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Hi Babs
I read this post and didn’t want to pass on.
You are in a very difficult situation there and it just be really tough on you.
I can obviously only go by what you have written – it reads as if he is veering towards addiction in my experience.
Have you ever seen him do it or found any?
Sorry to say that most people dont just change and get better, something has to happen to jump start it. True addicts only ever get progressively worse and not better over time. Your post reads like it’s gone from being recreational to a necessity now – additionally its impacting you and your relationship, especially arguing all the time which just makes thos 10x worse
Sorry to hear that Jay. Is he still there, has he actually seen a GP yet?
Hey smarker
Firstly sorry to hear how that worked out. I can categorically say that isn’t your fault and you have done the right thing, even though it will feel a million miles from that.
I know when I was drinking or using, I’d do or say anything to be able to get on with it without being inconvenienced by family, friends – anyone. Lieing and manipulation were common so I didn’t get found out, and didn’t have to sort myself out and face my problems. Often I’d minimise my stuff and maximise someone else’s- it enabled me to evade responsibility and avoid facing up to the fact I was a wreck without a soul.
In my experience unless someone admits to their innermost self that they have an issue, there is very little other people can do – it will end up in an endless cycle.
I’m sorry you had to go through this, there seems to be alot of support on here for families of addicts and alcholics – maybe some support in that space would help
Thanks for sharing
Despite what an awful time you are having, I see some positives here. It sounds like he’s hit rock bottom and I personally believe any addict has to get there first before anything can really be done.
Seeing the GP is great and so is counselling, how is that going?
For me when I put the junk down I did that and it was helpful, but also needed to find a way to live which is where getting support from other addicts really helped.
Are you also getting support and help?
Hey no problem the posts on here helped me no end, so no thanks required.
The irony of addiction whatever you are addicted to is that you have to lose everything to win. Most people take it to the bitter end, hopefully she wont
Post here any time you need support
It’s a really difficult thing, but also true. Unfortunately you can’t do recovery for them, and also enabling them comes with guilt that you are feeding that habit. The mental illness is also another layer of complication as that untreated will make things worse for sure
Wow. That is so so difficult. Can you repair those relationships?
My view is you are doing the right thing, there isn’t much else you can do until they are ready to get help and admit defeat
Thanks Lisa.
That is heavy stuff. What you said about the magic pill is so true as well. Often people suffering with substance issues will opt for the magic pill as hard work and abistenence requires hard work, patience and experiencing alot of pain and feelings that have been suppressed – thats what makes the quick fix so appealing.
Its really difficult what to suggest as you have done all the right things. Giving money is only going to enable further using in my opinion. You have made the right choice though that can’t be easy when you care for someone.
Question: do you have enough support for you? It’s an awful lot to take on
Well done Steve mate. Withdrawals are bloody horrible. Stay strong
Hey Lisa
First up, that is a horrible situation and I’m sorry you have had to experience that.
Sadly – addiction does change people and often the focus is on getting the next high and escaping, meaning often people close to them end up getting affected one way or another.
I’m not sure what mental health problems she has, but the things she is taking- though may provide temporary relief, will end up harming her more in the long run. Additionally anything like opiates and benzos will prevent any prescribed meds working too.
Well dont for taking a stand, I imagine even though it’s the right thing to do, it probably doesn’t feel that way – quite the opposite.
In my experience at the person has to get to a place where they truly want to get help for their problem. Unfortunately you can’t do this for them.
Do you think there is any chance she may be receptive to getting some help?
Hey denise thank you for replying.
Firstly what tough situation – I feel for you.
I’m certainly not a shrink, and have to abide by forum rules and all that – in my experience the skunk will probably end up making her other condition (whatever that may be) worse long term – I say this out of caution and care only.
Is there anyway you could consult a doctor and review the medicine? Sometimes meds take a long time to work (2-4 weeks) and can have some unpleasant side effects – the concern being that if its left untreated it could get worse.
In terms of CBD – as mentioned it’s legal as it doesn’t contain any THC, or levels that are so minor that its insignificant. However the THC is probably the active ingredient making her feel better….
If you wanted to try it make sure you research. There are lots of different ones and ranging from complete garbage to very good, it can be expensive. You have a choice of drops (holland and barratt do these) oils, juice which you can vape and even edibles such as sweets.
Again plenty if research and reviews – dont be tempted by cheap ones.
Also dont overlook yourself and make sure you have plenty of support otherwise it’s easy to burn out and make yourself unwell.
Could you speak to the Gp first and perhaps on your own to see if there is anything they can for for treatment like alternative meds?
I wish you the very best of luck whatever you do and stay strong
Hi Linda
Do you know whether its resin or weed shes smoking, I kmownthere is evidence to suggest that really strong weed (skunk) can have a negative Impact on peoples mental health so its something to watch out for
Also I noticed you mentioned she suffers from intrusive voices – did you touch on that at all? There is world of difference between intrusive thoughts (very common, but horrible to experience) and hearing voices (could be something else which would need medical oversight)
I wonder if CBD may be an option as that doesn’t have the psychoactive substance, but works wonders for stress, relaxing and sleep etc
Hope you can post back, stay strong- you have alot on your plate there
Hi NP
Thanks for sharing, your situation when I read reminded me of my own family in some respects, especially feeling guilty for living your own life and leaving.
It sounds like your mum is trying to get help, but for whatever reason can’t quite stay stopped. I totally get how horrible this can be, but the positive side is that there is some willingness there – many people sit in denial and dont even try.
If your mum has tried everything else reasonable, do you think she would be open to an AA meeting? There are hundreds every day all over the UK. Right now they are on Zoom because of the lockdown which may be better for her right now as she can sit and listen and see if she identifies with other women at the meetings.
My experience of AA was really positive as I met people that thought the same as me and I identified with what they had done and more importantly how they got better and stopped drinking.
Putting the drink (or anything else) down is only half the battle, its trying to rectify the damage you caused and then live a productive happy life without it.
It isn’t for everyone but given it seems like nothing else worked it could be worth a shot
Hey Jay
That’s a ton of weight for one person to shoulder right there, and that isn’t even taking lockdown into account.
What you feel is to be entirely expected given what you have to contend with
Do you know what he is taking by chance?
The problem with lockdown is that being cooped up all the time really amplifies problems for a number of reasons, and you also feel trapped like you can’t get away.
It really depends whether he wants to stop and turn things around. He will likely need some help as this is more than just putting things down
Keep sharing on here as you sound like you need an outlet to talk about things, and lots of people on here are in a similar boat or have similar experiences it can really help to hear you are not alone
Stay strong mate
Hey Mate
From a health perspective that is a great deal to be consuming, sooner or later it will take its toll especially as you stated that is a good week.
We tend to get hung up on the amount, or how long the binge is – but really it’s the impact its having on the person and the people around them, and from what you have written it sounds like its impacting your relationship significantly – and that is a problem.
The fact your concerns are being dismissed isn’t good as where do you go from there?
Do you think she sees it as a problem at all?