[desperatemum2]

Hi Everyone

I haven’t felt able to reply as I’ve just felt so overwhelmed by everything – but then it seems so rude not to acknowledge all the supportive responses. So here I am to say thank you to everyone.

Nothing has changed with my situation. I’ve asked my son to move out – offered to find the money for a deposit on a bedsit and a couple of months rent (which won’t be easy for me, but I’ll take out a loan or something). He just refuses to go. I counted over 60 cider cans in his room this morning – and he sits outside in his car, drinking cider and swigging from bottles of wine. Add that to the diazepam the doctor prescribes and the 60 he orders at a time from the internet, he hasn’t;t the slightest intention of trying to tackle the problem and just constantly berates me for not listening to him. He said if I greeted him n the mornings with ‘hi, how are you feeling? Do you want to talk about your feelings with me’, that he would be ok. Maybe I should. But I’m exhausted with it all. I don’t have it in me any more, because if I don’t say the right thing, he’s aggressive and argumentative.

I’m so very sorry for all those of us who suffer because of addiction. I just wish there was more understanding and more medical support.

I’m glad I found this forum, at least. Thank you again everyone xx

[desperatemum2]

Oh gosh, everyone….I am shocked to hear the stories on this thread, and yet relieved that I am not alone too….

Lindyloo pointed me in this direction and so I have been reading all the heartbreaking posts….and clinging on to those that offer hope.

I posted a few days ago in a new thread that my 38 year old alcoholic son came to live with me 5 months ago, from prison. He promised to get help and stay off alcohol. He’s on methadone for heroin withdrawal. Lindyloo kindly replied and pointed me in this direction…

He is my eldest son, and he’s now addicted to prescription drugs. He gets diazepam and other stuff off the internet and also on prescription from the GP. His moods are all over the place and he constantly wants money. He came at me the other day with his fists (he’s 6’8″) and I fell over. He told me ‘ I hope you’ve broken your effing leg, you c***’ The police ended up coming over and arrested him, but I didn’t press charges. So he came back here. He’s my son and I can’t bear the thought of him going back to prison….and yet I can’t live like this. My house is tiny. I work hard. I dread coming home.

I recently lost my mum. We were so close. He hasn’t even allowed me to grieve….

Tonight he told me that the owner of the village shop had been to my house, asking for the money Chris owed him from April, when he got credit for drink….I’m pretty sure that what happened the other night when there squad cars and four policemen came tumbling out is now the talk of the village…

I already feel totally isolated and I’ve become a miserable old lady.

Losing my mum has just added to the absolute despair I feel.

I feel suicidal. I don’t see I have a place in the world any more. My alcoholic son is convincing me that my other two sons have confided in him that I’m useless. They denied it, but I can’t see how he would keep on bringing it up if it wasn’t true to some extent?

I broke down at work after a particularly difficult time with him and told my bosses all about things. I work in a private household for super-rich people and they seemed very sympathetic at the time, but now they are saying I crossed the line…even more reason for me to feel it would be much better to be with my mum.

I tried to sign up for my local Al-Anon meeting, but it seems there is only an on-line option at the moment – which in my tiny house while my son is upstairs, isn’t really an option….

I hope that feeling part of this community will help me feel a little bit less isolated and desperate

Sorry if I seem so self-absorbed x

[desperatemum2]

Hi Lindyloo

Thank you so much for replying. I really hope that your son recovers – so many people do seem to have the strength to live a sober and clean life.

Unfortunately, my son still doesn’t seem willing to put in the immense work needed. I realise the future is scary for him, but there aren’t even the tiniest signs that he wants to change.

There was nothing in prison – because of Covid, all activities were cancelled. He spent 23 and a half hours in a cell throughout his sentence. Just before he was released, his cellmate got Covid and he was made to stay in the cell with him, so by the time he reached me, he had Covid too.

This morning he was out at 10am getting alcohol. I think he is stealing much of it, as he’s on benefits and they don’t cover much (although I have no idea how much he is getting and I hope he isn’t lying about his circumstances). He also gets prescription meds from the doctor, has a daily methadone prescription and then buys diazepam and other stuff from the internet when he gets his benefit money.

I’ll look at the Theresa thread right now, and will look out for the other recommendations you’ve given me too.

Just to know there are other people out there who understand is a huge thing.

You take care too, and thank you again ❤️

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