[alijohn07]

Hi, looking for advice!

I told my husband before marrying him that he needed to choose cocaine or me and a family, he told me that he doesn’t want the drugs and I’m more important. I believed him,

before all of this he would spend the majority of his wages on cocaine so he started paying all his pay into my account so I was able to have his share of the household bills and put money aside to save for him and then put budgets into his account so there is never enough in there to buy cocaine. This was his choice to transfer all his money too me and I only use it for his share of household bills, but he’s so ignorant to the amount that running a home and a family costs that he also accuses me of spending his money on my personal things, and I have told him time and time again I can show him exactly where his money goes as I account for every penny but when it comes down to it he’s not interested in sitting down with me and go through it.

somehow he still managed to get money from somewhere to get it. Or he would leave some in his account and say he got paid less.

since the beginning of our relationship he has done nothing but lie to me about all sorts of things including that he had 2 other children that he was hiding and i have found out the majority of his lies. And forgiven him for them and opened my home up to him and his children and made sure that they have their own bedrooms and that my home is their home attitude.
but his cocaine problem is my biggest worry, I have said until I’m blue in the face I don’t want him if he continues to use and that I don’t want a life that involves illegal drugs, his attitude is that I’m a narrow minded, pig ignorant hypocrite as I smoke cigarettes and have the odd glass of wine now and then.

he has lied to me so much through our relationship it’s made me a nervous wreck, he deletes messages off his phone and call history so I can’t see that he’s been in contact with his dealers, and when I have gut feelings about something like the shifty behaviour that always shows when he’s used or about to use and gets caught out, I can’t help but to check his account and also his search history on his phone as iv seen emails from high street money lenders which I’m also against as the interest rates are so high the last thing I want is debt collectors knocking my door if he doesn’t make his payments as he would do this behind my back and not tell me that it needs paying. and atm we are just about managing with the money we have let alone if we had to pay one of those loans back.

I just want him to be off the drugs so we can have a happy life together with his kids and I only do what I do out of pure love for him and his children, I don’t want them growing up seeing their dad high off cocaine. But to him I’m just being selfish and narrow minded and have a my way or no way attitude. He calls me a child and some other nasty stuff, but he’s always the one in the right.

even on our honeymoon he tried all ways to let me allow him to take cocaine as we were in Mexico and his excuse was he wanted the experience of taking it in Mexico. And because I told him if he did our relationship was over I was called everything and he told me he would resent me for ever for not allowing him that experience and that he doesn’t think he’s braking our vows. Well I stood my ground and if he wants to resent me then so be it.
he accuses me of being controlling as I “take all his money off him” he’s the one who transfers it and said he wants to transfer it. He knows himself he cannot be trusted with money as no sooner that he has money he can’t help but use cocaine. The only thing i can honestly say I’m controlling about if that he’s not to take drugs or bring drugs into my home (which he has done numerous times knowing my feelings)
he’s even gone to the lengths of trying to sell items on gumtree and vinted to source money for cocaine.

that’s all iv ever asked of him is for honesty and not to de deceitful and hide things.
AM I IN THE WRONG HERE?

I honestly don’t know what to do.
he has been to na meetings that lasted 2 meetings, we have paid for hypnotherapy and that only lasted 2 sessions.
what does it take for him to see that I’m only doing this for his sake and the sake of his children and our relationship?

 

 

 

 

 

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