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So sorry reading these threads.
My son relapsed and had been sober for 4 weeks but weve had nothing but abuse his me talk state means every hr we dont know what we are goi g to get but mostly its volatile and aggression.
My husband and my relationship has been tested to its limit and last week my husband and me I guess said we are going to divorce..I’ve been in bits and last night my son went put and hasnt come back which is a very bad sign as this is his usual pattern when he falls off the wagon.
It’s just more stress we do t need.
Ifonly I know it’s sad that you feel like you are throwing away 28 years but I met with a girlfriend yesterday to talk about my marriage and whilst I’ve been hurting that I’ve wasted years with him she put a positive slant on it and that is rather than you saying your throwing away 28 years try looking at it as you are not throwing away anymore if your life.
The next 28 years can be positive for you with lots of wonderful possibilities.
If my son comes back in a state I’m going to have to think about kicking him out. I’m bot going to let him ruin another xmas and want my 9 year old to remember er xmas as it shld be.
Lindyloo that is so good to hear..I will focus on what can be achieved and try bot to focus on the negatives.
I’m plsed u can see progress in your son. As u say they can never be complacent.
Sorry for my rants…I come here as a safe place to share and i hope i dont offend anyone when the anger and hurt take over.
I think the long covid and having had it recently wiped me out of energy and as we know the stress of our situations does drain us normally.
I need to focus my mind on positive things and not let it get to me.
Thanks all for your kind words and positive stories
Thanks for all your support.
I think when we say its waring g thin we all know it’s an understatement. I’m sure all our nerves are shattered.
I just dont know if it will ever get better..I feel personally ike we flit from utter chaos to just chaos.
Im Demoralised (putting it mildly) by the fact even off substances that my son is frankly still a nightmare.
A never ending nightmare of abuse.
Sometimes when the term disease is used I despair..who labelled this self inflicted problem as a.disease.?
All i can see that label serves to do is give afficts the right to feel sorry for themselves…a disease is something ypu cant control.
By giving an addict this excuse gives them the green light to use it as a label to continue.
I’m sorry but my son is doing the minimum ..an occasional visit to AA is what weve seen so far hence the agitation and aggression as I’m sure hes craving.
He has ruined the last 6 christmases and now hes ruining it for his younger brother.
Sorry guys I thoroughly dislike my son at the moment and am sick of the pain hes causing the rest of us.
I am struggling as I just never feel happy.
How do u find other threads.?
My son has kicked off everyday this week..yesterday u hid in my room ..today we have been a xmas Santa experience all day..all day he plagued me with calls asking g me to get some vape stuff
.and when I got in and gave it he then kicked off he has followed me around the house swearing and shouting being very aggressive in front of my 8 year old son.
I feel a relapse is on the cards he isnt doing any meetings and is becoming increasingly volatile.
I’ve recently contemplated harming or killing myself as I just cant take this anymore I’m living in a house with a volatile animal we are all scared of him weve tried to ask him to leave again but he kicks off and we are too scared to do anything.
This is hell. I cant even enjoy life when he is off the drugs as what hes done to his personality means he still is intolerable.
Ladies sorry to read these posts.
It really is a struggle isnt it.
I mean if life isnt hard enough juggling an addict can make it feel impossible.
This time 2 weeks ago as my husband just said he was hunting the streets of london for my son this week we have had covid again it seems there is always something.
I feel grateful he has stayed sober now for 12 days especially during covid in the house because as we know when the craving gets toi much I had visions of him leaving the house and then the guilt of knowing he could spread covid and ructions in the house. Of us trying to not let him leave.
Ridiculous as it is I wish I didnt care what the neighbours think but I do care because I have to live in this community I have fellow mums at the school and I often feel ashamed to walk out the door.
I worry what people know and gossip about me..I’d love to be the sort who doesnt give a stuff but I do and mainly as I worry for what impact that cld have on my younger son.
Silly in the grand scheme of things. I feel a failure I find all this has affected my own self worth..I know it’s not my fault and I know I’m a good caring mum but still I feel like an epic failure.
Does anyone else have those thoughts.?
Nannyger thanks for sharing that.
It bought tears to my eyes.
You’ve been through so much.
Big hugs to you I hope that your son has a wake up call and seeks help. I’m sorry for all the pain u have been through.
How is your son februarymarie?
I feel bad saying this because of course I cant say for definite if I caught covid off my son but he did come back from being on the streets arrested etc after his mnth long bender with a slight cough…
Hes actually been fairly kind and asking me alot if im ok..but is also saying “my covid is fine just feels like a cough whereas I’m already feeling breathless… and that he doesnt know what the fuss us about…and i sometimes think this is what erks me the most…the selfishness.
And just maybe if addicts thought of others it wld help..sorry a very simplistic and maybe unsympathetic thing to say but when I was 17 I saved to go travelling g and did voluntary work in a very poor part of south america and I do beleive I learnt alot from that.
Sorry just spurting off how I’m thinking right now ,probably in a bad mood as covid has bedridden me pretty much again and im scared and fed up that it’s quite probable that addiction has inadvertently put me there!
Everyone stay safe get your booster jabs!
Sorry to hear your son has covid.
As of yesterday we have all tested positive in my house
This is my 2nd time and so feel I feel quite rough but hoping as I’m double jabbed I dont get the same breathing issues.
So my son the addict has a nasty cough and hes upset he cant go to meetings now.
I do beleive the 12 steps helps him despite the relapse.
I hope your son gets better soon and maybe this is what cld get him sober and on the right track.
Thanks for birthday wishes.
Not gonna lie might squeeze in a couple more before he returns!
My son tried sertraline but said it didnt help but i think he was expecting g it to give him the same feeling g as the other drugs!
What is propanol?
I have researched hypnotherapy but it does say that anyone with mental health issues shldnt do it and so I worry it cld be more detrimental.
Thanks for birthday wishes.
Not gonna lie might squeeze in a couple more before he returns!
My son tried sertraline but said it didnt help but i think he was expecting g it to give him the same feeling g as the other drugs!
What is propanol?
I have researched hypnotherapy but it does say that anyone with mental health issues shldnt do it and so I worry it cld be more detrimental.
Kate I think anyone wld want answers .
Kate I think anyone wld want answers . Xxx
My sons drugs of choice was mostly ketamine I’m not sure how he took it ..the mixing of everything is terrifying.
My son has long term.memory and bladder issues due to ketamine
It wrecks their bladder makes them feel.like they have constant cystitis eventually too much use cld lead to needed a colostomy bag(think that’s the right term)
My son has actually wished me a.happy birthday and just being driven to a meeting.
After the last few days I cld barely look at him. So let’s see how it pans out. It’s better than the abuse of yesterday but he can change in a second…all parr of the fun of living with an addict.!
I’m pouring myself a glass of birthday wine so I can sneak a drink in while he is out.
I’m afraid I dont know kate.
Debc I’m glad I made u laugh about my smear..made me laugh too!
I persuaded my son to go to a mental.health drop In centre he abused me all the way there humiliated me to the nurses and then abused me on the way back…poor baby he is as everything is all about him being a victim.
I’m so sick.of this self absorbed pity party they are stuck in.
The people who need the help are the families who are I innocent partys in their car crash of lives.
Nxt time he relapses hes on his own uve had enough.