Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Awful kate that you couldnt get an ambulance, i had that when i had covid.
i dont know what to suggest this really is miserable for you. I think and i know this is the hard bit is tough love.
he needs to see that his habit has consequences and all the while u bail him out he wont change.
That said my son is currently clean but still thinks its none of his fault and everyone elses and constantly asking for money has no job.
I really did produce a lazy idiot sadly.
can u get some counselling through local drug services? i had some which helped for me to offload and i also call drugfam too.
Just offloading to a sympathetic ear can help a little bit.
thinking of you.
Debt kate1…its like we are all living the same life in some way or another.
I have come to bed early. I dont sleep most nights but if i come and pull the duvet over my head I hope to block it all out.
I was staring at a picture of a family holiday shot on mybhusbands side of the bed years ago when my eldest was my now youngest age….I dont recognize the woman I was ..happy wrinkle free and no idea what was ahead. I don’t feel the same person. Makes me feel sad.
Anyway as has been said tommorow is another day…I hold strong that tommorow is going to feel better.
Good night ladies and hope u all sleep and have good days tommorow.
Kate I’ve also blocked my son he rang to ask for money.
Its so hard
He is clean and i know he isnt using as he has to be clean to stay where he is living. The money is just him unable to budget and seeing g is as the people to constantly help him.
I told him that I am hurt by the way he only calls for money or help and kicks off for when we say no. He said he feels resentful to me for kicking him out. When u tried to explain that his behaviour caused us to make those decisions he wont accept it I have now blocked him again.
The stress has put so Much pressure on my marriage not that i can totally blame my son. This weekend I’ve felt pretty low. I think the adrenaline of the chaos of the last few yrs has kicked in..hes now off drugs and drunk but his personality remains quite nasty and that I am finding difficult ..I guess i hoped and dreamed off drugs it wld be nice calm and I’d have the perfect son ..how naive of me.
Weve come back from a weekend away early god knows if my marriage will survive!
Kate if u need to switch him off u have to to look after yourself.
I honestly feel now at the end of my tether.
Thanks jem and lindyloo long covid is up and down but mostly going in the right direction.
Still get very worn out and breathless.
Kate my son thinks I’m the worst ever but he did lose everything in a way he never even got a job dropped out of uni was on the streets at one point and then beaten up..hard but I do think getting to that low point has meant he has been clean for 3 mnths. So in answer to ypur question u certainly think that having g structure is good in one way but when his addiction makes him lose it that maybe the point he realises he has to stop?
Who knows but either way it is torture for us.
Thanks jem.
Sometimes you need to hear from someone else that your doing the right thing.
It just feels relentless…I think like his brain adjusting to the real world it will take time for me to stop being so stressed and on such high alert all the time.
As soon as he even suggests coming g to stay I feel so stressed.
hi ladies sorry for the delay to replying to the recent posts.
So sorry of the pain you are going through.
So to all tense and purposes I should be feeling better than I am about my sons situation. He is now 3 mnths clean and I am very proud of him for that and have made sure to tell him so, however he still treats me and his stepdad with such disresepect and unkindness especially if we say no to anything.
We lent him £50 at the beginning of the week and was promised that the next day he wld be able to access some money hed saved t opay us back……guess what…… yes
..have now been told it wont be until his next UC payment in a mnths time as he has spent his money.
So depsite being clean some of the issues still continue.
Where he is staying as part of a programme only lets them out at the weekend i told him last week we would not be arounfd this weekend. Today he calls and kicks off when i say he cant stay, the problem is he has history of breaking stuff, leaving stuff unattended in the oven, not locking up and leaving fridege and freezer doors open and so my husband dont want to go away and be on edge.
He has said that i am controlling and always try t control him….It upsets me that us having boundaries like saying no or not letting him live here when he was taking drugs or not always giving in to his demands is seen as controlling.
in fact we feel controlled by him, knowing if we say no to anything that he kicks off.
But i feel upset that where he stays hes actually telling the staff that I am controlling when all we are doing is trying to as much as possible stand up to him.
Does anyone else have this?
I feel so bad that we are now at a place where it looks like he is starting to turn things around and has been off substances the longest in a few years and i should feel happy and relaxed especially as so many of you are still having loved ones abuse their substances but still I have this stress and unpleasantness from him.
IHe makes me feel like the worst mum but yet I cant have him here every weekend as he always starts conflict and it will ruin evryone of my weekends if we allow him to.
Am i being unreasonable hes 22 yrs old?
Mrs.B I feel like I cld have just written that in particular this morning when I was considering writing a letter to my son.
He has been clean for 3 mnths but still treats me like dirt.
I have nothing left and my nerves are shattered by him.
We let him stay a couple of nights ago and first thing in the morning he kicked off.
Despite that he has asked again if he can stay tonight..calling me first thing..I was I the middle of prepping for a interview today and because I didnt instantly say yes he kicked off again..and he wonders why I hesitate!
He maybe clean tan of drink and drugs but his personality and treatment to us as a family remains disgusting.
He thinks I’m a bad mum for not wanting to see him but the reality is he is only using us for free food and convenience of seeing his friends locally.
He never chats to us or soends quality time and his very presence in the house makes me I’ll.
I’m struggling and worn out with my long covid but of course he doesnt see that.
Of course I’m pleased he has come 3 mnths off substances but I’m still sad and distressed at his treatment to me in particular.
The years of stress and worry have taken its toll and I’m sorry but i cant cope with him anymore.
I’m constantly told love the addict and hate the addiction but what i see is even without the addiction he just is a very selfish and unpleasant person.
Sorry guys but it destroys me that all the worry and everything g we have gone through which has really pulled me down and made me a shadow of who i once was and he doesnt even appreciate it. Worse still treats us so badly.
sorry to hear what you are going through asadmum, sadly most us know what you are going through.
I totally get you blaming yourself as I did too, but ive got to a place where i realise i did not in any of my parenting cause him to be an addict.
Its not a parents responsibility to see and act on any eventuality especially when he would have kept alot of it secret, how cld u possibly have known.
see if you can get some support for you externally lots of local drug and alcohol services offer support and counselling etc to families going through what we go through. just having an outlet to share what you are going through.
I had counselling through a local service which helped…yes it doesnt wave a magic wand but it will help with your own mental state.
ive also had alot of support through drugfam who have a hotline you can call to speak to someone.
also through those services you can find out about support for your son, although your son will have to reach the point he does want to engage first.
I was also terrified of my son and his unpredictable ways and ended up telling him to leave.
you have to have boundaries and even though we went through yrs of hell before i did so i do believe it has been the right decision.
my son has been clean so far for 3 mnths although still is unpredictable with his mood swings but we are getting somewhere.
just hold on in there and put your own mental state first when you can.
i wish i cld say more positive words and advice but seriously just remind yourself you did not create this problem you can offer solutions but until he wants to engage ……just put yourself first .
Take care
Thanks for that jem. I think I have forgotten who my old son was. I’m glad you had that time.
So upsetting isnt it seeing our sons in such a state. Big hugs.
I dont do tik tol so is there something g on there for them to follow re recovery?
So upsetting isnt it seeing our sons in such a state. Big hugs.
I dont do tik tol so is there something g on there for them to follow re recovery?
ladies lots of kind words here.
FebruaryMarie welcome …sorry like the rest of us we have this shadow over you.
we have to believe that the sun will shine brighter at some point.
big hugs all xxx
Oh Lindy loo feel free to vent that’s what this is for.
So frustrating for you. I empathisize with the whole situation of your son wanting to blame someone..to me with my son everything g is everyone else’s fault. And let’s face it it’s not until they realise its them and they are the common denominator that they can turn things around.
Let’s pray he doesnt get wasted as much for your sake as his.
My son has said he hates his new residential place..his exact words were ..everyone here are idiots..always everyone else..hes looking for excuses to leave here I know it and so worried hes goi g to blow it.
Keep strong lindyloo xx
Oh Lindy loo feel free to vent that’s what this is for.
So frustrating for you. I empathisize with the whole situation of your son wanting to blame someone..to me with my son everything g is everyone else’s fault. And let’s face it it’s not until they realise its them and they are the common denominator that they can turn things around.
Let’s pray he doesnt get wasted as much for your sake as his.
My son has said he hates his new residential place..his exact words were ..everyone here are idiots..always everyone else..hes looking for excuses to leave here I know it and so worried hes goi g to blow it.
Keep strong lindyloo xx
Hi everyone sorry I havnt posted for a while.
I feel so sad reading these stories and what everyone is going through and the frustration. Lindyloo the frustration of being turned away from the dr un believable but at the same time so beleivable!
My son is now in a residential place its not rehab but as close as we can get it’s full of young lads whose lives need turning g around and they need to be drink and drug free so for the first time in years my son is drink and drug free and has been for 6 weeks. He is even doing his driving theory so for the first time in a long while doing something positive.
But as we all know the road to recovery is long and rocky and I am under no illusions!
I often wish I cld do something somehow to raise an awareness to government about our issues and so young people have intervention before these addictions take hold. In my opinion that is what is needed and is a mental health problem.
Schools shld have mental health specialists. Sorry I’ll get off my soapbox.
Lindyloo has your sons dr ever referred him to local drug and alcohol services?