[crystalvision]

Well i dont think i was addicted, i seemed to be able to stop quite easily when i put my mind to it.But it was definitely a bit of a problem at some point though.

My boyfriend has been on it almost daily for at least 10 years i think. Though not sure.

My friend had to wear a catheter before his bladder was reconstructed.

He must be self medicating to cure inner pain, I think. Maybe try to talk to him and find out why hes using, or a trusted friend of his perhaps.

Addicts are hard to talk to though so be prepared for him to be cooperative. Its so tough.

[crystalvision]

my boyfriend uses cocaine and ketamine and has bladder issues. One of my friends had to have a bladder reconstruction because of it. They say ketamine isnt addictive but it is. I used to use it myself in my younger days because it numbs you and at the same time you feel you can connect spiritually somehow. That was my reason anyway.

But physically its a highly alkaline substance which thickens the bladder so that it can no longer hold urine, a thing called interstitial cystytis.

He needs rehab, but i think ketamine is extremely mentally addictive so he needs to have the personal will for it. Wishing you the best.

[crystalvision]

hey

im sorry youre going through this.

Im in the same boat but luckily no kids and we dont share a home. He has smashed numerous phones, tvs, laptops of mine. Messaged exes throughout our relationship. Lots of being accused of cheating, said I was “loose” down there. Tried to trip me up and steal my house keys, removed my window to get in my house in case I was cheating. Horrible stuff. I tried to help him with counselling and NA meetings but he never kept it up. I left him for 6 months as he was so bad on crack and he moved back to his mothers 15 miles away.

But it never left my thoughts. And I contacted him after he moved back to his mothers believing he was clean as he had started a business. We met a few times and he said he was so happy I was back.

Then I found out he was still using, still ditching me for his drug pals etc. He said Im controlling and hes entitled to the odd blow out. He also says he is fine now as he works etc now. And has been messaging exes again. I flipped out and he said im a psycho with issues.

So here I sit again, mulling it all over, reading these forums. I really feel your pain. I also had an abusive stepdad and basically cold family relationships whenI was young and i think it really affects you so you seek out the love of someone who is incapable of giving it.

He is abusing you in every way. He will never put you before drugs in my own experience. They never change. And you get under a spell somehow the worse you are treated. If he uses drugs 2-3 times a week hes an addict. And he probably lies and uses more. Mine is lovely when hes not on drugs too. But cocaine is very dangerous, be careful as mine has experienced some very serious psychosis and they are very capable of doing you physical harm. And obviously think of your kids, you do not want them in such a dangerous environment. Please be careful and I hope you find the strength to get rid of him from your life and your heart.

There are some terms like cognitive dissonance and codependency you might want to look up.

A good book I read was called Women Who Love Too Much, was helpful but i obviously havent managed to put it into action.

Im also a professional healthcare worker with a degree and my own home, car etc. But still I am not emotionally intelligent enough to break free it seems. Or he lets me go and I cant stand it.

I hope this helps somewhat. Please find your inner strength as I am trying to do. It sounds as though he has absolutely no intention of getting off drugs so you have no chance of a good relationship at this point and you are also in danger.

Best wishes to you xxx

[crystalvision]

thank you. Im getting there.

[crystalvision]

I know that when i first left him, he was bad on it. He uses ketamine heavily too. And now, I dont know enough about his life really to tell. I think he lies. Plus he chose crack over me on his birthday, which says a lot.

I am going to leave him to it.

I honestly don think he wants to stop. He says he gets no cravings anymore because he now takes citalopram which lifted his mood. Would you believe this?

[crystalvision]

He might let you go if you decide to leave him and give him the ultimatum.

It depends how far down the road he is.

Still I think it’s a chance you should take even if it hurts. As he is becoming abusive to you and you cant let that go on.

It will hurt if it doesn’t go how you want but it’ll get better in time and ultimately it’s really something you have no control over.

I’m still in limbo with mine in a way but theres been no contact in almost a month now, its pretty obvious what his choice was.

Life goes on I suppose.

Sorry you’re going through this.

[crystalvision]

Hey I hope you are ok. It’s not you who is messing things up its him.

The lies and worry turn you into a paranoid wreck. Its understandable.

I walked away from mine a few weeks ago and I’m struggling but I’m doing my best to let go.

The way I saw it I thought maybe losing me might make him realize but it didnt work that way.

He is happily taking drugs still and hasnt even contacted me. I don’t think he will now.

It sounds as though violence between you two is escalating and that’s not good.

Honestly until he decides he wants help there is nothing you can do you will just be fighting an endless struggle.

Go somewhere with the kids or tell him he has to go. Keep it calm and civil. Give him a time frame to get help. See what he does. You might not like the result but at least you will know.

[crystalvision]

His friend uses as well, it always gets so much worse when his friends are around. He has known a few of them since his teens, so he didn’t like me trying to discourage him from seeing them. I didn’t like to be controlling either, but I didn’t know what else to do. It didn’t work anyway.

He has terrible paranoia and delusions sometimes due to the cocaine, or even an underlying mental condition..I don’t know. I have called the police a few times when he frightened me. So I know if he doesn’t stop I can’t be around him and risk my safety anyway. I had told him that before but it was soon forgotten by him.

It’s awful when you keep going over things in your head, isn’t it? Like replaying scenarios and wondering if you could have done something to stop it working out that way…

But I guess it’s important for us to remember that we can’t control another person and do the work for them if they don’t want to.

Unfortunately, for the time being, I think mine is a long way from reaching a point where he will stop. But I have hope I suppose.

At least yours is getting help now. You are doing the best thing by backing off, same as I am. It’s hard because we miss them, but ultimately there’s not a lot we can do about the situation.

It is definitely helpful to read around the forums. A lot of other people are having the same experience, drugs don’t discriminate I guess. We can only stay positive for ourselves and hope that things will work out, one way or another.x

[crystalvision]

Hey, thanks for replying.

No, I haven’t tried to contact him. So hes not exactly ignoring me. It was me who stopped responding to him.

He had been working away, and I know he was taking drugs then, he had promised to be home for the anniversary…just kept stalling saying the job wasn’t finished. I understand that he did have a job to do..but he could have gone anytime and chose to go then. So I kind of left it to him to see if he would make an effort to get back, and he didn’t. It seems petty but it was just the icing on the cake as there have been so many incidences.

I have been unhappy for a while but am always forgiving and this time, just felt like it was one more example of how little I mean to him.

Whenever his friends are around him, I barely hear from him. And now he has moved one of them in, he’s probably not even thinking of me. While I have been sat by myself for a week straight now. Guess the solitude is getting to me a bit.

I feel like maybe I was too hasty or overreacted…do you think I did?

I know he hasn’t changed nor is he making any attempt to, so I think its best not to talk. I always feel like I’m being manipulated. But I just feel very confused about how I feel now.

Really sorry to hear about your situation. At least your guy has made a conscious decision to get clean. I think maybe its something they have to do on their own for a while. And if he has been using drugs for 10 years his mind will be pretty messed up at the moment. Hopefully, once he is clean and clearheaded he will see what he has lost and come back. Maybe by then, you will feel like you don’t even want him though. Best of wishes to you.

[crystalvision]

You should make a plan unknown to him and just go. Find somewhere safe to stay for you and your child and notify the police so they’re aware. Ring the Domestic Violence helpline maybe.

You can tell him why etc once you’ve gone via text or email. If he’s in another country right now that should make things easier.

Cocaine is a horrible drug and causes extreme paranoia which can sometimes result in violence.

Be strong and safe, get away from him.

[crystalvision]

Sorry, you are going through this. It really sounds like you need to figure out how to leave this man. I understand how you feel, his behaviour will make you go psycho. Its becoming dangerous if there is now physical violence.

Cocaine makes them paranoid, mine was the same, accusing me of cheating and hiding men in my house etc. That paranoia can turn to violence too, as he may believe his own delusions so much he could attack you.

If you feel like you can’t go on, then you don’t have to.

[crystalvision]

I’m kind of in the same boat as you, although I’m not anymore as I made the decision to walk away. Sorry you’re going through this.

My boyfriend/ex’s drug of choice was cocaine but I guess all addicts behave in a similar way. The constant lies and let downs were getting me down, I think there was some abusiveness as well. I found myself changing as a person because I was always feeling defensive, always upset by him choosing drugs over me, so that affected the way I related to him. It was becoming too toxic.

It was very hard but I just realised I could not continue in the relationship if he did not get help.

I think you should tell him how you feel but he probably won’t listen if he’s anything like mine. The drugs change their brains and I think they lose the ability to empathise.

It sounds like the time has come for you to walk away too. It might even shock him into changing his life, although that’s not very likely. Walking away is probably the best thing you can do for yourself and him. As enabling is not helpful to him either.

You only get one life, think of yourself and don’t waste more time on someone who is making you unhappy and unwilling to change.

Not sure what else to say, I am still feeling lost and confused myself. Good luck with things.

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