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Hi there I hope your managing to enjoy tenerife.
I can relate to you being called by your son whilst on holiday.
My husband his stepdad is really supportive but some days cant beleive how much I am bombarded by calls which normally involve my son asking me for something.
Fortunately I havnt been given an ultimatum. What about if you agree to only speak and see your son when your husband isnt around? Not in a secretive way but say ok I get that his calls and his situation is getting in the way of our relationship from now on i will only speak and see him when you’re not around. And I wont speak to you about any of it either…maybe that cld be a compromise. Then tell your son what his situation Is doing to your relationship and also say I’m only going to pick up your calls etc at certain times as its affecting my life. On holiday tell him you wont pick his calls up he will have to deal with life like a grown up and block his calls for 2 weeks.
I dont know if that wld work? it also means your saying I have a life and I refuse to be on call 24/7 including holidays.
I actually blocked my sons calls on Monday as it was interfering with my job and stressing me.
I think it’s ok to see boundaries. I also wldnt be able to cut off completely as I would worry.
Its positive your son has started a job that’s not easy at the moment and he is trying to sort himself.
Keep strong xx
thanks L, im so pleased your son is doing well. and yes hope the silence is a good thing for all.
im glad your prayers are being answered.
I hope my son stays on the straight and narrow and that he starts to see things properly.
Bumpx
hi ladies how is everyone and how are things?
ive had a good week…..compared to most weeks anyway.
However my son has taken to calling me about ten times a day.
sometimes its ok but most of the time its quite stressful, he sounds pretty good in as much as hes sober and not on drugs and so holding a conversation together but alot of it is constantly asking me for money and to help him out in some way or another. Ive just had a call from him which resulted in him being angry and aggressive because ive been holding my ground on paying things like his phone or contact lenses direct debits and he just errupted.
He has no sense of standing on his own two feet and thinks we shld be supporting him. hes 21 for goodness sake and has bled us dry. Ive already shelled out enough this week. i feel like a bad mum that hes turned out how he has, he blames me for everything, sorry ladies he ruins my days ive just blocked him today as i just cant bare the negative imoact it has on me.
sorry rant over.
hope you have a good sunday.
great news jenny .
lets pray we all start going in right direction for a bit… but boy isnt this a rollercoaster
my son popped round as his replacement bank card had been delivered here following his mugging.He was sober and drug free and spoke nicely to us spoke to him about the rehab place he cld try and seemed willing.
I think saint jude may have been listening my son is sober and functioning at least so far today and council have agreed to put him up somewhere for a few days or until hes got something else sorted..so am hoping this works out. I can now go away for the weekend and relax a bit. Xx
Sometimes I feel that people must think how can she do this to her son and see him on the streets. But I get my strength to do it from the fact I have to protect his.much younger brother. We cannot have him in the house it was becoming scary for us and just was unbearable. We had shielded my youngest from all of it as we are fortunate enough to have a large house and just generally staring put lives in a way we cld avoid situations when my youngest was awake and in the house. But that turned a corner and we cldnt risk his emotional wellbeing and so his choices have were to change his behaviour and have a house and free food but you cant reason with him and so we had to kick him put luckily he for the supported living but within weeks his behaviour their saw him kicked out. He is now homeless due to his own fault. It kills me knowing this but when I’m low I think of my younger son and how happy and safe he is and that is what is important. I cant say I’m really enjoying life and this week has been particularly traumatic but I have to stay strong for my other son and my husband . I hope rock bottom for my other son is now as I cannot see how it cant be but hes so drunk all the time hes not really able to see it at the moment.
I dont have any advice really but totally relate to what ypuve said.
I’m also told he has to reach rock bottom and am gradually getting better at tough love but it kills me each time and makes me ill.my son is homeless at the moment as I’m having to take a stand. I thi k your son is emotionally blackmailing you saying he is going to kill himself. Reach out for yourself and get counselling anything to help you stay strong
Yes you must put yourself first ivy. I’m not surprised you have been pushed to that point.
You have done so amazingy well. Funny but I havnt looked at other threads I think I posted and just reply to what comes in my email so have got to know the ladies on this thread. So many of us out there.
Stay in touch on here. It was nice to hear from you even I’d we are in a not great place with our lived ones addictions
ivy you havnt hijacked our post its for everyone and so feel free to post we are all on here to listen and support.
i actually struggled to know what to write back to you as i cannot beleive what you have been through and on your own. it seems to make it so much worse to not have that support . And so this forum is so important for you to feel free to use and gain any support you need.
You have really been through it, which drug is your son on?
Will the restrictions and this 2nd wave of covid give you a reprieve?
such a shame for you that you got him a rehab place and he didnt show.. i can relate to that to a degree with what happened with me getting the suported living which he threw away…although there really wasnt much support.
Has your son reached any point of rock bottem?
Big Hugs you are amazing to be surviving this. Keep strong.
It’s funny because I’m on a what’s app with a group of mums and when we were in full lockdown and cld only go for one walk we used to make ourselves feel better by looking at how bad everyone else recycling was!
One day my friend was so embarrassed she told her husband to keep back half the bottles as she was too embarrassed to put out for everyone to see but after her walk they decided it was fine as everyone else were just as bad!
lol….funny at least we still have our sense of humour!!!
yes its bloody freezing where i am ..
i will put my wine jacket on and ease the stress…….lol joining my son a bit too much these days with the stress my recycling bin looked like we’d had a party this week!!
just wrote a long message on here and it deleted by accident which just about sums up my life!!….im almost so over my sons situation at the moment he was drinking at 9am and have yet to secure any accommodation.. had a nightmare day trying to juggle my job and sort and scuze my french his crap out!!
he still has no accommodation …and is doing nothing to sort it as he is just drunk all the time.
my husband and i even thought of getting finance to pay for rehab but after a few phonecalls we had a reality check as we wld be wasting our money if hes not ready to seek help for himself.
Ive given him loads of numbers today and he has done nothing even my sister risked taking him for some food and getting him to do it and now i’m scared as he’s been unwashed and rough sleeping cld have passed her covid and she cld pass that to my mum as she lives there.
i literally don’t know what more i can do…i’m half prepared for him to knock on our door tonight as hes lied that he has somewhere and i called the friend who said no.
Sad as it seems i half want him to get ill and admitted to hospital so at least he can get sober and maybe wake up to himself.
Sorry ladies i’m having a rant, cant beleive i have a son who has a drink and drug addiction and is sleeping rough.
Hope you all have had nice days and your sons doing well.
xx
Thanks.jem big hugs x
Ladies lovely reading your posts and agree we are lucky to have this thread because we can be there for when times are bad and give support and equally gain encouragement from when things are good.
I have just got home from dealing with more issues with my son he hasnt stopped drinking for days and slept rough last night.
His friends went searching for him while I was at work and found him with crack heads on sutton high street they bundled him in a car and got him closer to home. He is in a terrible state I got them to call paramedics but he refused to go to the hospital. I’ve made phone call upon phone call and managed to get him an emergency night in a travelodge paid for by the council.
I’ve also spoken to a place that is as close to rehab that I can find and is funded by council benefit..if I can get son to stay off drink and drugs long enough for an assessment and to stay off it as he needs to have been clean for a month he cld get a place but alot of iffs.
Hes in the worst state I’ve seen him and isnt thinking straight at all he has decided the crack heads are his friends.
All his real friends have turned into lovely young men and really care about him.
If it wernt for covid I know they wld take him in but they cant.
I hope and pray we get so.ewhere tomorrow as I feel like I’m on the brink of a breakdown. I’m supposed to be taking my younger son for an activity weekend this friday but with all this going on it feels ruined.
I really am feeling utter despair today. I cant beleive how we have to fight for any help.