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It sounds like he’s using. I’ve also found nail clippers and keys in odd places, as these are tools that are used to sniff coke. You can also look out for totally weird sleep schedules. Basically staying up all night, maybe even two or more days without sleep. And when sleep finally happens its for hours on end, and maybe they’ll wake up at freaking dinner time and act like it’s completely normal. Instead of getting greeted with “good morning” it’s “babe what would you like for dinner?”
At least in my experience…
My boyfriend was similar to yours in that he told me that we was slowly cutting down, and using less and less cocaine. He was open about his use and would let me throw his drugs away if I ever found them. It really seemed like he was trying to stop. Sounds exactly like your story.
But as time went on, he became more distant. And forget trying to throw bags away, as that would create a whole mess of a situation. Same issue with alcohol also as he seems to do both together. He’ll stay up all night from doing cocaine and have a beer in his hand at 8 in the morning the next day. I don’t know what happened.
I recently moved out and into a new apartment to get some space from the situation. I miss him like crazy but am afraid of what this will do to my future and already deteriorating mind.
The sad thing is, as I was packing my bags and telling him that I was moving because of his drug use, I think that just led to him binging more on it. So I was just packing my things trying not to cry as my boyfriend just numbed his feelings with drugs. Lovely.
Our boyfriends sound so similar. Mine also drinks and uses cocaine. A year ago, sometime after moving in together he talked about how he’s slowly cutting down and would eventually stop. I believed him, and didn’t want to push or force him to stop cold turkey because I thought he could do it. He seemed sincere and would let me flush his bags down the toilet when I found them.
Fast forward to now, and I’ve just moved into a new apartment away from him because nothing has changed. He’s gotten more secretive and distant and I couldn’t take it anymore. I also talked about moving out when we were still living together but I’m not sure that he believed I’d actually do it. I really miss him, but I’m afraid of what this could do to my future. We’re still together because I still love him, but I guess I want some distance from this. I have no idea if this is even the right thing or if breaking up is better.
Similar to you, I’m young and have a good career. We’ve talked about marriage, kids, etc. but I’m terrified. What if everything I worked for ends up getting destroyed by this. What if we get a house together and I end up being the sole provider because he spends all his money on drugs. He really hasn’t got anything to his name, bad credit, zero savings. I on the other hand have been saving since college and building my credit because I care about owning a home one day and having a nice future.
I do love him and wish he would stop, but I don’t think he’s ready at all. No idea when, or if he’ll ever be. I keep telling myself that there’s tons of other SOBER guys out there who can actually wake up at a normal time in the morning. With mine, it’s like pulling teeth just trying to get him to do something at noon. I feel like I’m dealing with a stubborn child.
I hope living away from him provides clarity. Sadly, living away from him isn’t much different than living with him. He was there, but never fully there. I’m heartbroken.
I’m in a similar situation also. Was giving drug tests for a couple months that my partner always failed. He would make promises to quit, which seemed to do the opposite. He’s staying with family now because I told him I can’t live in the same house as him when he’s doing drugs.
I think it’s good to set your own boundaries in order to keep yourself from going crazy. At the end of the day, we’re going crazy over someone else’s actions. It’s like we’re so focused on their life, that we forget to focus on our own.
No idea if sticking around is the right answer, but I guess there’s always hope that things might get better.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It can really make you feel crazy. I’m at the point where I can’t fall asleep for most of the night, because I’m stuck in my head worrying about why my boyfriend isn’t in bed next to me. He doesn’t usually go out to bars or anything at night and does cocaine in the house. Maybe I should at least be grateful for that. But sometimes I’ll get up at 4-5am and he’s still awake in the living room. Maybe once or twice I’ve been able to convince him to go to sleep, but he usually will make up excuses not to. I can no longer relax at home because I feel like I’m on constant surveillance.
I hate to admit it, but for me the coping mechanism is distance. Right now he is staying with his family, and I’m finally able to sleep at night. I’m no longer picking up his messes or feeling anxious around the house. Certain hobbies can help also. Sometimes playing guitar will get me out of my head enough to forget about what’s going on in my life.