[bump22]

Hi Februarymarie I hope today has been better. Stay strong so sorry for what u are going though x

[bump22]

Februarymarie.

Thanks my son is clean but hes very low and that worries me.

It’s so nice to hear your thoughts about the queen. The reason she wore bright colours is apparently because she knew everyone wanted to see her and so it helped her stand out! I live right by a famous English racecourse and every year her car wld pass the bottom of my road so I’ve always been pleased to see her and philip pass by.

I know this isnt the forum for it but meghan but it’s good to hear that the Americans can also see that she a social climbing selfish woman who needs to learn some family values!! Shes living off her husbands family and has no respect.

The royal family have done alot for mental health and young people and helping people turn their lives around so let’s hope that keeps going and drug and alcohol addiction gets included in that.

The princes trust and Duke of Edinburgh have really helped young people get their lives on track. They use their positions to do good unlike alot of celebrities.

Our nation wont ever be the same but I hope people give king charles a chance.

I’m glad your son is doing ok.

[bump22]

Thanks.february marie.

I’m very sad she was a very selfless monarch. And will be missed very.much.

I went to.pay my respects at the palace. But have come.away feeling that it’s becoming a spectacle and her immediate family as u said lindyloo shld have time to grieve without being in this goldfish bowl.

I hope everyone is doing ok. I’m a bot worried about my son tbh.

[bump22]

Sadly imagine dragon communication does become non existent since they are adults and unless they give permission we wont be informed.

You could call and say once the general support…idk it’s difficult.

Maybe try and just invest in some time to try and switch off to his life..perhaps have a week where u just concentrate on switching off and being absent from his life. He will need to learn ypu arnt there at his beck and call.

Put some.nice things in the diary for u. Xx

[bump22]

Hi I.imagine dragon.

So it depends on the level of support he gets.

Have they said what they will give?

I’m going to be honest the first supported place was rubbish but to be fair it was the start of covid so I think the level of support was very much reduced.

The 2nd place was better.. after he moved out though he did relapse.

But I think that was a lesson to himself that he cant just have one drink as it escalates into full blown chaos and addiction again.

The final.place has been a proper addiction specialist place and he had to really engage and was really strict. He is now in a move on house with them and has been clean for about 6 months.

He is working too for the longest he ever has done…I actually hate writing it as I live in fear of a relapse.

But I think any supported living place will offer more support than if he wasnt there…they will have more patience and experience than us.

Make sure to take some space for yourself now while he is there.

It’s all consuming and you need to look after yourself.

[bump22]

Hi I.imagine dragon.

So it depends on the level of support he gets.

Have they said what they will give?

I’m going to be honest the first supported place was rubbish but to be fair it was the start of covid so I think the level of support was very much reduced.

The 2nd place was better.. after he moved out though he did relapse.

But I think that was a lesson to himself that he cant just have one drink as it escalates into full blown chaos and addiction again.

The final.place has been a proper addiction specialist place and he had to really engage and was really strict. He is now in a move on house with them and has been clean for about 6 months.

He is working too for the longest he ever has done…I actually hate writing it as I live in fear of a relapse.

But I think any supported living place will offer more support than if he wasnt there…they will have more patience and experience than us.

Make sure to take some space for yourself now while he is there.

It’s all consuming and you need to look after yourself.

[bump22]

My son was exactly the same when I moved him to his supported living place.

It’s the drugs still in his system it takes a while for their personality to resemble anything near near nice. My son is about 6 months clean now and has only just started to be nice although I’m still not sure if it’s a mental health problem with him.

Perhaps just block him for a bit or decide your own boundaries.

Tell him u will speak to him once a day at a certain time.

When I had counselling and my son was right in the full throws of his addiction and my counsellor said about taking g back control and setting your boundaries.

So I would block his texts and calls and then unblock him at 6pm if i felt the need to i would call him. If he was nasty i would end the call and tell him if you want to speak to me nicely I’ll leave the call unlocked for a other half hour. If he called me straight back nasty and demanding I would block him again.

Yes he dirnt like it and yes I was still stressed as you are as a mum when ypur son is an addict but it did help and enabled me to live a bit more normally.

Your not cutting him off completely but setting reasonable boundaries. I realised now I was bullied by him and did too much…my.mum never drove so I always got a bus or train..he will just have to grow up and do it himself.

[bump22]

Yes sadly Imagine dragon I’ve had all that..I think when they take drink and drugs it comes with the territory.

It’s so hurtful. Just remind yourself that it’s the drugs and how the drugs has messed with their minds that is behind it.

[bump22]

Imagine dragon out of interest where is your son now? Has he got accommodation?

Your same situation as me it was a no brainer not to have a grown adult son in the house with a 10 year old when they have those issues.

I think at 19 theres so much immaturity and he will have his wake up call.

I do beleive making the decision sooner rather than later to kick my son out speeded things up and so got him to that wake up call moment sooner rather than later..but it wasnt straight away.

[bump22]

Imagine dragon out of interest where is your son now? Has he got accommodation?

Your same situation as me it was a no brainer not to have a grown adult son in the house with a 10 year old when they have those issues.

I think at 19 theres so much immaturity and he will have his wake up call.

I do beleive making the decision sooner rather than later to kick my son out speeded things up and so got him to that wake up call moment sooner rather than later..but it wasnt straight away.

[bump22]

Thanks lindyloo.

Yes in a better place.

Holiday was great..forst time I havnt felt so stressed and long covid getting better too.

Imagine dragon my son also has made me feel.like I’ve chosen.my younger so over him.

But it’s not the case.

I live near london so just rang London homeless charities and explained about .y son being homeless and his addiction issues and kept being signposted elsewhere and eventually dpu d somewhere who cld help him…so draining that this ep isnt so easily accessible and I had to hunt for it.

[bump22]

Can I ask does your son work?

When you say you wont put him out then I’m afraid to say you are enabling him.

Anything we do in life to help them including putting a roof over their head enables them to continue without the harsh consequences for example of losing their accommodation.

He probably knows that no matter how low he gets hes always got mum there and she wont kick me out so he always has a roof over his head and food in his tummy. That I’m afraid is not rock bottom.

I feel your pain but what consequences has he had to face when u say he has been at rock bottom?

Or is it that u feel its rock bottom but actually it isnt for him?

[bump22]

Imagine dragon.

I also had to kick my son out.

Same as you his behaviour was intolerable and i had a young son in the house. Everyone with experience in addiction said to kick him out and I had to put the rest of us first.

I dont beleive what I did was wrong. I did bang on alot of doors such as the council for housing etc but only through ringing every charity in homelessness and addiction did I stumble le on where he is now.

He has been clean since February and working.

He has me blocked on his phone and wont see me but I hope one day he sees what I did as the actions of a mum who wanted the best for him.

So is this a success story as u asked for..well hes clean and on new years day he almost died of an overdose so its alot better than it was. But I’m. Mindful that he has relapsed before and I now know that he will always be an addict even if he is in recovery.

We have just returned from holiday and it’s the first where I havnt been a stressed out nervous wreck and taking calls from police landlords

and allsorts. Yes theres a sadness and worry but compared to where we have been at the moment it’s ok. I’ve realised that I have to keep the worry in check I actually am more worries about my 10 yr old who hasnt got any friends or playdates thanks to judgy middle class mums who have gossuped about my eldest son and my situation.

Anyone who says how cld she kick him out hasnt walked in my shoes…but the negative affect of addiction on the wider family is still present.

I am so grateful for the support on this page because I know I wld be forever blaming myself what awful mum I am yet I know none of us on here have done anything to deserve this.

The system needs to change this is all a product of poor mental health but as soon as drugs and alcohol are thrown into the mix noone seems to want to help.

So imagine dragon there is hope and you must hope as sadly with addicted live ones that’s all we sometimes have to cling onto.

My son is only 23 and when he was 19 like you I never thought he wld change. Just keep hoping and praying.

Joanie I hope u feel better soon I had basal cell last summer..let’s face it we have enough to deal with without anything else! Focus on you.

Lindyloo I feel I’ve known your situation for a while along with other regulars on this thread..a year is fabulous enjoy everyday of peace. Well done to your son!!

[bump22]

It’s a shame that more than one of us feel the same pain but thank goodness that this forum exists to make us realise that we arnt alone and we arnt bad people.

It can happen to any family.

I dont think I will ever get over the pain we have gone through and the fact my son seems mentally changed forever.

I have no relationship now with my son on the rare occasions we speak he ends up erupting over something then blocking me for weeks. The last time all I did was ask how he was doing….his paranoia kicked in and he accused me of spying g on him.

Very sad. U had no choice to kick him out which he hates me for but I know that I did right by my ten year old which counts.

[bump22]

Sorry for not posting for a while.

I have read all ypur posts and just feel for everyone so much what we are going through.

Sometimes I just am too emotionally drained to write back.

It is domestic abuse what we go through and so much more support shld be out there for as you’ve e all said the real victims us!

I know addiction is a disease and it changes people but so much of what we go through is far worse than the addict.

Penny paint that smile on and be there for your grandchildren as we need to protect the innocent ones.

So many times I’ve just got on with things painted that smile on and plodded on when underneath I’ve been a wreck. But I’m glad I did it.

I really feel now I have PTSD from what I’ve gone through.

I dont sleep and I’m a anxious mess. My son is dry atm hes still not nice to me but at least atm hes dry and drug free but the emotions and worry and stress remain.

After the first relapse I realise I can never fully relax it’s a black cloud ever present. But I count my blessings he is alive and doing okish.

[Author]

Posts