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Hello, this all sounds very similar to my son who is/was taking cocaine. When he had his kids I would buy food for them. I ended up buying all their Christmas presents and food a couple of years ago. Eventually he kept putting me off going to his house, he stopped giving me his washing and borrowing my Hoover. When I got to see the house it was an absolute mess and took weeks to clean before it was eventually sold. All that you have said about your daughter is just like my son – blocked nose, sniffing, mood swings etc. I would suggest trying to speak to your daughter whilst it Is still early days and before she gets in too deep. If she loves her kids maybe focus on how her behaviour is affecting her kids. My son has had periods where he hasn’t seen his kids for months at a time (they live with their mums). It’s difficult as we tried to support our son through a drug counselling service but he stopped going and now I haven’t seen him since November but my husband manages to text him and get a reply.
Danman is right though unless your daughter wants to stop there is nothing you can do. That’s why I thought if you can focus on her kids it may make her think about it more. We have tried everything with our son and have always been there for him but he has literally cut us off and we don’t know what he is up to. We went to counselling ourselves when he was staying with us which may help you get some support, again through the local NHS addiction and counselling service. Any more questions just ask.
Hi Dawne, you have already taken a big step today by admitting your addiction and wanting to stop. I am sorry your family don’t support you as I want to support my son with his cocaine addiction but he is not responding to me. Work through Danman’s advice as he has been there and keep posting on here. We can all try to support you. Good luck.
His dad will keep chipping away and sending him texts. Eventually he seems to get through to him but he didn’t ask any awkward questions when he took him out. At least I was able to ask how he looked etc, although my husband said he didn’t want to really look at him. We are both scared of saying or doing anything that will stop the contact. Both me and his dad have supported our son together and we are supporting each other continually. Like I said before my son sent me a text the week before Mother’s Day sending his love and said he had a card but didn’t do the same on the actual day. This is why I think he is still taking cocaine as he probably had some on the Saturday and so was on a come down the next day. I really don’t know I think my son was taking it not just at weekends as eventually he couldn’t hold down a job and still isn’t working.
It was lovely to get the text from him even a week early but there hasn’t been anything since. Anyway glad you are back on board ☺️
Hi Danman, thought you had gone quiet. Again though you seem to hate the stuff soon afterwards and annoyed with yourself. You don’t go on a binge which is good and come to your senses immediately after. It must be really hard as even though you have deleted all bad contacts etc you will always bump into someone somewhere to tempt you. You are still doing really well and just need to focus on all the positive things you have done whilst you have been clean.
I didn’t get my Mother’s Day card or text after all. I was so upset. My husband had taken our son out for lunch last Friday but didn’t talk about anything that would cause friction. I text my son last Sunday and asked if I could pick him up and take him for a ride but got no response. He seems to be focussing on seeing his kids which I suppose is good. I haven’t contacted him since and don’t think I will anymore. I think he must still be taking cocaine and feels guilty and that’s why he doesn’t want to see or speak to me.
Glad you back on track and keeping focussed for your hol in 3 months time. Even when you stay clean it would be nice for you to share as it gives others hope for their partners/family members. Your tips and advice are invaluable on this site.
Hi, have you spoken to him and told him how you feel and how it is affecting the whole family? Do you think he is aware of how much he is drinking or is he aware that he has got a problem with alcohol? You don’t say how long you have been together but you have three children so you should be able to have the conversation. There is lots of support out there for alcoholic addicts and family members. I wish you the best of luck.
Hi, it sounds a bit like he has moved from one addiction to another i.e. First alcohol then cocaine. Also taking both is not a good combination as alcohol is a depressant and cocaine is a high. It also seems like he keeps pushing the boundaries and if you are not happy then you need to tell him. It may be that he has decreased his alcohol intake in order to take the cocaine. All I know is that with cocaine you have to nip it in the bud as one line once week or less soon becomes much more and then it becomes really difficult to stop. It doesn’t seem like your partner is admitting that he Has a problem and until he does that and he himself wants to stop there is very little you can do. If you read through some of the other posts on here about cocaine addiction you will get some useful information and advice. You take care.
Hi Michelle, there are usually local counselling services available for family members of addicts. Me and my husband found these one to one sessions useful in talking about how we felt. No experience of dealing with heroin addiction but there will be others on here that have. I wish you all the best and you take care.
Hi Mikey, I really feel for you. It sounds like you are trying to do something for your addiction but perhaps need some more support. The post above from Adfam offers good advice and if you read some of Danman’s posts he also has good advice. Just wondered if you could move back in with your dad/parents whilst you are in this vulnerable state. Please take care.
Hi, it is really good to hear good news about someone in recovery and hope it continues for you and your husband. Sounds like good advice from Diadict. Also I would think that there is some kind of local counselling service for family members of alcholics who may be able to give you support. The Icarus Trust often posts on here and they certainly offer support. I wish you and your husband all the best with his recovery and thanks again for sharing something positive.
Hi Jess, I agree with Georgia and I think your need to walk away. Unless he admits he has a problem and is going to do something about it there is very little you can do. I wonder how he is affording his lifestyle if he is not working and hope you’re not funding it. Doesn’t sound like he is living with you as you have separated so is he back living with his parents or friends and are they awareness of his drinking, drugs and gambling?
You should not have to put up with his abusive behaviour. You take care x
Looks like there are two of us without cards or texts from our sons. All the things that you are saying about your son are very similar to my son’s behaviour. They are very good at denying it and my son would get aggressive, even when I confronted him with evidence i.e. empty packets. We paid mortgages and bills for a time but eventually we helped him sell his house as he wasn’t paying anything. If we hadn’t done this his house would have been repossessed. This was possibly the biggest mistake we made as he got a substantial sum of money and it is since then that he has barely been in touch. With regard to not seeing your grand-daughter he has no right to say that to you. Are you in touch with his ex as we still see our grandchildren through contact with his exes. Is there anyone who is still in contact with him that you could talk to him? i.e. dad, siblings, friends.
I would say maybe don’t contact him until he calms down and perhaps he will contact you. Although we have tried this and it hasn’t always worked. There are no answers or right ways to do things in these situations. Just know you are not alone and try to stay strong.
Hi Hox, how many weeks have I been on here and still can’t get the replying to who bit right. Anyway you can read from my previous post that I have heard nothing from my son on Mother’s Day!
How are you doing? I hope you have been getting yourself out and about. We live in a village too but not like a rural one. Most of my son’s friends know about him and we have got good at being evasive. All you have to do is keep asking about them and what they are up to.
Hope you are ok xx
Hi Danman, well I suppose it was too much to expect a card or text actually on ‘Mother’s Day’ from my son! Apparently last week his ex told him it was mother’ day and he text me then and said he had a card. I knew in my heart that he hadn’t got a card. What is v odd is that this morning I got a text off his ex wishing me happy Mother’s Day. On Friday my husband managed to contact him and took him out for lunch. He didn’t push him regards anything. Yesterday he took his son fishing. We are thinking that when he doesn’t have the kids may be he goes on it then. I don’t know anymore, so upset today. I found a card he sent me last year that I kept so I could remember what he once said. To be honest Danman, you may even know my son as we live in Bolton, although he is a couple of years younger than you.
Anyway hope you have spoken to your mum today. You keep up with the battle. I am sure eventually it is going to get easier and easier and the dreams are all part of the journey you have to go through to stay clean. So, you have almost done the decorating and got bored with the books. Have you got a garden to do some digging in? Or, my other son who is your age loves watching football, darts, horse racing etc on telly. He’s even got his son, who is nearly 6, into watching football with him and even worse he supports BWFC!!
Hi Lexi, I really feel for you. I think you really do need to have that discussion with him and tell him how this is affecting you and the kids. My son has lost two relationships through his cocaine addiction. He also has two children one with each previous partner. All I can say that both his exes have come through it and are managing for themselves. In fact one has got marrried and has a much more stable life. Before you take any drastic measures have that talk. If he wants to stop you can support him but he has to want to. Good luck x
Only just seen this. Hope you are feeling ok now. Will let you know tomorrow whether or not my son get’s in touch. Don’t let it get you down – stay strong x