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Oh dear Hunni, your post made me extremely sad… I know it’s hard, cause I’ve seen it first hand….but with the right help you can stop your addiction..the fact you have come on here speaks volumes…good luck, and we are all behind you..you can do it..speak to your doctor if you can, and get some support xxx
Hi welsh spark….please see if there’s a support group near you, for you..it really makes a difference…,stay strong and know that your decision to stop enabling him is the right thing to do for him….hugs x
Hi Ruth, it’s hard watching a loved one go down the recovery road…at first we are extatic that they have made the decision to get help….we have high hopes everything will be plain sailing and the addiction will be gone for ever…what I have learned is, no matter how much we want it for them, they may relapse, but support is essential…it isn’t plain sailing, so getting as much help as possible is essential. My son has been in recovery for over 7 months now..3 relapses, and I literally held my breath over xmas, because he had 7 days off work….if something upsets him, his addictive reaction would be to get high…now he has to work hard at dealing with “life” without alcohol and drugs! Recovery in my opinion is a life choice, because I see the struggle he has every day trying to steer clear of his addiction. Well done to your BF , and if he can try and get added support from his doctor, support groups, family, counsellors….good luck xxxxx
Oh dear sounds like you have had a few years of stress.. I remember speaking to FRANK and have to agree, they were useless…never felt more alone..I too enabled my son, thinking I was helping, but Infact I was adding to his addiction….please please please understand one thing Hunni, it is your son who takes drugs, no one makes him..I use to say the same thing, how niave was i? Until I realised my son was and is responsible for himself…..my son lied, stole, was aggressive and we put up with it for far too long…the day I to,d him to stop contacting me until he was serious about getting help, was the best thing I could have done as his mother..it half killed me not knowing where he was, or what he was doing, but his behaviour was making me ill…..he’s in recovery, and yes he has relapsed afew times but I know nothing I say will change his mind…it really is down to him! Addiction is bloody awful, but many forget about those close to the addict…stay strong,and please stop bailing him out…….hugs xxx
You have every right to keep your son safe..it seems to me that your ex is down playing his role with drugs…it’s good that he sees his son, that really is important. Set ground rules, stick to them and encourage your ex to get help…..good luck
Happy new year Rob…..it’s hard when our kids start making decisions for themselves that we know can end in trouble…you know first hand how destructive drugs can be, however your sons haven’t….try talking to them , and get some added support for yourself. Unfortunately they will get help when they are ready…the biggest thing is to keep lines of communication open when ever possible….I’m not saying accept it, and one thing I did with my son, was stop enabling, and when he used drugs/alcohol he was not welcome in the home…set your boundaries..good luck x
Hey hun, we missed you…..come on, you know that the words he says are because he knows he has messed up. It’s bloody hard for them to stay clean, cause what’s going on In their head eats away at them…if he chooses not to have xmas dinner with you, so be it….it’s his way of making you guilty…but don’t! Have your xmas, try and enjoy it, and well done for stopping enabling him….merry Xmas hun xxxx hugs..your son and all those suffering are in my prayers..xxxxxxxx
Hey Hunni….relapse is part of recovery, sad fact is most addicts in recovery relapse….this time of year for some reason is a worry for those on recovery,more so…I imagine he will be so angry at himself,but it’s important to support more…it doesn’t mean he will go back..I’m praying he has the strength to continue on his road to a drug free life..I sincerely hope you have that Christmas you so deserve…hugs xxx
NJ ignore these so called Drs,cause only your husband can set the ball of recovery rolling …the icarust trust have given you some good advice…firstly get support for you and your kids..your husband is an addict and his actions are that of an addict…there’s no quick fix, he has to want to get the help….and that’s the hard part..please talk to someone Hunni, your kids deserve that,and so do you….good luck x
Hey mother of an addict….all your fears were my fears,all the negative bull that comes with an addict were in my life too,and it took me a while to get my head round the fact that I was adding to his problems….I was constantly saving him,enabling him…giving him a room, after he lost the flat WE helped him get, we furnished, we substadised his bills….saving him, by giving him money, we never got back, making excuses and burying our heads….he too has a small child, and it was then I realised his life was far from normal…I got support, read everything I could and realised his addiction was eating away at our family, I worked with his ex, and we decided he could only see his child when not under the influence of anything…then I kicked his ass out,and told him until he was ready to get help I was done…not easy, in fact as a mother I felt I was letting him down..I stopped giving money and told extended family the same….so he had no one to lie to, he then did 6 weeks in prison and I had no contact,other than letters..they all said the same…make the choice.! I’m a real believer that it has to come from them, life changing decisions…and it’s not easy, ….so he got himself a counsellor, then a job, and rang me….he is back in our lives..has relapsed afew times, cause addiction isn’t a fairy tale..recovery is hard work, and it takes real willpower..when he thinks he may fail, he rings, we talk, he speaks to the professions. His support network is his doctor, counsellor, psych councellor, his boss at work, and ofcourse his family…he will always be in recovery,but as time goes on he is making better decisions….I am learning to trust him again,it’s hard, but I love my son and want him to have a great life …it’s not. Uch to ask,but for an ex addict it’s enormous just to get through the day….you must get yourself support,and realise as parents we can’t make those changes for them, they have to want it! Letting go is hard, but in our case I wish I had stopped enabling sooner! Hugs xxx