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Jem isnt it hard when ypur get that little piece of normality only to be thrown back into the lions den of addiction.
Februarymarie so sad too when you see other families members who are functioning as it feels.like life is so cruel to have been dealt the card we have.
Nannyger you have been so strong.
We have had the usual crap with my son and I’m pretty certain I have PTSD I wake in the night with a fright thinking of him in various situations.
I’ve managed to find a place that’s for homeless addicts which offers rehabilitation and within a week of my call they have accepted my son. His benefits will cover the cost of it.
However he turned up to meet them on friday and had to be breathalysed and he blew numbers as he had a drink that morning.
So he needs to be sober and clean on Wednesday.
He seemed keen on going but I’m worried if hes committed enough.
He may not get another chance
I had breathed a sigh of relief but he got drunk.last night and we had missed calls at 1.30am…I switched my phone off as it’s too.much. hes been constantly asking for money which again is relentless.
Keep strong everyone I think of you all. Xx
Georgie your post has alot of similarities to me.
I agree with Jems advice but sometimes it can get all consuming and you forget to put it to one side and concentrate on positive things and ypur own well being. Also .y son also had an awful on and off girlfriend she also has issues and always helps get him drugs. She doent like me as she o ly wants to see my sons side of things and frankly she has o self respect anyway so as far as I’m concerned I ignore anything she has ever said.
I’ve been through hell the last few weeks and last 24hrs no different my son was returned back from a off his head expedition to london. He spent the day staggering around the house out of his mind and frankly not really lucid thanks to the drink and drugs hes been taking 24/7.
His near death episode has not resonated with him at all. Ive had numerous conversations with mental health and social services etc yesterday.
But he decided to take himself off to London to beg and get a hostel despite having some money and council accommodation lined up..spent the night worried sick reporting him missing and hearing through one of his friends hed threatened to top himself. My husband got the first train into london and made contact and bought him home.
He was still drinking at 6am and was a state on return.
I have now deposited him At his new bedsit bought him lunch despite having enough in begging money to buy his own.
Hes actually choosing that way of life at the moment and has no thought for how he stresses us.
The accommodation is only for the the current spell of bad weather after that who knows but I cant see him turning it around anytime soon.
I hate to say it seeing him and the state hes in the last few days has turned from pity to anger.
All the services are lined up for him now but he has to engage and do it himself. I’m embarrassed by him and intend to try and relax and enjoy this weekend before the next episode of chaos.
He has been so chaotic this last week I havnt had time to catch my breath. I’ve tickets to the
theatre for my youngest tonight in the west end and am struggling to stay awake ..he is able to ruin everything but I’m going to have to remind myself to be selfish ..or shld I say just look after myself.
I know that this weekend will be no different in terms of what he gets up to but I’m hoping that with it not right under my nose I can shut it out.
I know my son cld do with some.mental health support but even so i find him so selfish. Everything is all about him, a pity party everything is everyone else’s fault. Everyone owes him and he never thinks of anyone else. He has o morals and self respect..begging on tubes for a hostel when he had council bedsitined up so that he can spend his begging money on drink.
A real eye opener to beggars on the street I cant help now but question their authenticity. All the people he duped into feeling sorry for him I’m sorry its just shameful
Sorry to hear that jem. It’s crazy isnt it what they expect of us.
Sorry my thread is littered with typos!!
We have been up all night after my sons overdose last week where new years day was m3 spent next to him in hospital with him inconscious he is now out and back on everything.
Housing have been o help bit despite getting him 2 days in a travelodge he decided in his drug fuelled craziness to take himself into London on the coldest night of the year
Through the help of some randoms in camden we got him back here to safety but ended up called safeguarding g and allsorts of people…from that weve had calls today from Jimmy it mental health and they are tri g ro help sort some sort of accommodation and support..bit I’m still waiting for a call back.
My son is the worst hes been since the beginning g of the year before he got sober.
Hes behaving scuze my phrase..but like a nutcase..total fruitloop..the drugs and drink have sent him crazy again. We cant have him stay here I’ve made that very clear..bit if no housing options the streets in freezing g conditions and him vulnerable to allsorts isnt an option either….there really is no support. My mental state is at rock bottom I’ve had to call into work and take today off as I needed time to make I.portant calls to sort this out.
The life of addict is crap..but at least they spend all their time numbing the pain..its us loved ones that carry the real stress and burden and live their nightmare.
Stay strong everyone..I am holding onto what little hope there is to keep me going.
Welcome to the grp.
My son has now been deemed to have mental capacity and so they have discharged him…to nowhere.
We now cant get hold of him and his sponsor thinks hes drinking…he nearly dies 2 nights ago and collapsed again yesterday…I cant beleive I’m in this situation.
To keep some normality for.my other son we met with some of his friends Samuels today for a walk and I struggled to make.conversation .y mind elsewhere and they have no idea what’s been going on, I though it wld take my mind off things but actually it bought me down.
One of the mums who I thought was a friend and I can trust has clearly been gossiping and before xmas I was being ostracized and my sons playdates turned down.
I know its not him as he just a sweet studious quiet boy and the whole things has come from nowhere I cant beleive that every part of life is affected.
So I really despair I told the nurses very clearly that if he is allowed to leave the hospital the first thing he will do is go and get drink or drugs. And guess what it fell on deaf ears yet again…my son left hospital to go to the shops he came back intoxicated and collapsed and was back in the same situation as last night. After gaining consciousness he remains intoxicated
It was only because I kept trying g to get an update on him that I even found this out!!! Noone called to update me.
The nurse has now done paperwork to say he doesnt have mental capacity and cant leave. He has 3 security guards around him..and whe I called I could hear him kicking off and swearing in the backgrpund
Well we got referred before because of him and I refused to have him back. So he has only been home since september and that was due to him being 8 mnths clean and on track.
I hope they will see that over the last 3 years he has barely lived at home and when he has and played up we got him moved out. Just like this time. We wont tolerate it and I’m sure if they see a timeline of how much he has lived here in 3 years they will see we have always put my ypu get son first.
My son is thriving and a good student. Happy cheerful disposition.
But that said I’m worried sick we are a nice loving family and this just shldnt be happe ing to us.
I dont understand why my eldest is ot getting any support.
so the irony , ive just been to the hospital with some of hi belongings ive made it very clear that my addict son needs support and we cant let him home as i have a younger son that i want to protect.
anyway a really horrid psychiatric nurse who looked at me like something in the gutter has told me that they have done the refferral for my younger son!
teh situation is so messed up, my youngetst is oblivious to his brother addiction we have bent over backwards to protect him and hide it from him. my sole purpose n life over the past few years has been to protect him hence why i have had to kick him out on multiple occassions as soon as i have felt that my youngest could come to emotional harm.
i feel sick with worry now that he has social services involvement. i pray they see we are a nice family and that they dont take him away from us
so the irony , ive just been to the hospital with some of hi belongings ive made it very clear that my addict son needs support and we cant let him home as i have a younger son that i want to protect.
anyway a really horrid psychiatric nurse who looked at me like something in the gutter has told me that they have done the refferral for my younger son!
teh situation is so messed up, my youngetst is oblivious to his brother addiction we have bent over backwards to protect him and hide it from him. my sole purpose n life over the past few years has been to protect him hence why i have had to kick him out on multiple occassions as soon as i have felt that my youngest could come to emotional harm.
i feel sick with worry now that he has social services involvement. i pray they see we are a nice family and that they dont take him away from us
Sorry to read these stories the abuse we suffer is unreal.
My son left the house on new years eve doped up on valium.
We kept trying to get hold of him and finally a police officer answered his phone he had been found y them and wa in a bad way Nd said I shld come to him as hey have called an ambulance.
I arrived to find him unconscious on the floor with 6 police officers.
Ambulance took an age…a 2 hr wait for a ambulance round our way!
I then spent some time in an ambulance with them trying to stabilise him in some way..I thought as he want I initially blue lighted he was ok.
They then took him to hospital and I followed in my car.
I was put in the same relatives room I waited to hear my dad had died in so that really pushed me over the edge.
When I kept asking for an update I was told he had a 50/50 chance and wasnt in a good way. They were reviewing putting him in a and e. They let me into his room to be with him no signs of responsiveness and so did a brain scan. After many hrs he opened his eyes for a few seconds and then again and said I love you.
Then back to unconscious after a while of this and me knackered I came home and theh said they wld update me they didnt but allowed my son to call me…I shldnt be surprised but he actually kicked off on the phone! Totally berserk at why he was in hospital.
I have told the drs we cant allow him home because of his brother and obviously us as he needs to have supported living.
So let’s see if years s of seeking support so far has been futile.
My son has just called again..talking about discharging himself.
So another happy start to the new year…
To the lady who said your son says you need therapy…he is gas lighting you..its a form of emotional abuse. Our addicts love doing that to us.
I hope everyone here is coping ok since Christmas.
Since christmas day my son has been drinking and last night we dropped him to the cinema and at 3.30am when I woke up he wasnt back…he eventually turned up at about 4.30 and clearly has taken drugs. Hed also decided in his drug induced madness to take the charity shop donations and bow his room is full of a out 5 massive bags of other peoples crap.
He kept us awake all night and this morning when I popped my head round his door he woke and started being aggressive..eyes like saucers…he kicked off at me and so we have made the decision to just all leave the house and come out for the day.
So advice please.. we have tried to kick him out…we were successful before in getting him housing but so far he keeps coming back.
I dont want him on the streets but we cant live like this and we have a young child we are desperate to protect.
Now.my son is 22 do I have any responsibility to home him? Can I get I trouble for kicking him out?
I worry because when hes off his head he .makes himself very vulnerable.
Does anyone have any experience ce with adult social services as an option?
Does anyone know what options I have and if I have any legal responsibility to him.
I’m also thinking of my young son. He cant grow up like this. And my husband and I who already are discussing divorce will ha e breakdown s if this continues.
Jem.your message appeared while I wrote..I will have to look at the 12 steps. I may try the meetings for family members..has anyone else been?
Oh nannyger I’m so sad for you.
I think your right about trying to compartmentalise his issues but as we know it’s easier said than done. But we all have to try.
My son has been drinking since boxing day. He came back drunk yesterday and then flipped I to bed when he woke he said he wasnt going to drink….. it of course today he has now come.home and collapsed into the fast food he bought.
Weve left him there …we are fortunate that our house is large enough to distance my youngest he is unaware of it all sitting eating g pizza watching a movie in another room.
I hope when my other son wakes he just heads to his bed and sleeps it off.
It is the constant presence that is so depressing..even when I’m out and “enjoying” myself it’s never far from my mind.
I try to take positives from it where I can…so today I spent quality time with my younger son and because my addict kept till midday and then went out most of the day was peaceful.
Love to all of ypu and just hang on in therexx
I hope everyone had a good christmas yesterday or at least as good as it can be.
My son who we ended call police on last week when he relapsed as we refused him enter to the house. We tried to stand firm but he then threatened to kick the door down when we then gave in he came in and was kicking off…i called the police but wish i hadnt as my son then said that it was me!!! Although they removed him from the house he has told me that apparently they said they a doing a referral to social services…I dont know if I’ve actually done anything thing wrong not allowing a 22 year old grown man who is an addict into the house? We were trying to stand firm.
I hope that they see we are just trying to stand up and stop enabling his behaviour and protect my youngest.
Anyway after a horrific week we did let him home after a couple of days I hoped he wld see what he was doing but he came back very angry and continues to drink.
We had no alcohol in the house for christmas but smuggled some and hid it in the garden to have a glass when he went to his room!!
I have to say though we had a lovely day in the end my son engaged with the family and was lovely..I wish he was like it everyday.
He said though he has decided hes not going to do AA until the new year and has plans to go drinking etc with friends..sadly we know where this ends.
I have to take the positives and that yesterday which is the day i was dreading him ruining actually turned out well.
And for that I’m grateful. My youngest had a fab day and even my husband and I put our differences to one side.
So I hope that all you have some positives from yesterday even with this awful addiction of these hanging over us.
Kate I know how hard your first Christmas would have been, I thought of you. I hope you managed to have some nice time with the rest of ypur family.
Xxx