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I did a ton of aa and have a sponsor, the lockdown has hampered that a bit, zoom. Meetings are super useful. I do some NA meetings too. I find it hard juggling that with a full time job and family, it’s all about balance I guess. Just got to get to grips with my chocolate addiction next!!
If it wasn’t for those guys on here lord knows where I’d be now.
Ha you are not the only one!!
All good here. Just back from a family break. A whole lot better than earlier this year…!
How about you?
I agree with Kel. I’d love to paint a rosey picture here but it isn’t the case.
Part of the issue is that there is not sufficient recollection of the pain and suffering you caused yourself and others with addiction, hence going straight back to it… Unless of course you ha e some sort of support ongoing
Hey Cath
What exactly happened?
I’m so sorry to hear that.
It’s difficult. But also clear that getting wasted is the priority now and not you. Whilst it’s admirable that you have given him one more chance, you probably know already what is going to happen. Glad you got some support as well, it’s going to help
Keep posting here. The more info you can share the more suggestions I can put out
Nature vs nurture… Can’t tell you how many times this has been asked!! It’s different for everyone tbh…
Hmmm, my kids are younger but I am a recovering addict and alcoholic so I know where all this Can lead to.
I think the approach you are taking is right – if you push it too far you could lose contact and then you won’t have any oversight good or bad and that is painful for a parent.
What really needs to be understood is the root of all this and what is driving it. Are you and the husband putting on a united front
You have to ask yourself if this is what you want fr the relationship, as guaranteed unless your partner admits he has an issue and seeks help, there is very little you can do about this. You can’t do this for them, and you can’t rescue them either. I know this isn’t what you want to hear, and it seems harsh, a quick read of this forum however will show you this is most people’s experience.
Your reaction is normal as its a shock, however his behaviour is typical of an addict that’s been rumbled as the cat is out of the bag and he can no longer use without people knowing. It’s the tipping point really.
Without being too harsh I can tell you now, unless he makes a serious commitment to stopping – thateans admitting he has an issue and doing something about it, this will likely carry on to the bitter end. I would urge you to think about the kids first and foremost, they don’t deserve to have their lives ruined.
Start by having a conversation again and informing him it’s no longer acceptable and he will ruin yours and the kids lives unless he gets help, and gage the reaction from there.
Is she receptive to sitting down and talking to you?
Hey Ruby
First of all none of this is your fault, so go easy on yourself. The fact is that your dad is an alcoholic and that is not your doing. It’s also Incredibly unfair that he has made this your problem too.
What you describe in his behaviour is actually very common in alcoholics. Manipulation, hiding things, deception, theft – anything to carry on what they are doing and take zero responsibility for their actions. Also somewhere along the line the role of parent and child has been confused somewhat, it sounds like you have become the latter which is also wrong on a number of levels.
All this said and done, despite his antics he is still your dad and you care about him.
Do you think he is receptive to a chat or any form of help at all?
I also advise you get some support – posting here, counselling, or Al anon as you ha e alot goinf on there and don’t have to face this alone.
Post back when you can and stay strong
Hey
Thanks for posting.
Growing up with parents who have a drink problem is tough. Unless you have a dependency on alcohol it’s very unlikely you would understand why people behave like this, and why drink comes above anything else and nor should you either.
It’s easy to say to people in the situation you are in that it isn’t your problem, but the fact is it is. You want your dad to be there, to be interested, to participate in your life and to be a parent to you.
Before anything else there are two things
One can you get some support? Whether that be counselling, or help from Al anon who are set up to help relatives of alcoholics, there you will find lots of people in your situation
Secondly, have you tried to talk or address anything with him yet? I’m wondering if he would be receptive to this or now – had to ask
Please post back and stay strong
No problem.
Meetings are on all at every day just get a list from the site. Let us know how you get on and good luck