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Hi Lindyloo,
Thank you for your kind words, it’s so good to be able to come on here and chat and share problems.
I’m so glad that your Son is doing well, you must be very proud, well done to him.
It is hard living with him when he’s doing the alcohol and drugs, he doesn’t know when to stop.
We are on Day 3 today of being clean/sober, he usually finds Day 4 hard, so let’s hope he can go past that tomorrow ????, he talks a good talk and probably means well, but he needs to carry on and be strong.
Haven’t seen much of Danman on here for ages, I do hope he’s ok.
I’ll let you know how I get on with the DrugFam people, they sound very good.
Take care Lindyloo.
Dx
Hi ImagineDragon,
I haven’t heard of the Supported Living unless it’s goes under the name of a “Dry House”? How do you find out about it?
My Son has been in a dry house before, he went straight from Rehab to one, but of course he didn’t last. Has the chance to go again, but makes excuses not to go.
He holds down (most of the time) a full time job and is very good at his trade.
I’m glad that you are getting a break at the moment, it must be heaven. I hope your Son puts his mind to it and does well.
I suppose that’s the part I really don’t understand, my Son is also unhappy and even more so when he indulges in alcohol and drugs, it just doesn’t make sense to me, but Addiction is a huge learning curve for everyone involved. I just wish they could take a tablet and be cured, how good would that be?
Take care of yourself.
Dx
Hi Februarymarie,
Sorry to read your Son has relapsed, it’s very hard when this happens. My Son usually goes 3-4 days at the moment, then gets back on it, I am not embarrassed to say that I am really at the end of my tether with him. I have emailed DrugFam today and got a reply back straight away which I was really impressed with, I am having a 1:1 telephone conversation with them next Monday 26th, I’m hoping they can tell me where I’m going wrong and give me some ideas for the way forward. It’s been so many years with my Son being an Addict I honestly don’t think he knows anything else to do. I also believe that he has choices, and doesn’t make good choices because that is easier than facing up to reality.
I really let it get to me this weekend and didn’t get dressed or do anything (lots needed doing) for 2 days and I really don’t want to feel like that again.
Talking to him just doesn’t work, he gets angry and shouts, which doesn’t help anyone.
I am going to write down some boundaries and give them to him, at the end of the day he is living in my house so should abide by my rules, like them or not.
I hope your Son gets back on track very soon.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Penny M,
I think you have just hit the nail on the head when you say Alcohol is the most dangerous drug out there, it all starts with alcohol.
Thank you for your insight into the personality disorder, and would you accept being treated by a friend how our adult children treat us, absolutely not.
I am looking for some counselling or chatting to someone about my Son, reading this makes me more positive.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Kate1,
I think that’s it’s wonderful that you are doing volunteering work, I hope you find it rewarding and I’m sure they really appreciate it.
Take care.
Dx
Hi ImagineDragon,
My ex husband is my Sons Father, but they have a very tetchy relationship, and I think part of the reason my ex left was because of our Son, who just abuses his Dad when he speaks to him, but really he’s crying out for his love, a very sad situation.
Your words really hit home about having peace of mind, and being able to get on with my life. I admire you for being able to ask your Son to leave, I know this is what I should be doing and hopefully I will have the courage to do it, I cannot go in living like we have.
It’s like being in an abusive relationship, but with your Son’ which isn’t good or right.
Thank you for your kind words, they have certainly made me think. You take care too.
Dx
Hi Fed up Mom,
It’s just so draining and I feel I can’t get on with my own life, and I think it’s affecting me now more than I realise, sometimes I just can’t be bothered to do anything and that’s very unlike me.
He says Sorry, but to the Addict I think it’s just a word, I don’t think they mean it at all.
The lies are bizarre, and I don’t really believe a word he says anymore and that’s quite sad.
I suppose we can only live in hope.
Dx
Hi LindyLoo and all the Ladies on here,
I’m so pleased that your Son is 1 year clean, that’s amazing, you must be very proud of him.
I haven’t wrote on here for ages, always want too, but struggle to put everything down sometimes. I read all of the comments.
My situation with my Son has not improved at all, in fact I would go as far as to say it’s much worse now than it’s ever been, which of course is very sad and very frustrating.
I have had to have the Police a couple of times to him, he’s just been out of control, but unless he’s committed a crime there hands are tied. I have asked him to leave, but he keeps coming back, and if I don’t let him in he damages things, and then I have to pay to put them right, which isn’t ideal at the moment as my ex husband now wants to sell the house, which quite honestly I’m finding very hard to deal with that and everything else.
I read lots on here and think it’s wonderful. I do struggle with the “keep loving him” part, sometimes I wish he would disappear and then I wouldn’t have to cope with it all, and then I feel bad for thinking bad things.
When he is clean and sober for a few days it’s wonderful, but when the Addict takes over I absolutely hate it, I suppose you learn so much having to live with an Addict, but I don’t cope very well with it all now. I say terrible things to him, and likewise he does to me, and then the next day your meant to act normal, I find this very difficult to deal with.
He has all the tools and people to talk too, meetings are quite near and available for him to go, but I just don’t see him making any effort, he says I don’t understand, which of course I don’t, but I also think it’s about making choices, and he makes bad choices.
I really can’t see anything changing at the moment, and that fills me with dread.
I know coming on here and writing it down will help.
Thinking of you all.
Dx
Hi James,
What is your view of enabling? My son I suppose cons me, I do say
No, but sometimes give in so he will get off my case.
What do you think I should do?
Hi CC1291,
Welcome to the Forum, where I hope you get answers to your questions.
I have replied because I think what he done to you is outrageous, people have choices and you didn’t choose to have the red bull drink which he had added a substance too. I would be very worried about him doing that.
Take care.
Dx
Hi LFoste,
Welcome to the Forum.
Made me so sad reading your story. Your Mum is obviously very Ill from the alcohol, it definitely changes people and not always for the better.
The Icarus Trust post on here sometimes and you can talk to them, and I’m sure there are other places that you can ring. AA do have meetings for families of alcoholics, you would have to look to see if they have any in your area. What about speaking to your Mums Doctor?
Be there for your Dad and hopefully you can both get the help that you need for your Mum, I feel for you both.
Keep in touch on here, take care.
Dx
Hi Chloe03,
Welcome to the Forum where you will find many people in similar situations.
You really shouldn’t have to put up with violence, it can’t be good for you at all. Have you not got any family members you can talk too or close friend you can confide in?
Had your Mum been drinking today when she turned violent?
Please talk to someone, you cannot be in this situation, it’s very worrying, and please make sure you are safe.
Please keep in touch on here, take care.
Dx
Hi Roberto,
Welcome to the Forum.
I may be going to sound harsh but I really would think about what you are going to do, living with a cocaine addict is hell, and I mean hell, your life will not be nice, he will spend all the money and you will never know where he is, and the lies are terrible, they even believe their own lies.
Sorry to be harsh but I am only speaking from experience.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Hoffy,
Welcome to the Forum.
I think your daughters GP needs to be revisited, I understand the concern for the Children, but your Daughter was also reaching out for help which probably took her a lot to do.
Would she consider going to AA meetings or go on line and do them? She might find them really useful and also be able to talk to people in the same situation.
I think she is probably angry because she knows she has a problem and doesn’t know what to do, it is very hard for them.
My Son is an addict alcohol and cocaine, and I’m afraid they have to want to get better and try recovery.
There are people that you can talk to yourself if you look on line. I hope you and your Daughter find some help.
Keep in touch on here and take care.
Dx
Hi Chloe1994,
Welcome to the Forum, where there are lots of people in similar situations.
I’m sorry you are in this situation, especially being pregnant as well, you should be having all the support from him but sadly cocaine will always come first, unless he wants to give up. Personally I would run for the hills and look after you and your baby, go back to your family who I’m sure will be looking forward to greeting your new baby into the world. Sorry if this sounds harsh but living with an addict is hell.
Take care and good luck with the baby.
Dx.