[Cyclops]

Thank you Markymark, beginning another day today, number 59 if I keep true to the goal of avoiding codeine. V tired as is normal & sad dreams & feelings upon awakening, but reaching out for cocodamol will not help that much, only dampen the emotional charge, tiredness & feelings will pass as the day progresses, thanks again for the encouragement, honestly didn’t think I’d make it here, was always a one day wonder when quitting in the past but have put a bit of work in & don’t want to blow it all at this stage, good luck & fortitude to all.

[Cyclops]

Hello again, it’s been a few weeks since I posted here, tbh I was a little chastened by a cross-share in response to last post & didn’t feel like returning. One can be quite sensitive @ times especially if you ain’t used to sharing. As things go I’m on day 58 Solpadeine free, which is great but I only got today & tbh I’m still getting those sneaky thoughts of reaching out for a dose, especially if I have a bad day. As someone pointed out “ staying stopped “ is the tricky part, how true & in my case it’s all been hard, stopping & “ staying stopped” etc. I suffer from trigimnal neuralgia & it can be v unpleasant @ times & an excuse to use cocodamol but I had kinda had enough after decades of being a slave to that drug. Something inside just knew it was wrong, the amounts, frequency & money etc & poor me stories to get a Dr’s prescription. I know this is going to be a long war but it’s getting easier & when I do get a compulsive urge, I can play the movie through to the bitter end, I know one use will be more than just one time but thankfully it’s getting easier to think things through & choose a different path than servitude to codeine. Honestly I don’t want to walk back into that jail cell & I know putting that back in my system would be reckless madness. So yeah, staying stopped is a conscious effort but I feel better for it today & hopefully will make it to bed clean tonight. Good luck to you all & thank you for your honesty.

[Cyclops]

Hi, day 40 today free from co codamol, I won’t go into amounts I used or other opioids over a two decade period, I know if anyone is like me it may lead to comparison etc, which in turn can lead to minimising or other things. Main thing is we’re all on the same path, a desire to escape from the corner we slowly painted ourselves into. I understand at 40 days, I’m still just a fledging in terms of kicking this pernicious habit but it’s a start & has involved a lot of discipline & mental resolve. I know it’s a long battle but am willing to embrace the challenge & see what onfolds further down the path. Thanks for all the inspiring & honest shares, they have given me succour during difficult moments when it would have been so easy to take a different course. One day, one hour,  one minute at a time. I can feel a loss at times about codeine, the something missing thing but honestly using that had was to dependency & a loss of control, compulsion & tolerance, a true addiction when all one is doing throughout the day is maintaininglevel of that chemical in the system & panicking when not reaching that, it’s not a great way to live so going to do my best today to try this new cleaner path. Good luck & be kind & thanks

[Cyclops]

Hello again, just checking in. I’m on day 38 co- codamol free today and gradually the persistent voice in my head is fading, the one that shouted loudly ” feed me ” has reduced to a faint whisper but it’s still there when I journal in the morning, of course it has become easier to ignore and if things do become extreme I fall back on some  ‘ urge surfing ‘, which has proved most helpful. Tough day today as I was awoken with hard facial pain at 4am so very tired and tbh I think I often reached out for Solpadeine etc when feeling like this, any mood altering thing really, sugar, caffeine etc  but codeine was always the first go to, to get me away from how I felt be it nerves, upset, anxiety, sadness but mostly tiredness. So a toughy today due to facial neuralgia and lack of sleep, which has scuppered other  plans today, like you Access I kicked drinking a couple of decades ago and also cocaine however this has proved v tricky ’cause with the other stuff you actually start to feel better once you quit, not so with this but as I said it seems to be getting easier. I am all too aware how easy it’d be to fall back into habitual patterns that have not served me so I do my best today to stay diligent and take inspiration from the post I read here and it’s kinda like an accoutbility resource too, if that makes sense. Have a good weekend guys and let’s keep going.  Cyclops

 

[Cyclops]

Hello Harris, hope you are ok? I just registered on this forum a few days ago, it’s all very new for me but I have found the posts in the thread very relatable and inspiring in their own way. Tbh I’m quite an isolater so posting here is a challenge for me and it makes me accountable too in some way too, if that makes sense? Tbh I’m still taking baby steps and trying to make the right decisions for the right reasons. I quit drinking and cocaine over 20 years ago but I find kicking codeine really tough, it’s such a pernicious addiction ’cause I can function in the world while using in fact it feels sometimes as if it helps me function. I know I’m in a battle to challenge myself and not take the path of least resistance but even after just 18 days I feel a little bit more sharp and clear. I’m ok right now in this moment but it’s never too late to do something silly or regretful so I come back here for encouragement etc

Wishing you well no matter how things are going for you today

[Cyclops]

Hey I made it to day 18 ! A milestone for me given this forum. It’s been tough mentally, much harder than I expected. First week, a lot of physical stuff, headaches, bathroom etc but as many point out here the psychological aspect is rough, low moods, listlessness etc & sneaky thoughts about using codeine but where will that get me? Nowhere, back in the endless loop of putting that into my body &  then slowly coming down off that & wanting to take more all through the day, my life revolving around that habit, enslaved ! I’m taking it one day at a time & realise my brain is rebalancing in terms of dopamine etc. Crazy thing is I’m a competitive swimmer, masters level now of course so have other outlets such as training etc & used to use pre & post competition & training so am learning to let go of these rituals I’ve baked into my system over the years. Tbh I need to learn my triggers for using & avoid or adapt/find a new healthier way other than using codeine. Too much screen time, family stuff, work, caffeine, a good day, a bad day, so many triggers but I know the longer I keep codeine out of my body the clearer things will become & I will reach that moment of epiphany when deep down I will realise I DON’T NEED TO DO THIS ANYMORE. This thread has been a great help during my low moments & thanks for support Marky. So day 18 today but it’s just another day & I will remain vigilant  & do my best to make it to day 19. Thanks people for all your honest shares & best wishes to all.

[Cyclops]

Hi, oh man I just looked at my diary and I counted wrong, toaday is actually day 17 for me! Not that it matters much, I have heard it said that the world record for clean time is 1 day, true that. Struggling at the moment, life seems so flat without my daily doses, guess it’s lack of dopamine or something, man I realluy hope this changes but you are right Markey, slipping up would be like a game of snakes and ladders and who knows how long before I’d find the resolve to commit to kick this, how much self-humiliation would it take? I started on opiods after brain surgery 26 years ago, twice in 12 months and after hospital was on v strong pain meds so felt switching to OTC pain meds was a good thing, I mean you could buy soluable Solapeine in Tesco then and then the restrictions came in and then my neurologist gave me a script and it’s been ongoing daily ever since. Of course I was topping up script with pharmacy buys too. I do have a painful neurological condition in my face but codeine doesn’t really touch it, but I use it to feel good or not feel bad or nervous or bored, whatever, anything to escape how I feel and now I don’t have that outlet and it’s unpleasant. Did some blood work with a new doctor pre-Christmas and got v bad liver reslts and that freaked me out a bit as I don’t drink, so kinda told here about my Solpadeine use, she was quite strict and struck it from my monthly script and tbh I’m really angry about that as she told me to use paracetamol instead, which I believe is also not good for liver. So I spend my days debating with myself the merits of going through all this low mood/mild-depression and lack of motivation. I also take epileptic meds and this impacts on liver function too so bad bloods are nothing new. I guess I’m seriously questioning if it’s woth it to go through this but I will persevere and see if my spirits lift. Thanks

[Cyclops]

Hi guys, v inspiring storuies and honesty from you all. Thanks, currently on day 17 cold turkey after 26 years daily use, it’s tricky. especially the sneaky thoughts telling me to use just once to take the edge of things. Taking good courage from your shares, let’s make it through to day 18

[Author]

Posts