[blondie1]

how are you doing lately m8? i hope ur story is better than mine lol xx

[blondie1]

hi guys-well alot has happened since my last blog-my partner got alot worse after i kicked him out in sept-i had him back a few times after that but it finally came to a head a few months ago wen he started injecting! 🙁 am absolutely devestated-jus wen i think things cant get any worse-they always bloody do! he hasnt been living here for a long while, and has got a place in rehab-at phoenix futures in hampsjire-which he went to on weds-he will be there for 3-6 months- so fingers crossed he will get clean and stay clean-although i am pleased he has got a place at rehab-and after everything he has put me and our 3 boys thru-i still love him, not as much as i did-and not the same as i did-but this is his big chance so i am using every last bit of positive energy i have for him to do well- but as for me and him-i dont know if i will ever be able to forgive him or if we can be a family again-i am gettin stronger day by day-and am just thinking of mne and the boys-and our future-atm he is not a part of that-we will c wot happens ………….whatch this space…

[blondie1]

such a sad story my lovely-im similar situation to you-been with my partner 14 yrs-3 boys 2gether, didnt find out about him ‘dabbling’ with heroin till my first born was 3 years old 🙁 but because i was dumb to heroin-believed eveything he told me about it-its horrible when you get to that point where u know every little sign-sometimes i think i we were better off b4 i knew it all-happy-but it was all false-he was on the stuff the whole time with been together-i just didnt know about it, that drug is such a nasty horrible drug-wrecks families lives-thing is you end up staying with them for just ‘another’ chance because because you want to keep your family together and you love them-but i have recently realised that i am only holding on to the memory of my man-as he has been an empty shell for last 2/3 years now, is it a truley heart wrenching situation to be in, i never thought in a million years i would find myself in this situation, i am gutted-wish there was a simple answer to this problem but i am starting to really accept that there isnt and that this ‘problem’ is a long term problem and long term commitment, personally i think there should be more funding for residentail programmes and rehab centres, my partner (atm) is regularly attending all of his appointments and meetings but has been told he is just simply not poorley enough to qualify for a stay in rehab 🙁 i am tring the last resort-tough love, fingers crossed and time will tell! i wish u all the luck in the world and hope u get things sorted and find strenght to make ‘you’ happy 🙂 xxx

[blondie1]

hi indigo, since i wrote that he has moved out! i completely agree with everythin u said-i am only now strong enuf to let him go-set out rules and boundaries and stick to them-he isnt quite at rock bottom yet but he’s getting that way-its just bloody heartbreaking to see-but it has started to affect my kids now-and i havent been happy for a long time, i have been prolonging the inevitable-which is him moving out of our family home-mainly because i cudnt bare the heartache it wud cause- but i realize and hav known deep down for a long time (prob last 2/3years) that its only the memory of him that im holding on 2-he isnt the man i loved anymore-and hasnt been for ages, and i cant cope with the lies and deciept anymore-im a nervous wreck because of that stuff! ive told him he is completely on his own with this battle now-i hav had enuf and want nothin at all to do with it anymore-and that i am puttin me and the kids first and this addiction is now something he has to sort out by himself-nothing i do or say makes any difference so he is on his own with it-defo tough love is the way forward for us-its the only thing i have left to hope for-i jus pray to god that eventually he will come out the other side of this living nightmare and come back to our beautiful loving little family-and that i dont lose him forever! 🙁 still love him so much it is killing me but i know i hav 2 b strong 4 my kids-otherwise they will not have a happy future xxx

[blondie1]

bless ur heart- i really feel for you, im in the same sort of situation, he is the only one that can get off the stuff-it doesnt matter what you say or do- he has to be the one to fight his demons and come back to you and your son after he has done so- fingers crossed for you he does get off trhe stuff! they r the only ones that can ever fully understand the stuff and have to get off it by themselves, i hope he does for yours and your sons sake xxxxxxxxxxxx

[blondie1]

yeah we hav had a relapse aswell-but tbh he is he is using at every chance he gets-i hav to watch him take his subbies everyday as the chemist dont n he spits them out! he has even put paracetomol in his mouth n told me they were his subs under his tounge! i am losing hope atm, he has been caught in public smoking by lots of people i know-he is losing all morals-dont think i can take much more-dont want to be doing this for another 10 years 🙁 im just having a down day i think-will prob feel better 2moro-hope urs is being good xxx

[blondie1]

i hope he sstays off it this time-this is a moving poem-sounds so like my situation, fingers crossed for you xxx

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