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Hi Kayare,

Welcome to the Forum.

I’m sure that just putting your thoughts down that you will feel better.

Your husband sounds very ill, and I can appreciate your worry and concern.

There are lots of people on the Forum in the same situation, read through some of the other stories, I found them to be really helpful.

Never feel that you are to blame, they choose their own paths I’m afraid.

The Icarus Trust is a place that you could get in touch with too.

Stay in touch on here, it’s a great place to get advice and help from.

Take care of you and your children.

Dx

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Hi Nothingleft,

The money they get through is frightening. My Son would get paid on a Friday and used to spend it all by a Saturday. I never found out for years what was actually happening and what he was spending it on, the amounts of money wasted is criminal, and then the borrowing used to start and never get paid back, which of course cannot go on forever.

Perhaps he needs to prove to you that he does need help and do something positive about it, he could join meetings on Zoom, they are on all the time.

Please keep in touch on here and take care of yourself.

Dx

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Hi TaylorF,

That’s great news that’s he’s reached out to someone, there are also lots of meetings on line, my son uses Zoom, you can just sit in the meetings, you don’t have to say anything, these might help too. Getting him talking about it is great, my Son does talk to me about it, but only when he is in the mood, has to be at their pace I think.

Take your time in thinking about what you want, looking after ourselves as well is very important. I find myself not doing this and thinking about my Son more, which isn’t always a good thing.

I find this Forum really good, so many people in the same situation, it’s helped me a lot.

Keep in touch and take care.

Dx

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Hi Nothingleft,

Welcome to the Forum, where you will find many people, myself included with Sons that are all the same, addicted to alcohol and drugs.

Please don’t feel guilty, I know it’s hard not too, but like you I didn’t bring my Son up in a world of drink and drugs as I’m sure you haven’t.

Without the drink and drugs in them they are wonderful, caring people, but my god don’t they change when the drink and drugs take over.

As you say, the lies, no money and not caring is very hard to contend with, and it’s like living in hell, not knowing what to do for the best.

Does your Son realise he has a problem and does he want help? Until they realise this, I don’t really think we can help them, it has to be their decision.

Talk to people on here, read through some of the other threads, so many people in the same situation, but I know from joining this Forum, it has definitely helped me and it’s so good to be able to share your own story.

Take care of yourself. Keep in touch.

Dx

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Hi Lindyloo,

I know how you are feeling with your heart jumping out of your chest, I think it is anxiety, It’s a horrible feeling and only bought on because of their actions.

Glad to hear that you had a nice day with your husband, and then you get bought back to earth again, been there many times.

I had a conversation with my Son today about how it all affects us, and I told him that it was a living hell, but I really don’t think he got what I was on about, all they think about is themselves, very selfish.

Hope you can get a good nights sleep, take care.

Dx

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Hi Lindyloo,

Could he take some annual leave from his job? Or get signed off by the Doctor for a while? At least he could still have his job and not keep being absent from work.

It is so sad seeing them like it, and not knowing what to do for the best.

It’s great to come on here and be able to share and know that other people care.

Dx

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Hi Lindyloo,

So sorry to hear your having a bad time, sending you a hug.

My Son used to miss work as well, and it really does start to upset you when this happens.

As you know my son has been to Rehab twice, but I do believe it helps, they are usually run by people who have themselves been in the same situation, I met some great people at the Rehab where my Son was, so warm, welcoming and just really nice people, and some of them had been to hell and back on their own journey.

There is some information on here in the Story section about a lady who opened up a Rehab, it is not too badly priced to be fair, but your Son has to be the one to make the decision, it sounds as if he could really do with some help at the moment, I feel for you all as a family.

Your not whinging, your a caring Mum like the rest of us, take care and keep in touch.

Dx

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Hi TaylorF,

Welcome to the Forum, a great place to get really good advice from people in the same situation.

My Son is an addict alcohol and cocaine, he is in Recovery at the moment, and doing well, long may it continue.

Having lived with his habits for over 10 years, I can only tell you from my own experience that it is like living in hell, and in a viscious circle, the continuous lies and just being let down all the time, and it’s not a cheap hobby.

You have to think of yourself and think what is best for you, which is very hard for people when you love who you are with.

There are lots of posts on the forum which you might find helpful, and lots of people who are in the same situation who might be able to help you with their advice.

There is the Icarus Trust as well.

Keep in touch with the people on the Forum, look after yourself and take care.

Dx

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Hi Lindyloo,

Sorry to read about your Son, hope your ok.

I wished they would realise what an impact it has on our life, but I know they don’t once the alcohol and whatever else gets hold of them.

Hopefully it will just be a blip. I know they find it hard when they have a lot of money in their account. My son spends loads on clothes at the moment, which is better than the alcohol and drugs, but you are always wondering what they are going to do.

Hopefully he will get back on track this week, doing his meetings and speaking to his sponsor.

Take care

Dx

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Hi GGgg,

Welcome to the Forum and glad that you have asked for advice, you must be really really worried about your sister, it really sounds as if she needs help and needs it very soon.

Her children have to come first, and I would be very worried about them as I am sure you are. Does the friend go round and check on them and your sister frequently? How old are they? They must be very sad with losing their Dad as well.

I really don’t know what I would do in your situation, but I would have to think of the children and if you think they are not being looked after properly, then you could involve Social Services, it might bring your sister to her senses.

There is also the Icarus Trust who could give you advice as well.

Keep in touch through the Forum, it is a very useful place to come and get really good advice.

Dx

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Hi Ruby123,

Welcome to the Forum, where you will get good advice and read the other stories, people in the same situation.

I must first of all tell you that YOU are not the problem, never believe that you are, they blame everybody apart from themselves.

Being an addict to drugs/alcohol is a serious illness, but they can get help if they want it, but only if they want it.

There are on line meetings every day, which is a good place to start.

Having a baby must be so worrying for you at the moment, but just concentrate on you and the baby.

Just know your not alone in all of this, keep talking on here, take care.

Dx

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Hi Sandm,

Welcome to the forum, it’s great that you have offloaded, I bet you feel better for doing that.

Has your partner ever tried to get help or really does he want help? Until he recognises he has a problem and wants to do something about it, then I’m afraid from experience that your life will just continue to go round in circles.

There is the Icarus Trust which helps family members to cope with these situations and lots of people on this forum too.

Look after yourself first, take care and stay in touch with the Forum.

Dx

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Carole1966

So very sorry for your loss, I couldn’t begin to imagine how you are feeling.

I hope you have lots of support around you.

Sending you hugs and please take care, stay in touch.

Dx

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Hi Lindyloo,

Glad all is going well for your Son, as you say, baby steps and one day at a time.

Take care

Dx

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Hi Jess24,

Hope your ok.

There are lots of meetings on line through Zoom, my Son tells me they go on all over the Country at most times of the day, hopefully this will help.

Take care

Dx

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