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Hi Help2020,
I can only reiterate what Lindyloo has said, you have done the hardest thing and admitted that you have a problem, and you have gone 3 days, that’s brilliant, keep going day by day. Join some on line zoom meetings, you don’t have to contribute, you can just listen and hear other people’s stories and pick up some good advice.
Think about how you felt when you were 9 months clean, I bet it was a fantastic feeling.
Keep yourself busy, they say exercise is really good for the head, my Son who is an addict, doing ok at the moment, says the thoughts he has in his head are the worst things to deal with.
Keep going, be proud of yourself.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Bump,
That’s what I always say, if I was to win the Lottery or something. My Son has been to Rehab, and the people who were the workers (in Recovery themselves), were the most genuine, kindest people, but they only have 2 Rehab places, and of course they cost lots of money which isn’t ideal for most of us, and the waiting list for anywhere else that can help is very stretched, so like you, I would plough they money in to helping people like our Sons.
I can’t wait for the light bulb moment.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Skat,
I think being an addict is an illness, but there are meetings that they can join, counsellors that they can talk too, sometimes you have to pay, but if they really want help they will do anything.
Definitely starts with the alcohol then goes on to the cocaine, so to stop this they have to have total abstinence, which is obviously the hard part for them.
My Son is a Dad with a little girl of 4, he’s a good dad, but when he was at his worst he was awful, and played at being a Dad really. He has her in the week for tea and every other weekend, I suppose it helps because he lives with me.
About talking to his Mum, at least she knows that he has been taking cocaine, so she won’t be so shocked to hear that he is still taking it, although you said he’s been ok for 3/4 weeks which is great and so much better to live with, but you are always waiting for that time when they do it again, some people never do and have a great recovery. I would just say it as it is to his Mum, you can’t really sugar coat cocaine, I’m sure she will be upset but at least she will be prepared if she has to support him and you could always introduce her to Adam.
I hope this helps. Keep in touch.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Jem,
That’s amazing news about your Son, brilliant.
I used to count the days as well, I think it helps.
Going to read Jaynhissay posts again, it might help me a bit more.
Long may all the good things continue.
Take care
Dx
Hi Lindyloo,
Great to hear your Son is doing so well, very pleased for you and him.
My Son is ok, but only just ok I think. I know he has the occasional drink, but not at our house, I don’t want to start that, he says he hasn’t drugs, but I’m not 100% about that, this is the only place that I could put that.
Most of the time he is ok, but occasionally I see glimpses of his old ways and I never want to go back there. I think the annoying thing is that he has all the tools to help with the addiction and lots of people he can reach out to, but thinks he can do it on his own, but I know he can’t.
I hope your Son continues doing well, it’s a long journey, but will be so worth it in the end.
Hope everyone else is ok.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Skat,
Welcome to the Forum, a good place to share your story and read other people’s stories in the same situation.
It’s great that your boyfriend has actually told you he is addicted and gone to see a counsellor. Is he going to try and carry on and do something to help himself? There are lots of AA and NA meetings on line done through Zoom.
My Son is an addict, alcohol and cocaine, doing ok at the moment, but it’s a real trial living with them, putting up with their mood swings and just wondering if they will ever get back to the person that they used to be.
It’s ok your Family telling you to support him but they don’t know what people have to go through, it’s like living in hell is the only way I can describe it.
I don’t think your wrong to want to leave him, you have to think of yourself first, a thing I find hard to do, but you cannot let them keep dragging you down and in a constant state of worry, because I’m sure they don’t worry.
Keep in touch on here, take care.
Dx
Hi RitaFF,
Welcome to the Forum.
I can only say from experience, but I would say your ex would be on cocaine. I obviously don’t know about the more personal things because it’s my Son who is an addict, alcohol and cocaine.
I would say you have had a lucky escape, because living with someone who has an addiction is hell.
Look after yourself always first.
Take care.
Dx
Hi LauraJ,
Welcome to the Forum.
My Son (29) is an addict and has been for over 10 years, he is doing ok at the moment, but constantly living on egg shells is not ideal.
If I’m honest, I would have to walk away from the situation that you are in at the moment, because unless he wants to stop, he’s never going to change. As you said they change when they are taking the drugs and they are not very nice people to be around, then when it has worn off they do nothing but sleep and be miserable. It is also a very costly habit.
Sorry to be so blunt, but it is very draining and heartbreaking being involved with an addict.
Taking care of you and your anxiety is most important.
Keep in touch and know that you are not on your own.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Dizzypink,
Welcome to the Forum.
Sorry to read your story, it must be a very stressful time for you and your family.
My son is 29 and he is an addict, alcohol and cocaine, he’s doing ok at the moment, but it’s still a great worry.
I don’t think the borrowing of money ever stops unless you stop helping him. I have leant my Son thousands over the years, one excuse after another, and it’s very wearing, but also you can end up putting yourself in debt and that’s not good.
The Icarus Trust is a place where you can talk to someone in confidence and they can advise you.
There are lots of Mums on here with the same problems with their Sons, read the Theresa thread.
Keep in touch on here and know that you are not on your own.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Nat123,
Welcome to the Forum, it’s a great place to share your story and chat to people who are in the same situation.
My Son is an addict, Alcohol and Cocaine, he’s doing ok at the moment but put up with what you have been through for at least 10 years, he’s 29 now.
I think you have done the right thing for you, I can appreciate that it is very hard, but as you said it is like living in hell, and when it starts affecting your life you have to do it for you.
It sounds as if you need some professional advice about the house and mortgage, do you have a local Citizens Advice near you? Or some Solicitors do free 1/2 hours advice. Are you able to have the dogs where you have moved to?
The Icarus Trust is another place you could talk to, they would know about these situations.
Don’t worry about ranting on here, I think it’s a good place that you can write down exactly how you are feeling and i think that helps.
Keep in touch on here, take one day at a time and most importantly look after yourself first.
Take care
Dx
Hi Becshek,
Welcome to the Forum, it’s a great place to share your worries and concerns and lots of people on here in the same situation.
My Son is an addict, alcohol and cocaine, has been in rehab twice and doing ok at the moment.
I completely understand where you are coming from with the trust issues, it’s very hard to learn to trust them again as we have been let down so many times before. The lies are the hardest thing to bear.
I would give her a bit of time to adjust to being back home, I presume she lives with you? Just try and not ask too many questions (very hard not to do), and some days they will feel like talking and these are the good times. I know in rehab they go through different processes and chat to counsellors about what they have done to family etc, and sometimes they keep journals of their daily life and feelings when they are in rehab, my Son done this and I have read it, it’s very sad sometimes, but makes you realise how they are feeling.
Hopefully she will carry on doing the AA meetings, I think this is very important for them.
There is lots of help on here and also the Icarus Trust who you can talk to.
Most important look after yourself, take care and keep chatting on here, it helps to share.
Dx
Hi Lindyloo,
Thank you for your kind words.
He still does a few meetings but not like before, I think he thinks that he can do it on his own, but knows deep down he can’t. He says he wants a normal life, but don’t we all at the moment. He still has contact with his Sponsor, but has not continued doing his Steps, which of course he would have to start again. He was told that having a relationship was not a good thing to do, but I suppose they have their needs, so to speak, and he doesn’t see it as a relationship, it’s just someone he says that understands him. My view is that they want to try living with them, l.
So glad that your Son is doing well, he sounds as if he is really trying now which is great for you and your husband, long may it continue.
Sending positive thoughts to all.
Dx
Hi all, I have been keeping up to date with all of your stories and glad that things are working out.
My Son is so much better than he used to be, but sometimes I can see little things creeping back in and this puts me on edge.
He has a friend (female), he goes to see and stays over (good friends, lol), but I know occasionally that they have a drink, and this really worries me, I know before that the drink use to lead to cocaine, I have seen no signs of it, and I have asked him, I really couldn’t put up with that again, life was hell as you all know.
I was reading a story last night on here and the person concerned said her partner/husband was clean for a long time an then it appeared again, I felt really sad reading it, my first thought was, this is never ending.
My Sons Mental Health is all over the place, he is on medication and that seems to help. He does hold down a full time job and is good at what he does.
Sometimes I try to step back and just go with the flow. I do not allow him to have alcohol or anything else in the house. Most of the time it’s good, but always get nervous when he goes over to see his friend.
It’s so good to be able to chat on here, I think it helps just to be able to put your thoughts down, I know this has helped me today.
Take care all.
Dx
Hi Andylou, welcome to the Forum, where you will find many people in the same situation, a great place to connect with and chat to other people.
Your story makes me feel sad, I have a Son who is an addict, and after reading your story, I wonder if the addiction ever goes away, what a thought, to have to live with.
My Son is currently in recovery, but always waiting for the time that they relapse, which is awful really.
Friday nights always used to be the worst when he was really bad and I know exactly how you are feeling about ignoring the calls etc, have been there many times.
They will only change or reach out for help when they want to. Cocaine is an evil drug, completely changes them in lots of ways. I think the lying is the worst thing, and it’s very hard to learn to trust them again.
Read other stories on here. Most important thing is to look after you and your children first.
Keep chatting on here, I find it helps a lot.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Deborah,
Welcome to the Forum, I’m sure you will get lots of help here, and it’s a great place to chat with other people in the same situation.
If you go on the thread that Teresa started, there is about 5 or 6 Mums all with sons with addiction.
My Son is an addict, alcohol and cocaine, and I understand completely where you are coming from.
I think he has told you because he obviously needs help, all you can do is point him in the right direction as Kellie said, they have to want to be helped.
Take care of yourself and keep in touch on the Forum.
Dx