the strength to stop ???? Feeling your pain xx
Thanks Dan, you keep up your good work and don’t look back ????x
Hi Lindyloo thanks for your comments. Totally agree, this is his problem and at 33 he needs to sort it. Just wish I hadn’t been so weak in handling over the money. ????. Praying for us all x
Hi Dan I don’t know. He’s txt to say he’s sorry he’s snappy and short but he’s under a lot of pressure and needs to keep his distance to sort himself out so who knows but I’m going to have to step back and not ask or question anything. As a parent it’s just heartbreaking. I follow a few people in recovery on tik toc and you and I hope and pray he will one day make the right decision ????
I should have added too that he ran up so much debt that I took it over to help them cope, I was stupid as it was over £40,000. He made his wife take out a credit card, she’d never had one before and he maxed it out leaving her saddled with the debt. He had a debt management plan too of £40,000 but he managed to get really expensive loans, high interest credit cards and pay day loans on top of that which is what I took over by putting it on credit cards and loans so now I’m on a debt management plan. He had lots of money off his nan before she died causing friction between family members. He’s had nearly £2500 off of us since February so that is why there is no more. I think he has cooked his goose now as he knows no more will be coming his way. All in all he has gambled or snorted a 6 figure sum and nearly bankrupted us too.
Hi Brooke, I have just replied to Amy Brand and she is going through more or less the same as what you did. Well done my lovely for making the decision to leave! I am the mother of a coke addict who put my ex daughter in law through hell. She eventually asked him to leave and divorced him. Of course according to him it was all her fault but as you know the closest people to them will always be in the firing line. He wouldn’t leave her alone and was vile to her but I think its settled down a bit now and he does see his son every weekend. It will be the best thing you’ve done, honestly. I’ve shared my story on here so you can see what we’ve been through.
Hi Amy there’s no court in the land that will stop you taking your children if your partner is taking drugs and using all your money to buy them. I know this from experience as I’m sad to say my son did this to my ex daughter in law and newborn son. He was a heavy gambler and did coke, not that we knew about the coke until 3 years ago. He ran up so many debts and used the majority of her inheritance from her nan. She even asked me for money to pay their mortgage as he had blown his wages and the money in the joint account. Even on holiday abroad I was asked to help them out as he’d blown their money. Anyway she finally had enough, she’d lost so much weight, her hair was falling out and in the end she asked him to leave, she was a bag of nerves. He came to live with us and she filed for divorce. That my friend was the best action she could have taken. He was never violent towards her or cheated on her but the emotional abuse she was receiving on a come down from coke, the worry of not being able to feed the baby and pay the bills was too much. They were divorced last year, sold the house and his share has sadly gone up his nose. He has nothing and never will. He lives in a nice little flat, holds down a good job and sees his son at weekends. He owes us thousands and has brought us to our knees mentally. I hadn’t seen him since last Tuesday as he was at his girlfriends for the weekend. He came in with his little boy for dinner and sadly he admitted he’d used last Thursday. ???? So from the previous Thursday when I received crying and begging phone calls and texts saying he wasn’t going to do it again and needed to stop and can we give him the money to pay off the dealers again he has succumbed to the devil. Of course I patted him on the back and said well done!!! Like hell I did so I’m just waiting for the pleading and begging for money. Unfortunately for him I am sticking to my guns this time and he will not get a penny. This is how sad he is, he said he can’t wait for the bookies to open so he can win some money to sort himself out. This has been the cycle he has lived in for years. He is self excluded from some online sites and actual bookies but he’ll find a way to gamble.
Sorry for rambling but what I’m trying to say is please,please do what my ex daughter-in- law did and get out of there. Unless like Danman you know he’s seeking help and trying and you can see him trying then you will have an awful life. My son has done GA, drugs project and been clean for 3 months but sadly gave in again. My head tells me to have nothing do with him but it’s hard, really hard so I know how you must be feeling but something will snap and that will be it. Good luck ❤
Hi Catsmum sorry you think your son is using and gambling again. The worry is just horrendous isn’t it. This has been my sons story for the last 15 years, roulette machines, online gambling then coke. I believe and he has admitted, that in the end gambling was to try and pay for coke. He has self excluded from several bookies and online which he did once before. Perhaps you could mention this to your son? It does help.
Hi Jem thanks for your kind words. That’s brilliant news, well done your boy ❤. It’s massive for him to do that so good on him????. My son is at his girlfriend’s until tomorrow so I’m hoping he behaves and doesn’t give her a hard time. I’ll see him tomorrow with my grandson. ???? everyone have a peaceful weekend. Xxx