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Hi ClaireH,
Welcome to the Forum.
Your story is so sad and like you I would be very concerned for your Niece, it’s not a good environment for her to be bought up in, can you try and talk to your Niece to see exactly what goes on with her Mum?
Although it is very kind of your Mum and Dad to be helping your Sister, really they are enabling her, she must have money to buy the alcohol.
I think I would be doing some serious talking to your family about the concerns for your Niece.
Does your Sister have any friends that you know that you could talk too that perhaps live nearer her?
If you are really concerned for your Niece perhaps you would have to contact Social Services.
The Icarus Trust is a place where you can get in touch with with your concerns, I think you can email them.
Keep in touch on here, take care.
Dx
Hi Lindyloo,
So very true when you say you can never really relax, and these days I can sense when he’s not feeling his best and you never know the right thing to say, I’m usually greeted with the words “you don’t understand”, which is probably true, but then they don’t understand how we feel either.
He’s been into another meeting tonight, so hopefully he will continue to do this, he says it really helps, and especially talking to people who know exactly how he is feeling.
I hope your Son gets back into them soon.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Faye,
Welcome to the Forum, so sorry you are going through this, it’s like living in hell.
I am also the Mum of an addict (alcohol and cocaine), he has also been to Rehab twice, and like your Son he has relapsed. You think that you are giving them a great opportunity to go to Rehab and try and turn their life around, but Addiction is an illness and unfortunately they do relapse, not everyone, but some more than others I think.
My Son started again yesterday by joining a meeting on line and he told me this morning that he had said his prayers. They learn so much in Rehab, and then have to try and continue in the outside world, which I appreciate is hard, but they all have choices to make, we have to hope they make the right ones.
Have a look at the Theresa thread, there are quite a few Mums on there who are dealing with Addiction, it’s a great place to chat with other people in a similar situation.
The Icarus Trust sometimes post on here, but you can also email them I think.
Please take care of you and your Family first. Keep in touch on here.
Dx
At least your Son is telling the Counsellor, which I think is a good thing to share it with someone.
I hope your Husband is feeling better today, it is hard to be strong all the time when dealing with all of this, I have days where I could just sit and do nothing, thankfully my job and my Grand daughter keep me going.
Take care both.
Dx
Hi, 68862,
For weeks now I have been wondering whether to write on here, it’s so hard to admit things sometimes and I know people don’t judge at all, it’s just hard.
My Son has also relapsed the last month, and what a change, back to the lying, no money, lost weight, and his temper was absolutely vile. I told him that I couldn’t live that life again and I won’t. He got himself a new girlfriend, thankfully she doesn’t do drugs or anything, but he goes in all guns blazing, just focusses on her and that’s it, I know this is part of the addiction, but it’s awful to watch.
He did admit to me yesterday that he had been doing it again. Last night he cooked the tea, then went on a meeting, which he knows really helps, he said that after 20 mins he realised that the meetings were what he needs.
I hope that he can start again and just go day by day and see that recovery is a better place to be.
Like you I thank god that we have Adfam to come too.
Thinking of everyone, take care.
Dx
Hi DiW,
I have posted 2 replies but neither of them are showing up on the thread, I don’t really understand why. Will try again tomorrow.
Hope you are both ok, take care.
Dx
Hi Fields of Roses,
Welcome to the Forum, it’s a great place to chat to people in similar situations to yourself.
You have made the first move by posting on here, nobody judges, everybody just really wants to help.
The only thing I can suggest is starting with AA, they hold lots of meetings on Zoom, some places might even be open now for face to face meetings. If you go on Zoom, you don’t have to say anything, you can just listen to other people’s stories, which hopefully you will find really good.
Keep in touch on here and know you are not on your own. Take care.
Dx
Hi Florence,
Welcome to the Forum.
I am the Mum of an addict (alcohol and cocaine), and I fully sympathise with you, it’s not something that I would wish on my worst enemy, it’s like living in hell.
I can only speak from experience, and I so wish that I had done things differently, hindsight is a wonderful thing. I only have one child and he is an addict, but I now realise that this is not my fault.
I would not enable him by lending him money, never having it back, and being so much firmer with him and knowing when to walk away instead of trying all the time to make sure he was ok, I now realise that this was him manipulating me.
Is he prepared to get any help or is he ready to do this? Only they can decide this.
There are lots of stories on here which are all sadly the same. Try and read the Theresa thread, lots of mums with sons who are addicts, and it’s so good to be able to chat with other people in a similar situation.
Keep in touch on here, and know that you are not on your own.
Take care
Dx
Hi Emjay,
Very wise words, I hope Lucyyy takes on board all of these comments that are on this thread.
I am the Mum of an addict (alcohol and cocaine), although doing well at the moment, you are just waiting for the next relapse.
Having lived with it for 10+ years, I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy.
This Forum is brilliant and so glad that I found it when I did.
Thinking of you all on this very difficult journey.
Dx
Hi Lucyyyy,
So sorry that you are going through this. Living with an addict is hell.
I would listen to all the advice on here and run for the hills while you still can, it will be hard, but a much better life for you and your Baby.
Take care
Dx
I know it’s a daily struggle for them and sometimes it’s too much for them to deal with. My Son went off last weekend telling me he was going to end it all, I’m sorry but I really didn’t know how to handle it, I had all these people messaging me because he had put a post on social media, but I had to just sit and wait for him to come home, hoping he did.
Thankfully he did and expected me to be in a normal mood, I felt so angry with him but also very sorry and sad that this is what drugs and drink have done to him, and this is when he is in recovery.
Dx
Kate, I think we all wonder what we could of done different, I know I certainly do, but we have to remember that we couldn’t of controlled their addiction, that I’m afraid was down to them. They often say that something must of triggered it off in their younger days, but I’m sure I can’t think of anything that happened, as I’m sure you can’t.
I read something yesterday on Hey Sigmund loving someone with addiction, it’s a really good read and gives a good insight into things. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I will ever understand addiction sadly.
Take care of yourself Kate and take each day as it comes xx
Dx
Hi diesel84,
Welcome to the Forum, where there is loads of advice and people are very helpful.
My first thought was surely if he is that concerned about his children then he would be trying to stop, but being the Mum of an addict myself, I know that it is not easy.
I always thought that medical records was confidential information.
There are people he can talk too, there is loads of on line zoom meetings, I think there may be even face to face meetings now as well. If he’s serious about giving up the cocaine then he will do something about it.
I wish you and your partner well in your journey.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Lyn1965,
Welcome to the Forum.
So sorry that you are in this situation. I think sometimes the addict becomes very selfish and need to be on their own to do their recovery journey.
The Icarus Trust would be good for you to talk too, they sometimes post on the Forum.
Take care, always here to chat.
Dx
Will be thinking of you tomorrow Kate xx
Dx