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Thank you Susan for sharing….will take sone of these ideas away, and utilise with our family, and addicted son working hard to stay clean…..63 days clean with 1 relapse……praying he stays strong and continues learning to live without drugs/alcohol……..
Find a support group and get some help…he is 32 and as such an adult….the hardest thing for us parents to do is stand back and stop enabling, but it was the best thing I did…my son is in the process of turning things around…he has been really trying in the last 9 weeks..even got off his arse and got a job…did 18 hours overtime this week..for us that’s amazing, and because He us trying we are supporting…he had relapsed once , but got straight back on it…and yes we know he could relapse at ant time…..but he. Knows if he goes back, then we remove all the support…it’s his responsibility to heal himself….we can only support….heart breaking but very real! Addiction has to be owned by the addict…you didn’t choose to live it……take real care of yourself and the other children at home ..because they need you as well…..hugs Hunni, and stay strong xxxx
It’s never easy Hunni, and those that judge simply cannot understand the agony families goes through. Don’t concentrate on those, concentrate on you and your family…..I’m no longer ashamed….it’s an illness, that my son is fighting…..and believe me it’s rife..in every town, in every city, on every street…..once I stopped enabling him, making it hard for him, then he had to get to rock bottom…….unfortunate but true…..hugs Hunni and stay strong xxxxx
Hi Maisy….your story mirrors mine….my sons father and I split when he was 3 and his step dad and I have now been together 20 years, with another child who is 14 years younger….we went through 4 years of hell…and eventually after helping with funding him a flat, furnishing it, buying food, paying off dealers, handing over money, having him steal off the family, lying, stealing…we had enough. We told him never to come to the house on or with drugs/alcohol…and when he was ready to get help we would be there…I’ve seen him high, angry, sad, violent, enter prison….I’ve heard him tell me he will kill himself, hurt himself, hurt someone if he can’t have money, and eventually had enough…Ithe whole family cut him off, and eventually he asked for help…he has kept appointments with drug counsellors, the job centre and was clean for 5 weeks..had a relapse for a day, but got back on it and nearly 4 weeks later has got himself a full time job, which he started last week..I’m not saying it’s all rosy, and we know he can relapse at any time…it’s a daily fight for him…but it’s HIS fight..as parents we can only support them on their recovery when they want it.And that’s the hardest part, cause as parents we want to make everything right for them…unfortunately drugs/alcohol take over the person we once knew and leave a stranger in their place…hugs Hunni, and get some support for yourself….just someone else listening and understanding is a great help..honestly…much luv xx
No child should be subjected to seeing a parent being violent to anyone…you have done the right. Thing, and as hard as it is for you, keeping those kids safe is your priority…and keeping yourself safe too! Please try and get some counselling / support for yourself….until your partner wants to help himself, then leave him to it….I am a parent of an alcohol/ meat/ cocaine/ legal highs son…..I have seen first hand how it can effect children…. I made it my mission to make sure my grandson was safe….at the moment had is on the road to recovery and has had 1 relapse in 8 weeks…he has found himself a job, but every day is a struggle and we know that…the biggest change is being there for his son….I hope you continue to find the strength and stick to keeping you all safe…addiction is a horrid illness, that takes away e person we loved, replacing it with a person who lies, steal, and is abusive …….hugs x
So chuffed…he got the job…and did it all on his own….so happy for him….
Hey Ami…I really want to hug you right now…what I’m going to say May not be what you want to hear, but you can’t save him…he has to want to save himself…as a mother of an addict( alcohol and cocaine, m cat, legal highs) I have seen it all….I have cried till I had no more tears to cry, I’ve got angry, I’ve withdrawn…..and their addiction hits you like a brick wall, almost suffocates you…it took me 4 years to firstly admit to myself he had a problem, and then to STOP enabling him and set out house rules…at the moment my son is really trying hard to get his act together…he had a relapse last week, but was so angry with himself after and is back on the road to TRYING to stay sober / clean….and he has my full support…but it has come at a price…prison, family members turning their back, etc….stop enabling him now…and do it today…love is never enough….I’m not saying don’t support him, but addicts manipulate, lie thieve and make those around them feel just as bad….you sound such a caring young woman, who has a great future…unfortunately that future will be a distant memory if you stay with him whilst he is still addicted….cause they suck everything out of you! I hope against hope he values his life enough to want to work at getting clean…it’s a life long commitment! Hugs to you hunny, and do what you think is right for YOU……here if you need to chat xxx
As parents we want to fix things for our kids..but drugs is a whole different ball game…. The lies, the thieving, is their sheer desperation in wanting to get their choice of drug…..stop enabling them because it’s their choice in what they do not the parents… I stopped enabling my son after 4 years of thinking I could help..the only thing I did was add to his problem….be strong and stick to it….xx
Thank you for sharing this with us….I really feel for family, and hope against hope your children get the help they need xxxx
Hi hummi, we know how hard it is, and you are not alone….I feel the pain in every post I read and it makes it all the more real, that we share something in common…..our brothers, sisters, sons daughters, partner, parents are living in a hellish addiction and only they can get out of it with support and help…and even then they need to want it….recovery is ongoing and there is no short cuts…..and there are plenty of addicts who relapse….and then get back on it…..it can be done, however they will know when the time is right…..it breaks my heart to see so many families going through this nightmare…… Hugs Hunni, and stay strong xxx
You are worth so much more…re claim your home , and take the first step…..my son scared me and as a mother that was not what I expected would ever happen….no one should let another person make them feel fearful, …time to help yourself Hunni xxxx
What doesn’t he agree with? Your substance abuse.?
Please seek some support too..There are many parents groups out there….One thing I can tell you, every professional group out there has given me the same advice…stop enabling them…….
Do it, …what parents of addicts forget to do is take care of themselves and their health..Addicts will grind you down, and your life is never the same…living on fear is wrong……I withdrew everything from my son..I stopped enabling him, and stopped all contact…It was the only way I could get through the day…Its hard, and as a mother I want to make things right….that just cant happen, cause the only person to make things right is the addict…and until they want the help, then there is nothing we as parents can do…..Take care of yourself hunni, and believe it or not what you are doing will help your son in the long run..cause once they reach rock bottom the only way is up…..hugs xxx