Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Hey Rosie, you must feel so devastated, but you have done the right thing for now…..being around an addict is extremely hard, and their addiction is all that is important to them. He has got clean once so can do it again, but it’s his fight! Please source out support groups for you….that was my lifeline, and coming on here..it made me stronger, and more able to cope.knowledge as they say is power…hugs Hunni xxxxxxxx
Please Scanner, go Friday, and change the injunction…I know it’s hard, but your mum and you do not deserve what he is putting you through…addiction is cruel, and addicts simply cannot help themselves….prayers to all those effected by this horrible illness x
Oh Hunni, I’m glad you have found an opening to speak to someone…..you need to take care of you, that’s the first thing, as for your son, wanting to change has to come from him, and that’s the hard part..it’s a waiting game…..for over 4 years I’ve known about my sons addiction , made excuses…..not any more….I’m happy to support him all the way whilst he tries to overcome his addiction…it’s long haul, but I’m not naive to think it will be all,plain sailing…..
Hugs to you Hun, and good luck to you..I really hope in time your son will ask for your help xxxOh Hunni, it’s so hard to live with…..I know that feeling all too well….is there anyone who can support you? Dealing with an addict on your own, especially when they are desperate for cash is frightening…..I know that some parents who couldn’t cope anymore sought help from police, but I’m not sure you want to do that….I was constantly walking on egg shells and in the end made him leave…..he didn’t like it, but it was the last option, and I hate to say it,, but it was the best thing for both of us…..I stopped helping him in every way while he was drinking and doing drugs….worried myself sick, but there was no other alternative…..he hated me at first, but I stood my ground. It’s not the solution for everyone, but it was the right decision for our family xxxxx
Hi Gill, I’m sorry you feel so alone…..I too felt like that, until I spoke to a friend who is a police officer….believe it or not, he arrested my son prior, but doesn’t judge..he gave me some useful local numbers which I rang…one was a support group for parents: partners etc….it was a godsend…..I learned so much about my behaviour and how it impacted on my son making things far worse, when all I wanted to do was help him…also coming on here I have learned, cried at others stories, but it has made me stronger and I feel able to cope better. My son has had 2 relapses in just over 10 weeks….he really wants to get well, but the addiction sometimes takes over…it’s almost like a reaction for him, …if something goes wrong! He now has to build on different strategies to dealing with stress etc…..the biggest thing is, he had to want to do it..no amount of tslking, help from others will change his mind…he has to want to change…when that time came for us, we rallied round, still do, supporting him…it’s bloody hard, and everyday is a battle….he started a new job 5 weeks ago, his supervisor is an ex addict, so understands, and has taken him under his wing….he works hard, does loads of overtime which occupies his mind….but it’s not over by a long shot…..his addiction lives with him daily and always will…..try and find some support for you Hunni xxxxx
Addiction touches all lives regardless of how we are bought up…..I hate it, hate seeing my son try and fight it daily…..my heart breaks every time he has made a bad decision, I see how hard it is……I know it was nothing I did …and I have learned a valuable lesson through all this..ALL addicts deserve our sympathy, because it’s like hell on earth from them, for those that love them…..for whatever reason they turned to drugs, I won’t judge them…..so won’t be judging the doctor, the judge, the neighbour, the guy in the squat, the policeman, the teacher, your son, husband or my son…….I continue to educate myself about this terrible disease, and pray my son can overcome this vile illness …….sending hugs to all xxxxx
Nathan, how very lucky the love of your life was to know such a loving, warm , caring man….your honesty hits the mark, and I applaud you for it….my son has an alcohol problem…his road to sobriety is a tough one..That and the cocktail of drugs…..every day is a battle….only yesterday he succumbed, then in the cold light of day blamed everyone else for wanting to see him fail….so selfish, but then that’s how it works..Nathan, hold onto the love you shared, grieve in your own time, and never apologise for how you feel. As for my son, well, it’s his battle, and only he can do it..I’m the bystander, who cheers him on when he has doubts, stays away when the beer and drugs kicks in…I’m not heartless, but I won’t enable, and I won’t be part of that horrid life he gets sucked into….I was trying to work out how long he has been sober, and it’s since the middle of July…2 relapses…..I hope he conquers his demons..all I want is for him to be happy, not too much to ask is it? Anyway Hunni, I’m sending you a cyber hug, and the belief that there are people who care….luv to you, and here if you want to talk xxxx
Hi ladies, it’s so hard, and i enabled my son for 4 years..I was weak too, but I’ve seen my son high, irrational, begging for money, finding crap in his room, seeing the boy who I didn’t recognise, and believe me it wasn’t just cannabis , weed, he was taking…..cannabis IMO should be criminalised with massive consequences..cause they start with this rubbish and turn to stronger stuff…..I’ve heard him say he wants to kill himself, hurt someone, he has thieves, lied, done pretty much everything and more….and I helped him…..gave him money, brought him food, set him up in a flat, paid his fines…..thankfully I sought help for me, and got support…and once I made the decision to stop enabling him I stuck to it…it really is the hardest thing a parent can do, but it was the right decision for my family and I, and that includes my son….every day is a battle for those addicts out there..I pray your kids seek the help they need….hugs to all xxx
Hi scanners, oh bless you. You have been through what most of us parents have…stay strong and stick to your guns..as enablers all we do is add to the problem. We all love our kids, but at what point do they start taking responsibility for their own actions, whilst us parents keep enabling? It’s hard, believe me, because I’ve been where you are….the best thing I did was cut him off, and made him aware that if he continued to do drugs then he was on his own….it’s hard, frightening and tiring , but for us as a family was the best decision we made. My son also went to prison for several weeks, and I didn’t visit him at all. It by no means was the wake up call he needed, however it gave him time to stop and think about his shitty life. That was the end of July this year….since then he has made big steps….he got himself a job, sees a counsellor, and has had one relapse….but he’s fighting it, and I truly believe that having us in his life supporting him means more than the life he led on drugs…he just needed to see that. Every day is a battle for him, but he said to me the other day, he feels normal, and likes it….that made me cry…we still have a long way to go, mental health issues need addressing because drugs mess heads up…..continue loving your son, but make that decision to stop enabling and stick to it….hugs Hunni and here if you need to chat xxxx
Oh Sue, I was really worried and hoped things might have been a little better…it’s hard the not knowing, but remember when he is ready to change he will…..we never stop worrying, and god our sons know how much we love and care for them…but addiction is something that steals their whole being, and replaces someone we don’t know..,hang on in there Sue.,,you are a remarkable mother, and don’t forge that …,and you have a wealth of experience on this subject….you and I have lived it for years…..hugs my darling, and prayers for those addicts out there….xxxxx
Susan, so sorry for your pain…as mums we do everything to keep our kids safe, then they make decisions we cannot control….I too have an addict son, who has drained the life out of the rest of the family….I too use to drop everything for him, enable him all the time, but not any more…I just couldn’t physically take any more, so gave him an ultimatum. No contact, help , nothing until he was ready to change….so when the phone went saying he would kill himself, my instinct was to get in the car, but I didn’t….I told him to go away and ring me with something worth hearing….don’t get me wrong, it went against everything I felt, but if simply had it! It took him a couple of months, a small stint in prison for the penny to drop….he is now in recovery, and it’s early days, he has a job, and had 1 relapse, where he was so mad afterwards, he apologised and said I won’t let this best me mum……every day is another step away from his addiction, and a day he can enjoy…please think about how your family is functioning at the moment, and then how you would like it to be, because although it’s hard standing back and not enabling your son, whilst enabling as parents all we do is add to the problem….hugs sweetie, and talk to someone…if not for your son, but for you, because you need the help too xx
Hi jojo…firstly the only person to blame is the person addicted, and addicts love to blame everyone but themselves….and the only person who can really help them is themselves….living around an addict is like walking on egg shells, and the worst kind of living…mainly because you get drawn into their pain,anger, despair! Loving an addict I’d the hardest thing, but there is help for families…just talking to others is a godsend…I found this page around 8 months ago and had just stopped enabling my son…that meant no help at all…no money, not living with us, and only getting our cooperation and support when he made the decision to get help…he has had one relapse in around 9 weeks, started work which he loves, and generally trying to continue on Hispano to sobriety…it’s hard, and heart breaking turning your back on your son, but it gave him the wake up call….he could relapse at any time, but he knows with our support his counsellor and really trying he has a chance….in your case your children and you are what’s important…please think about the effect this will be having on them.”,massive hugs to you Hun, and I really hope he can fight his addiction before it’s too late…hugs Hunni xxx
Lovely to hear from you Fiona…glad you enjoyed your hols…..I’m a little worried about Sue…is there any other way I can contact her? Really hope your boy gets the help he needs……sending love to you xxxxx
Susan enabling is something most parents/partners do, without even thinking about it…..when you love someone so deeply, and see their pain, all you want to do is make or try and make things better, easier, etc….. Once a parent stops enabling it can be a time of sadness……however, it empowers that person too..it has been the hardest decision I have ever made, but I wish I had made it earlier…….it doesn’t mean we are giving up on the addict….
The guilt does eat you up, and plenty have said it was our fault….well here’s a news flash..it’s not our fault…he comes from a loving family, who have always worked hard..shown him right from wrong..and I bet that mirrors your family….I don’t give a flying fig what people think any more…I’m happy in the knowledge that I have done everything in my power to help…all I can do now is support him whilst he is trying to stay clean….you sound like a very loving parent at the end of the road..and that’s ok….only he can change things…and that’s the worst thing about this terrible illness….hugs to you, and here if you ever need to chat….praying for all those addicts out there and families xxx