[danman83]

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[danman83]

Hiya, hope you are OK?

Such a sad story and I’ve seen it Alot the effects off alcohol and drugs.

My problem is coke, I got my best clean time the other week, 4 month clean then relapsed. Now I’m back not using again.

I had been using 12 years. I tried everything to stop, I always said I’ll never ever join CA, I hate talking in front of people ect. But I joined and its helped me so much. Its the same aspect as AA. Your mum could even join CA it’s exactly the same and some prefer CA than AA.

1st off your mum is definitely an alcoholic which I’m sure you know. Secondly if you want her to get better, she has to want to quit for herself, she needs to feel like she’s had enough of drinking each day, what it’s doing to her and wants help. You can want her to as much as you want, she will just do a half arsed attempt at getting better and your flogging a dead horse.

If she’s drinking like this and hiding, my suggestion is either rehab, get her a good start. Or join CA or AA, she needs to work the 12 steps if you know what these are, you have to start to believe in a higher power, doesn’t have to be god. One of the steps we do is step 4, resentments.. This is like things we hold onto from the past, that we constantly think of that hurt us and cause us to use, even without knowing.

Imagine having hot coal in your hand, it’s just going to constantly burn and hurt you if you do not let go. A lot of use is caused from a trauma, child hood trauma. Doesn’t even have to be physical can be emotional. And we talk about this to our sponsor and get it off our chest. It really does help.

You get other addicts or ex addicts numbers from meetings. And you phone them each day and connect. Especially when u get cravings. And believe me, talking to someone gets rid of cravings.

This C. A I’ve met so many people who just want see me get better and are there for me more than my own friends have been. I really mean this, and I get emotional how much love everyone shows on the meetings. And I feel so much better now. Even tho I relapsed I jumped back on the programme the next day.

If your mum does join and she relapses, it’s part of recovery and not to give up.

But she really needs to want to quit for herself and hit her rock bottom. I hope this helps and I’m always here if u need to ask me anything.

[danman83]

I could go on all day about this subject but I can’t say on here, as some one I know might see. If you ever want my email I can explain more. But that’s entirely up to you.

But cocaine turns you into a bit of a sex pest. I’m not gonna lie to you. That bit we’re he sends pics of women to other women is strange.

It’s a seedy drug, it’s made me cheat. I’ve never cheated on previous partners when I was never on coke. A hell of a lot of coke uses, men… Use escorts, go on seedy dating sites, cheat left right and centre. But the thing is, nothing really happens in the end because it makes you small and not able to perform.

It’s like a thrill seeker drug, you want to be taking things to the extreme, and a risk taker. It ruins family’s, it turns you into something that you are not. A vile cheating horrible person. Then like you say the next day.. Regret and remorse kick in.. Why did I do that.. Why did I say that.

And soba.. Would we do it?? No.

Alot of guys can just watch porn on it all night, and I’ll be honest I’ve never been like that and that’s the truth.

In the meetings and the AA book, this is common and a big section on it.. We do the same thing every time and it’s the same outcome. We think using this time will be different.. I won’t do this or that. But again we do it. We call it being in the madness doing the same thing every time expecting different results and it doesn’t happen.

A big thing in the book and what we learn, and it took me a while to understand it and it makes sence. Is that some people have an allergy to alcohol and coke and drugs. We have an allergic reaction to it. We’re as you could have one drink may be 2, and say I’m going bed now I’m tired or I’m going home. We’re as me or someone else I’ll drink the house dry, even tho I’m not an alcoholic. Or some people can have one bag of coke and behave them selves. We’re as I will keep on getting more and more and act basically a nob and it effects me differently.

You might find this difficult to beleive.. I did aswell. But I can see now what it means.

[danman83]

Thanks Linda, I did my 1st face to face meeting, it was horrible lol I didn’t speak. Everyone is hugging each other ect.. And I just freeze at things like this and feel awkward. It was really close up and I have never done out like this before. I’ll be honest driving home I felt like using and giving up, thinking I can’t do them each week. But I’m OK now I did some prayers and I’m OK now. And I’ll just go back next week. I have to, or I’ll go back in the madness and I don’t want that.

My mum is constantly worried and I get texts every morning and every hour lol. I feel awful for what I’ve done and how worried she is. So I know as a mother I can see how much it worrys you, from seeing my mum. No mother should see there children struggle like this.

Thats good have a nice relaxing weekend ????????????

I’m glad your son is well, if he’s well then so you will be????

Thanks again ❤️

[danman83]

Bloody hell what a shame. So sorry..????❤️

You never have it under control it controls you and makes you think you do.

What stuff are we talking about? Or can u not say. Believe me Ive heard it all and no what it does. Is anything to do with sexual stuff? U don’t need to answer if u don’t want to

[danman83]

Thanks Linda. I’m glad he’s doing well. I’m just devastated after being 4 month, then messing up over a spilt decision, and losing my gf and kids, but I’ve took them Heaton Park today and had so much fun. I’m feeling really good today then going for that meeting, and my old sponsor from a few week ago me and him are going for something to eat. He’s still looking out for me each day.

This programme gives you people that care about you so much and I wouldn’t want anything else. People genuinely care a bout you. Even more than my mates. I need to stick to this and not give up. That’s why I had to come back on here as well. As this gives me a lot of strength In recovery. Thank you so much ❤️ have u anything planned this weekend?

[danman83]

So sorry to hear about your family members, it must be heartbreaking.

Can I ask how your sister in law overdosed on cocaine? Such a shame and I have kids and can’t afford anything bad happen to me.

I hope your mate pulls through. It grips people differently and some people just say. Say no to it.. And it’s not as easy as that. But ye I hope he pulls through. Is he on the meetings?

If he really wants to stop he will get there. Tell him get to the meetings if he does not do them. They help me so much. And I’ve made great mates

[danman83]

Thank you ???? just your support and kind words are enough ❤️

[danman83]

It is hard because it’s still in your system and wants more. I feel like I just finished a jigsaw puzzle and I’ve just mixed it all up again and have to start again, and piece it all up again. But I’m feeling happy today. I needed to connect more with ex addicts and my sponsor and I never. But I am now. It the fear of phoning people and being shy but I’m doing it now and sharing a lot more in meetings.

So I’m feeling positive now.

I know I just couldn’t face it on here after relapsing. But something clicked this morning and told me to go back on and share my story. It’s part of recovery I guess. I’m not proud of what I did and what I said to my ex. It’s a long story so can’t really explain on here. But ye.. It was my fault. Cocaine turned me into a nasty person that night. Because also I had not used for 4month. It was a lot worse the effects. I just have to dust my self off and start again and not give up. Thanks so much deb x

[danman83]

You must have a heart of gold not giving up on your friend. It’s so hard to stop when it’s everywhere. Even doctors are on the meetings who are addicted to it. There is a big crisis in UK with it.

How is your friend? Does he want to quit and getting help?

[danman83]

Thank you so much for that. My mum and my 18 year old son was even saying get to the meeting, dad it will make you better ect.. Breaks me to know my son knows this, even though some of his mates do it. But I should lead by example.

To be honest it was a toxic relationship anyway. And not just me. I felt like it was me doing everything. I feel a bit happier now and stress free. I’m back on the programme and feeling good and. Meditating. Thanks so much for your kind words x

[danman83]

Have you wrote your story on? I can’t find it?

[danman83]

Thanks for that, how far clean are u?

[danman83]

Thanks for that deb. I’m glad he’s doing good, as long as he is putting the effort in and trying that’s all that matters. That’s good him telling you new things and communicating better, that’s how it should be and will help him and you out so much, good to hear from you x

[danman83]

Ye it’s definitely common, I use to relapse the week I had dreams or use that weekend, so this is why I get worried. But because I am now apart of CA I have a good support network so this helps. Plus In the dreams now I feel gutted I’ve used in my dream, so I think it’s showing me in a good way, how bad it feels and not to go back there if this makes sence

Thanks so much for being there ❤️x

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