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Hi Wagtail Sending love and hugs to you from another mum who has gone through the same as you. I have pledged that the last time we were begged for money to pay off his dealers was the last and that we will have nothing to do with him next time. Our son was a talented sportsman, has had beautiful girlfriends and a loving wife and home all lost because of cocaine. He has a gorgeous son who he does see but how long before this is taken from him too because he can’t beat it. He was clean for a few months last summer but has blown thousands and I mean a six figure sum on it including £45,000 that I stumped up to help him clear his debts. Stupid I know, still paying it off ????. You are definitely not alone and it breaks my heart that our boys have come to this. He was a week clean on Wednesday but I haven’t spoken to him today so I’m hoping that this is still the case. My husband is gradually losing the will to live and is badly affected that the boy who was the apple of his eye is a cokehead. Coming on this chat page helps so much. Take care xxxx
Hi Drainedmum I feel your pain, I actually thought I was reading my story. (I shared my story on the drugs and alcohol page the other day). Hang on on in there you are not alone, there are so many of us out there going through the same thing. Like you I have withdrawn from friends and colleagues, I can’t bear to hear how well and normal their kids are. I’m not normally like that as I love to hear about their families but I’m finding it hard to give false smiles. I stood in the shower and screamed the other day but nothing came out, I broke my heart. This forum is a godsend but I hope we all receive a miracle one day. Stay strong my friend x
Hi Jem, that’s great that you had a good day. I’m going to look into getting that book too. All advice, suggestions and support from people suffering the same as us is so appreciated. Our day went well, no aggro or negativity although I’m always on tenterhooks waiting for something to kick off but it didn’t. I think that’s possibly down to our gorgeous grandson keeping everyone smiling. X
Thanks Lindyloo, I followed your suggestion. God willing we all have a peaceful day xxx
Thanks cyclingmad, let’s hope Easter Sunday with the resurrection of Jesus (I’m not religious btw as he hasn’t answered my prayers) brings us new hope. He’s bringing my beautiful grandson in for lunch and an Easter Egg hunt. Love to all x
Hi Maxheadroom I don’t think it did to start as he was using fruit machines way before things got big online (he’s 33 now so when he was 14/15 it was just the fruit machines that git hold of him) but I think as he got older, drank more on nights out and the coke became the norm, he gambled to try and win money to fund the coke and got more into debt. This is how its been for the last 3 years, he’d do the coke, owe the dealers gamble to try to win the money he owes, do more coke because he lost hundreds of pounds then ring mum to bail him out. So if your son is gambling its quite possible he’s trying to fund his addiction and picking up another one in the process. My son hasn’t gambled for quite some time now (as far as I know) as he has self excluded from online sites and bookies. He’s also not been drinking or smoking for nearly a year its just the damn white devil powder he has to quit!
Hi Tiredmam I’m so sad to read this and completely get why you are at your wits end. My husband says the same about hating our son and wishing he wasn’t born and we too don’t tell family or friends because of the shame and embarrassment. The sad thing is that this drug is so easily accessible for teenagers now and being glamourised by TV series. I work in an inner city School and know of several young and I mean young children who have been caught up in it by being groomed or involved in violence. Sadly our boys are the ones who are making these dealers rich at the expense of their addiction and lives. My son is 33 and it has got worse in the last 3 years(we only found out about the coke 3 years ago because of how bad his behaviour was in his marriage and that he was in so much debt) but he’s been gambling since he was 14 on fruit machines, then bookies and online, then the coke came in on nights out and has taken over his life. I’m praying with you for that miracle that they can turn their lives around and you are certainly not alone x
Thanks Jenny that’s great news about your son. I really hope this new chapter is successful for him. My son has always worked and is good at his job, he’s very lucky in that regard and he’s always had access to his son. But I told him this week his luck will run out eventually and he will lose everything including his life if he carries on. We’ve had 15 years of gambling, drinking and cocaine becoming worse in the last 3 years. His marriage broke down, I took on his debt of over £40,000, I shouldn’t have I know. I’m just hoping and praying he can do it this time as we will not be giving him anymore money. He’s had a further £2000 since Feb this year as all the money from his divorce settlement has gone. You can bet he’s spent a 6 figure sum on gambling and coke in the last 15 years. He’s been lovely today but he’s vile after a comedown. I could go on and on but you all know the score ???? take care everyone x
Hi Jenny you comments re your son’s funeral is exactly how I have been thinking. My son is a coke addict, my story is up there today. I swear that if the inevitable happens I will only be allowing immediate family to the funeral because when I asked him to delete the dealers from his phone he said ‘ I might as well delete all my contacts’. That speaks volumes to me, they’re all getting rich at the expense of my son’s addiction. ????
Hi Lindyloo thanks for responding and I’m sorry about your son too. It genuinely breaks my heart to think that our children have been the unlucky ones that this devil powder has got a hold of. I’ve been with him and his son today and to an outsider you would never know he has this huge problem. But I know that when his son leaves on Monday he will be feeling crap and probably use again although he told me again today that he has to change his life. I will look for the Theresa thread and hop on. I’m going to get my husband on here too as he needs to read others story and talk to people in the same situation. We did go to a family group at our local drugs project but stopped going when we thought he was doing ok last year. X
Hi Danman83 thanks for responding and well done for Quitting. I shall definitely look into that book. He’s done GA, he’s done our city’s drug’s project he’s been to numerous counsellors in the last I’d say 10 years and like I said he quit for 4 months last year. I think he wants to quit again it but the demon just gets ahold of him. Thank you for your time and you should be so proud of yourself ????
Me again I meant to add I’m sorry you’re going through this too. My heart goes out to everyone suffering the affects of a loved one being an addict so it’s nice to come on here and share our stories and not feel alone. All our hearts are breaking ????????
Hello I can resonate 100%. Our son has been using coke for at least 15 years we found out recently, he’s 33. Initially we thought he just had a gambling problem as he played roulette in the bookies and online and built up massive debts but the coke became more of a habit and the gambling got worse as he was trying to pay for the coke. We only found out about all of this 3 years ago when his wife had had enough. They had a baby 6 months previously anyway she kicked him out, he came here I payed off some of his debts £40,000 (big big mistake) he was a horrible, horrible person. Nasty words, threatening behaviour, paranoia etc etc. Moved into his own place 10 months ago all good because he had the share of the house from the divorce but that soon went. Now he’s broke and is still doing it, begging for money, lying to his girlfriend about why he can’t facetime because he’s used, no friends, in bed all the time. His dad is broken and can’t take any more of the abuse. I want to cut all ties coz he’s bleeding us dry again but at the same time my heart is breaking because this is my son who was the apple of mine and my husbands eye. It started as they all do nights out when they’re young, but 15 years later its going to kill him. I need strength to stop enabling him but the crying, pleading and begging kills me. He’s still working and still has his beautiful boy at weekends. Thursday we found out he’d done it for the past 3 days so what does he do, beg and cry for the money and what do, I do stump it up! Every time he says it’s the last and he’s not doing it, last summer he did for 4 months but then it started again. I know we’re nearly at the end because he will die. We can’t afford rehab now. We are so desperate ????
It breaks your heart doesn’t it. I pray that they can both be strong now. Good luck xxx